Thought I'd better check in. I haven't been around for a while. Major changes in my life. Mom decided she would go to an assisted living place near here. I couldn't believe it because she has always balked at the idea. She still hasn't totally given up on the idea of returning to Ga. but circumstances are not favorable for that move.
As far as I can determine, she is in the best place around here. She is handling it quite well, so far. She actually moved in last Friday. It all happened very quickly. She has memory loss and some dementia but she is giving it her best shot. I took her over there several times so she could ease into it as much as possible. The aids and other people there seem really, really nice and Mom likes the food so far but thinks there is too much of it. Of course, she still has to have her candy, cookies, ice cream in her room. She would live on sugar if she could get away with it. It was very, very hard to leave here there last Friday.
I am torn between her leaving and being grateful for the opportunity to perhaps make a life for myself alone at 69 years of age. Mom has lived with me ever since Bill died and I've always felt that I didn't even get a chance to grieve or figure out what to do with myself.
I know the conflicting emotions are normal (at least I think so) but the stress over the last week has been incredible. I've had D several time but it seems to be getting better the last few days.
Love to All, Shirley
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Moderators: Rosie, Stanz, Jean, CAMary, moremuscle, JFR, Dee, xet, Peggy, Matthew, Gabes-Apg, grannyh, Gloria, Mars, starfire, Polly, Joefnh
Hello Friends
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
-- Winston Churchill
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MaggieRedwings
- King Penguin
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Morning Shirley,
I must say that is a major change in our life and one I think you well deserve at this point in time. I am surprised that Mom just made a decision that quickly but I think it will be beneficial for you. You have spent so much of your time being a caregiver and not really one for yourself. I hope you enjoy the Shirley time and make the most of it. You 2 are always in my prayers.
Love, Maggie
I must say that is a major change in our life and one I think you well deserve at this point in time. I am surprised that Mom just made a decision that quickly but I think it will be beneficial for you. You have spent so much of your time being a caregiver and not really one for yourself. I hope you enjoy the Shirley time and make the most of it. You 2 are always in my prayers.
Love, Maggie
Maggie Scarpone
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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draperygoddess
- Rockhopper Penguin
- Posts: 558
- Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:49 am
- Location: Tennessee
Shirley,
I think your mom is blessed beyond measure to have a daughter who is willing to put her needs aside for her mom's welfare. Hopefully this will be a smooth transition for her and a relief of stress for you, knowing she is well cared-for and safe.
I think your mom is blessed beyond measure to have a daughter who is willing to put her needs aside for her mom's welfare. Hopefully this will be a smooth transition for her and a relief of stress for you, knowing she is well cared-for and safe.
Cynthia
"Can we fix it? YES WE CAN!" -Bob the Builder
"Can we fix it? YES WE CAN!" -Bob the Builder
Dear Shirley,
I pray that the transition goes well for both you and your mom. It will be a big change, for sure, for both of you. It is good that your mom made the decision herself. Memory care places usually have lots of activities going on, and encourage the residents to stay connected and involved in things. That is really good for them.
Love,
Martha
I pray that the transition goes well for both you and your mom. It will be a big change, for sure, for both of you. It is good that your mom made the decision herself. Memory care places usually have lots of activities going on, and encourage the residents to stay connected and involved in things. That is really good for them.
Love,
Martha
Martha
Hi Shirley,
Major changes in the direction of our life often come as a surprise, but when the shock wears off, I'm sure you'll discover new and wonderful ways in which to channel your time and energy. You might even decide to write a book. Who knows?
Best of luck to you, dear friend, as you explore the avenues available to you.
Love,
Tex
Major changes in the direction of our life often come as a surprise, but when the shock wears off, I'm sure you'll discover new and wonderful ways in which to channel your time and energy. You might even decide to write a book. Who knows?
Best of luck to you, dear friend, as you explore the avenues available to you.
Love,
Tex
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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MBombardier
- Rockhopper Penguin
- Posts: 1523
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:44 am
- Location: Vancouver, WA
Shirley, I understand the mixed feelings. I know that you will work through them all. I am thankful that you are still young enough to explore things you want to do now that the constant care of your mother is alleviated.
An in-law of mine took care of his mother until she died. Then he checked himself into a nursing home because he was so old he needed care himself. The good thing was that he had his adventures early in life, even traveling all over the world before coming back to care for his mother. Maybe the next we will hear from you is that you are visiting Gabes!
An in-law of mine took care of his mother until she died. Then he checked himself into a nursing home because he was so old he needed care himself. The good thing was that he had his adventures early in life, even traveling all over the world before coming back to care for his mother. Maybe the next we will hear from you is that you are visiting Gabes!
Marliss Bombardier
Dum spiro, spero -- While I breathe, I hope
Psoriasis - the dark ages
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - Dec 2001
Collagenous Colitis - Sept 2010
Granuloma Annulare - June 2011
Dum spiro, spero -- While I breathe, I hope
Psoriasis - the dark ages
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis - Dec 2001
Collagenous Colitis - Sept 2010
Granuloma Annulare - June 2011
Dear Shirley,
WOW. You've had major changes going on there. I agree with what everyone else has written here.
In February I was taking care of my father while he had a full knee replacement. You may recall I had a BAD flare from the stress. I'm not surprised you are having one, too.
Take time to grieve the loss of your beloved Bill as well as your mom moving to the assisted living facility. Then find some thing(s) you want to do and jump into it (them) with abandon.
Hugs,
Sharaine
WOW. You've had major changes going on there. I agree with what everyone else has written here.
In February I was taking care of my father while he had a full knee replacement. You may recall I had a BAD flare from the stress. I'm not surprised you are having one, too.
Take time to grieve the loss of your beloved Bill as well as your mom moving to the assisted living facility. Then find some thing(s) you want to do and jump into it (them) with abandon.
Hugs,
Sharaine
Thank you all for the encouraging support and care. It really does mean a lot.
Mom is doing pretty well and I must say, giving it her best shot so far. She told me yesterday that it's a nice place. I was wishing I had a tape recorder. HaHa She did make the decision rather quickly and there just happened to be a room available at that time. That's why it happened so fast. She went from no to yes in 3 days. I took her over to see the place with the intention of getting her on the waiting list (just in case).
I'm still pretty busy getting "stuff" for her room and such but I had Monday here all day and should have today. My plan is to visit her 3 days a week.
So far she has "lost" her pocketbook, 16 dollars that she hid and now can't find (nothing new) and her lockbox key. She has always been a very good "hider". An aide helped her "find" her pocketbook a few days ago. I hope she has found at least one of the still missing items when I go back tomorrow.
The D seems to have stopped but I'm feeling nauseaous this morning. I feel very fortunate that my symptoms are as mild as they are. I know lots are really suffering and I pray for you.
Love, Shirley
Mom is doing pretty well and I must say, giving it her best shot so far. She told me yesterday that it's a nice place. I was wishing I had a tape recorder. HaHa She did make the decision rather quickly and there just happened to be a room available at that time. That's why it happened so fast. She went from no to yes in 3 days. I took her over to see the place with the intention of getting her on the waiting list (just in case).
I'm still pretty busy getting "stuff" for her room and such but I had Monday here all day and should have today. My plan is to visit her 3 days a week.
So far she has "lost" her pocketbook, 16 dollars that she hid and now can't find (nothing new) and her lockbox key. She has always been a very good "hider". An aide helped her "find" her pocketbook a few days ago. I hope she has found at least one of the still missing items when I go back tomorrow.
The D seems to have stopped but I'm feeling nauseaous this morning. I feel very fortunate that my symptoms are as mild as they are. I know lots are really suffering and I pray for you.
Love, Shirley
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
-- Winston Churchill
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Hi Shirley,
I am new here. I can relate to your situation. My mother died this past September at the age of 94. She spent the last 6 years of her life in an elderly facility, first in an independent apartment, then in the assisted living and finally, for the last few months, in their care facility (nursing home type place). It wasn't perfect but it was so much better than alternatives. She made the decision 6 year ago to move to the independent living apartment so the moves to the stepped up care were relatively simple. The hardest thing to deal with was the increasing dementia. My mother "lost" things on an almost daily basis. It's not easy for anyone and it was hard for me, at times, to deal with my guilt, that I should be taking care of her, but in truth this was the best way to do it and I knew that neither she nor I would have been happy living together. I remain very grateful that the assisted living was available for her. There are ways that it could have been better but a lot more ways that it could have been so much worse. I hope this continues to work out well for both your mother and you.
Jean
I am new here. I can relate to your situation. My mother died this past September at the age of 94. She spent the last 6 years of her life in an elderly facility, first in an independent apartment, then in the assisted living and finally, for the last few months, in their care facility (nursing home type place). It wasn't perfect but it was so much better than alternatives. She made the decision 6 year ago to move to the independent living apartment so the moves to the stepped up care were relatively simple. The hardest thing to deal with was the increasing dementia. My mother "lost" things on an almost daily basis. It's not easy for anyone and it was hard for me, at times, to deal with my guilt, that I should be taking care of her, but in truth this was the best way to do it and I knew that neither she nor I would have been happy living together. I remain very grateful that the assisted living was available for her. There are ways that it could have been better but a lot more ways that it could have been so much worse. I hope this continues to work out well for both your mother and you.
Jean
Hi Shirley,
Moving a parent into an assisted living facility is never easy...it's great that your mom was willing to go.
I think you'll feel better as time goes by and you visit her frequently. There will be a hole in your life for a while, but hopefully you'll be able to fill it with some other pleasures as some have suggested. I admire your concern for your mom - you're a great daughter.
Gloria
Moving a parent into an assisted living facility is never easy...it's great that your mom was willing to go.
I think you'll feel better as time goes by and you visit her frequently. There will be a hole in your life for a while, but hopefully you'll be able to fill it with some other pleasures as some have suggested. I admire your concern for your mom - you're a great daughter.
Gloria
You never know what you can do until you have to do it.
Shirley, my heart goes out to you. I have also "walked in your shoes" and it was not easy. My mother was not ready for it, but at the time we had no choice. Please no that you are doing the right thing and time, as they say, is always the best healer. Everything is an adjustment; a give and take situation. She will probably have days she loves it and days she does not. Accept it and understand that you have been a great daughter. Your mother has been very fortunate to have a daughter like you!
Love, Ginny
Love, Ginny
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change those things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference
Actually I am surprised your reaction to all this stress has been this mild! You are one tough cookie! Is your dog helping?I know the conflicting emotions are normal (at least I think so) but the stress over the last week has been incredible. I've had D several time but it seems to be getting better the last few days.
It's always hard to see a parent deteriorate. My mom avoided dementia, but deteriorated physically so fast it was awful. I wasn't there to see to her care, and I don't think what she got was good enough. I have to live with the fact that she totally lost her independence for, IMO, no reason, and died as a result. I have such guilt that I wasn't there to see to her care.
As for losing things - would she remember to write down where she puts things on a notebook attached to the wall? I found that very useful for patients with onset of dementia.
She is very lucky to have you. 3x a week is wonderful!
Hi Shirley,
I wish you and your mom all the best as you transition into this new phase of your lives. Hope it works out for the best for both of you, and can only imagine how many conflicting emotions you feel. Glad to hear the D. is getting better.
Love,
Kari
I wish you and your mom all the best as you transition into this new phase of your lives. Hope it works out for the best for both of you, and can only imagine how many conflicting emotions you feel. Glad to hear the D. is getting better.
Love,
Kari
"My mouth waters whenever I pass a bakery shop and sniff the aroma of fresh bread, but I am also grateful simply to be alive and sniffing." Dr. Bernstein
Hi Shirley,
Good to hear from you. Glad things are going well for your Mom (other than the misplaced items). The $16 made me laugh. When my MIL moved to the retirement home and we were helping clean out the house we found no end of dollar bills tucked away in books! When my mom died I found a $100 bill in a little coin purse at the back of a drawer. I'd better start stashing away some $ and forgetting them for my kids!
Hope your system is settling down.
Have you had any bears in the back yard this spring? Or was that Maggie?
Good to hear from you. Glad things are going well for your Mom (other than the misplaced items). The $16 made me laugh. When my MIL moved to the retirement home and we were helping clean out the house we found no end of dollar bills tucked away in books! When my mom died I found a $100 bill in a little coin purse at the back of a drawer. I'd better start stashing away some $ and forgetting them for my kids!
Hope your system is settling down.
Have you had any bears in the back yard this spring? Or was that Maggie?
kathy
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Gabes-Apg
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 8332
- Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2009 3:12 pm
- Location: Hunter Valley NSW Australia
Shirley
so wonderful to hear from you!
i hope all the flood damage is fixed and things are looking beautiful again now that spring has arrived for you.
wow - what a big change for you, you are doing really well if you have only had D a few times.
i say, trust the universe, if your mum is happy then the spot must have come up at the right time, it just meant there was not preperation for you for the change, you are doing all the prep and adjusting now.
take your time..... the gabe motto comes out again. THere is no right way or wrong way to deal with these things, there is your way.
peace and happiness
so wonderful to hear from you!
i hope all the flood damage is fixed and things are looking beautiful again now that spring has arrived for you.
wow - what a big change for you, you are doing really well if you have only had D a few times.
i say, trust the universe, if your mum is happy then the spot must have come up at the right time, it just meant there was not preperation for you for the change, you are doing all the prep and adjusting now.
take your time..... the gabe motto comes out again. THere is no right way or wrong way to deal with these things, there is your way.
peace and happiness
Gabes Ryan
"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned"
Dalai Lama
"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned"
Dalai Lama