TEARS rolling down---

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:25 pm

Well I was just sitting here--and I thought to myself--no I said outloud to Lou--with tears running down my face--I HATE this holiday!!!!

Of course he knew I was referring to my brother --Robert--who left this world 2 young----and I still can hear Robert asking ME!!! Barbara WHY me??
Now how the hell do U give an acceptable answer as to why --cus Jesus wants U with him--Jesus needs your happy smiley face!!!

NOOOOOO--we needed him here---his grandkids will never know their grandpa---his loving smile--soft voice--gentle hugs--

and not only do I miss his warmth but I so miss when he would dress as SANTA and stroll thru the neighborhood---and how they looked foward to seeing Robert bringing happy smiles to the younger kids faces---listening to their Xcitment--and their squeals seeing Santa--

And several times he would say--sshhh--time to hop in bed--

Yup am having a very bad holiday~~~~

Barbara

humbird753 · Post by **humbird753** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:58 pm

Hi Barbara,

I am sorry you're having a bad holiday, but I can fully understand why you feel the way you do. I lost my mom not quite 2 years ago, and it seems harder this year than last year.

In addition to still grieving the loss of her, I am grieving the loss of familiar foods, and am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my husband's family who eat just about everything processed, and mix all the good healthy foods with so much stuff that it's unrecognizable. And there are always more cookies, bars, cake, etc., than there is of real food! So... I'll apparently be packing my own dinner.

I've been crying a lot myself. I don't even want to hear the Christmas music. It saddens me. You are right, though, when you said Jesus called your brother home, as he did my mom. But we weren't ready for them to leave.

I believe I will try to "choose" to thank Him for those I do have.

((Hugs))

Paula

humbird753 · Post by **humbird753** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:00 pm

BTW, your brother sounds like he was a wonderful man.

Paula

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:25 pm

Sorry Barb! I have hated holidays for years for different reasons, but ultimately it's the same thing. Holidays always remind you of things you can never have back.

I hope you do feel better and take some joy in it.

Martha · Post by **Martha** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:51 pm

Dear Barbara,

I'm sorry this holiday season is bringing you sorrow rather than joy. It's so hard to miss our loved ones, especially at Christmas, when we have those bittersweet memories of years gone by.

Here's a big :bigbighug:

for you.

Paula and Lesley, consider yourselves hugged too.

Love to you all,
Martha

Stanz · Post by **Stanz** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:11 pm

I'm sorry, Barbara. Holidays are such a mixed bag of conflicting feelings where family is concerned. I lost a brother and sister, it sucks.

Post by **tex** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:22 pm

Lesley wrote:Holidays always remind you of things you can never have back.

Yep, the Christmas holidays are definitely for young kids, (who are too young to have memories,) and not for us older kids, (whose brains are loaded with memories).

I know this is no consolation, Barbara, but I understand how you feel, because I stopped enjoying the Christmas holidays about 20 years ago, (after the loss of a bother-in-law - he was always the shining star at Christmas get-togethers), and since that happened, I seem to enjoy Christmas even less with each passing year.

Luve,
Galahad

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:47 pm

Tex
similar to you, for many reasons over the past 35 years, for me christmas is just another day.

the combo of living away from family and the MC situation has reiterated that stance, chirstmas is just another day and it is not like i can eat a massive feast of foods that are treats that you only have once a year.

I find it a bit difficult to immune myself from the social pressure. People asking 'what are you doing for christmas' as if i will have grand plans of travel or huge feasts.
Then the other socialogical pressure - 'you can't spend christmas alone'
ummm excuse yes you can. I have done it many times and you dont get struck by lightening, you dont get 7 years of bad luck, the sun rises, it sets and it is another day.

This year i have season 2 and season 3 of the muppet show to keep me entertained over the days off
(one year i spent the four day break of xmas watching west wing from start of S1 and got up to S5)

Albiet there was some level of excitement this week i think i have found a local organic turkey producer that i can get a pure 'untainted' turkey from. (no yeast, no soy, no nitrates)
I didnt seek this to celebrate christmas, it will be regular purchase for my MC eating plan.

Joefnh · Post by **Joefnh** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 3:39 pm

Barbara, I can fully understand what you are going through as the holidays also bring up events that can be sad. My very best wishes to you and Lou during this time and I hope you also find the positive to look at during this time.

Gabes like you I will be having a day alone with Nestlé on Christmas, Nestle and I will be going to our Maine house by the ocean to enjoy a quiet day thinking about our best of friends and wishing that they were there with us.....

May you have a Merry Christmas Gabes and Barbara. I know there can be memories that are not as positive as we would like, but we can turn those thoughts around to ones that will last a lifetime.

To all of those here this Christmas, I hope you have a thoughts of a good friend to carry you through this time.

Barbara I wish you and Lou the very best this season... Merry Christmas to all of my friends here, you are the best, each and every one.

Tex thank you for giving us this special place that we all share...

Joe

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Sat Dec 10, 2011 7:00 pm

I reiterate what Joe just said about everyone here.

I am Jewish and Hanukkah is coming. It's one of the holidays I always loved in Israel. Very, very fattening, but lots of songs, fun for kids, and presents are NOT the focus of the holiday.

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:43 am

Sounds like many of us have lost someone around Christmastime or at least lost someone which greatly affected our perception of the holiday.

Mine was my Father who went into the hospital on Christmas Eve and died on the 28th (before I was able to get to Georgia). During that same time was Bill's quadrupal bypass surgery which was also tramatic and prevented my being there for my Father. Also, my Father's birthday was yesterday which is very close to Christmas.

I try to focus on the good memories and (as Paula said) what is good in my life.

I do hope you and Louie have a MUCH, MUCH better Christmas than you anticipate and I hope the coming year will bring many blessings.

Love, Shirley

hoosier1 · Post by **hoosier1** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:19 pm

The "Christmas Holiday" is just another day for me as well any more, but not due to the loss of a loved one. My tale pales by comparison. For me, it is because I have a half-brained brother-in-law who has put a wrench between me and the rest of that side of the family. And of course, my wife feels stuck in the middle and thinks I need to rise above this and be the better person. Not a priority of mine.

So for this Christmas, I may do what Joe is doing and get out of town, either by myself, or, if my wife decides to "abandon" the usual family get together, with her. I tempted her with a trip to the Virgin Islands but I don't think she thinks I am serious. Some time by myself is perfectly fine by me.

Have a happy holiday everyone.

p.s. I have been fighting a nasty sore throat since my skin rash/reaction. Went to dr. And they put me on Amoxicillan for a week. No Joy. Plus, it wrecked my GI for a spell. Throat is sore in the morning and the evening. I am thinking that the prednisone that I was on for my rash dropped my immunity and caused this sore throat. My white count is normally low and around 3.9 anyways. So I have been sleeping with a vaporizer. It marginally helps. And recently, started using a Neti Pot. Claritin and pharma for acid reflux aren't helping either (both suggested by the doc). Any ideas? I am beginning to wonder if I am allergic to the golden doodle that we have been baby sitting for the past couple months. Her name is Sophie and she looks like a sheep. My shepherd pup, now 5 months and 55 pounds, tries to herd her like a sheep. Man he has a lot of energy so I taught him to run on the treadmill. That helps a lot.

Stanz · Post by **Stanz** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:48 pm

Hoosier1,

We've been talking about acid reflux/gerd on another thread. My daughter used Dr. Bragg's apple cider vinegar for her digestive issues for years and it worked like a charm. I know it's counter-intuitive, but often acid reflux is the result of too much alkaline instead of acid. Lots of info on this on the internet.

Hope you feel better soon.

Sheila · Post by **Sheila** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:24 pm

Tex is right. Christmas is really for children and I thank God for them. Like many of you, so many I loved are gone and my family gets smaller and smaller. I keep a small book of quotes and I really like this one by Henry Van Dyke.

"Are you willing to own that probably the only good reason for your existence is not what you are going to get out of life, but what you are going to give to life; to close your book of complaints against the management of the universe and look around for a place where you can sow a few seeds of happiness, to make a grave for your ugly thoughts and a garden for your kindly feelings? Then you can keep Christmas......................"

Sheila W

Post by **tex** » Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:52 pm

Sheila,

Thank you for that quote. I agree - it's right on target.

Tex