Feeling sorry for myself

Stanz · Post by **Stanz** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:42 pm

I've had every sign of a UTI for the last 5 days, and since it was a Friday yesterday, I decided to call for an appt. to get a urine test, expecting it to be positive for e-coli or something else and be given an anti-biotic.

Saw a doctor I'd never seen before at the clinic who came in after 2 other intake people did all the stuff they do, and asked about flu shots, the shingles vaccine and anything I might be concerned about. I said I was concerned about my thyroid and that I'd like to have whatever blood tests might be needed because I'm losing my hair and have had diarrhea for the last, I don't even know how many weeks. I frankly expected to just be dismissed.

So, when the doctor finally arrived in the room, she showed me the strip from the urine test, which was neg. for bacteria, but showed I was severely dehydrated. She took my hand and said, "I'm worried about you, you've lost 15 lbs. since January, are you trying to lose weight?" NO, i said, I had no idea I'd lost that much weight. She said, you need fluids, and she wouldn't let me leave until I'd had 2 litres of IV fluids and it took hours. I was supposed to pick up my son in law and his friend at the airport in a few hours, (who are in town for a reunion concert of a local band they loved when they were college students here, both celebrating turning 40, and staying at my house), so I had to call and arrange for my other daughter to fetch them, as she wouldn't let me leave w/o the IV's. I'm actually kind of in shock at this point, that she even cares - as this was a whole new experience for me w/western med for I don't know how long.

During the 2 hours I'm getting the IV's she brought in a new doctor to the clinic who she said she thought would be a better PCP than mine, who was never available because she only works part time. The new Dr. and I talked for quite awhile, she's a baby, younger than both my daughters, but I liked her and made an appt. to see her in 2 wks. and she seems to know a lot about food intolerances. They also gave me a flu shot and drew all the blood they needed to see where I am, and that will all be there when I see my new PCP in 2 wks. Dr. prescribed a quart of ice cream, gatorade and all the protein I can eat, which is going to be a challenge as I still have no appetite and am frankly afraid to eat.

It's just been a really hard summer, marriage ending, moving, and I've just been so depressed and dysfunctional for so many weeks since my family was all visiting and staying here left, and realizing that I really meant nothing to my DH and am easily replaced. It was just nice to be treated with some compassion and be listened to yesterday.

I came home and put FlashPoint by the RollingStones on, my anthem album for YEARS. I replayed it over and over, very LOUD, and cried a lot and it really helped to get my yaya's out. Was always a Stones fan, got to see them and the Beatles as a teenager. I hope I didn't piss off my neighbors. It was a strange day. My life just seems so surreal lately, I don't know who I am anymore.

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need

Wah, Wah........, we'll see.

Connie

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:46 pm

Connie
wow, what a week, or should i say a few months..

but awesome that you came across a supportive doctor who 'gets it' about food intolerances (that is a huge blessing)

the stones is a great mantra...
a stark contrast to my doris day

cie sera sera, what will be will be, the future is not ours to see, cie sera sera
(i picture myself in a 1960's american convertable, big scarf, wide rim glasses as i sing this!!!!)

big aussie hugs to help you feel better

Kari · Post by **Kari** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:22 pm

Wow Connie - you've had a rough go of it. Just wanted to let you know that I sympathize and am sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Music has been HUGE in my life to help me get through tough times, so I can certainly relate to your "evening with the Stones". Being able to cry is also a great blessing and stress reducer, so hopefully you're feeling better

.

From your posts here on the PP board, you sound like such a strong and capable woman, so I'm sure you'll "GET WHAT YOU NEED" and more.

:bigbighug:

Love,
Kari

Stanz · Post by **Stanz** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:34 pm

Well, you'd need to bleach your hair, Gabes, but I can see a bit of Doris in your face and can completely imagine you in a Caddy convertible with scarf flying.

Just talked to my nursing student daughter to tell her that the birthday cake I baked and sent w/my SIL for their dinner tonight was GF and she asked me to take a half tab of the clonazepam she gave me awhile back, so I did and we'll see if it lifts me out of my funk any. They are studying the gut now and apparently serotonin is derived from there, if I understood her correctly, so that might explain why MC and depression are often connected. Will do the usual research now.

Thanks for the hugs, I feel stupid venting here, but I don't know who else could even understand. I don't think I've weighed this little since I was 10, I just quit weighing myself, so yesterday was a shock.

mzh · Post by **mzh** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:37 pm

OMG Connie, I'm so sorry to hear of your difficulties and health issues. Stress can do awful things.

Joefnh · Post by **Joefnh** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:40 pm

Hi Stanz, I just thought I'd weigh in and send you my best wishes....I can understand needing a place to vent a bit. It has been a rough number of months for you. I'm glad you found a doctor that cared and hopefully a PCP that can work with you and understand the dietary issues related to food intolerances.

Best of wishes....Nestlé and I both send a MC safe hug from NH.

Take care

Stanz · Post by **Stanz** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:44 pm

Thanks, Kari, MZH and Joe,

My sig line on a previous forum I was a part of was "we're stronger than we think we are" and I need to repeat that several times daily, better than the "what's the point" I've been saying to myself lately.

Post by **tex** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:09 pm

Connie,

I'm sorry to hear about all the bad news, but I'm glad that you've found a new doctor who cares. That's worth a heck of a lot.

It's time to cater to your own needs for a while. Remember — you're number one.

Tex

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:40 pm

Few more years and my hair will be grey enough to look blonde!!!!
If i ever get to the states, that is one photo we have to do!!!

gut, depression, toxic inflammation are definately linked.
just like it takes time for 6the gut to heal, it can take just as long for your heart to heal after difficult circumstances, and your soul to readjust to all the changes

nuture all of yourself, gut, heart, soul, mind.

more than happy to send over some extra pounds that i have, including breast tissue if you want the enlargement!!!

Christine. · Post by **Christine.** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 6:41 pm

Connie
My heart goes out to you. WE CARE and will listen any time
Chris

Camie · Post by **Camie** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 7:33 pm

I am short on suggestions as I am new to this site. But I am not new to prayer. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong! Hugs.
:)

Gloria · Post by **Gloria** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 8:42 pm

Connie,

I'm so sorry that you're going through a hard time. Having an MC flare is very discouraging, especially when you think you've resolved it. Having to also endure a breakup at the same time just doesn't seem fair. I'm glad the doctor recognized that you needed some help and insisted on taking care of you then and there.

I hope you will get through this and be as strong and healthy as possible.

Gloria

Deb · Post by **Deb** » Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:10 am

Connie, venting is a good thing and this group is a great place to do it. Hugs to you, my dear! Deb

carolm · Post by **carolm** » Sun Oct 07, 2012 9:46 am

Connie, You are dealing with a lot of losses. It's definitely time to cut yourself some slack. What suggestions would you offer to a friend who was going through this? Think about it.... then do that for yourself. If you need to, write a letter to your ex and get all the feelings out (I've done this after my first marriage and shocked myself--whoa, was surprised a what came rolling out). Don't send it just trash it, but getting those feelings out can definitely lighten the load and help you get centered again. You are number 1. Do whatever makes you feel pampered. A movie, a massage, a nap, ... I buy myself flowers from time to time.

In fact, I think I may do that today.

Remember your are valued by many,
Carol

JLH · Post by **JLH** » Sun Oct 07, 2012 9:47 am

Connie, vent away whenever you feel like it. So sorry things have been so very tough for you. This #@&*^& disease is stress enough w/o all the rest.

I'm so happy you found good doctors and caught your dehydration.

BIG HUG

:bigbighug: