Very scary day!!!!!
We were told to get there right before 8:30, and we did.. but like usual, our lawyer opted to appear at around 8:40 (!!!), which drives me crazy. But court didn't appear to start until 9 anyway.
So before court, the lawyers got together again and discussed things. Basically Bill's lawyer told him to take whatever we offer cuz he's so screwed. So, temporarily, we agreed that Bill can take Hunter every other weekend. He would have the option to have him from school on Friday until Sunday night at 7:30pm (school night time). If he drops him off early, he gives up the rest of the weekend. Generally he drops him off at 11am on Saturday. We'll see if this changes. My wory about this portion is that he will decide it must be ok for him to just leave Hunter with his sister, who is incapable of managing the 3 kids she has, so she just leaves them at home, alone. The older two are 15, but they have NOT been taught any type of basic survival skills, cooking, cleaning, etc. Last time they watched him (the kids, not the sister - cuz SHE left), there happened to be a tornado warning, and all 4 kids went outside to "see" while the sirens were going off, instead of running for cover in the basement. HELLO people. (tornado *warning*, fyi, means a tornado has been sighted - by eye or radar - in the county)
So anyway, we'll see what happens there. Otherwise, he gets him tuesday after school until 7:30pm. if he shows late or fails to drop him off, he's in contempt of court. (arrest, fines) We will also have a paper order in our hands to outline all this, should he fail to comply, and should we need to issue an arrest warrant (wow, the sound of that really makes me smile). In the past, he's called me at work with threats of kidnapping, telling me he was going to take him to GA and never return. I called the police, but had nothing in writing stating it wasn't his parenting time, so nothing I could do.
Anyway, if Tuesday doesn't work for him for some reason, he is to give me a copy of his schedule for that week, and I am to pick a substitution day.
A court appointed "Guardian" will be in effect to make sure the schedule is followed and determine if changes need to be made. Bill and I are to split the cost ($100 an hour, I believe). This lady served as our mediator about a year and a half ago when we were trying to work out details of a school time schedule. During that time, Bill agreed completely with me, and was very submissive. Said he'd let me have him every weekend and would not keep him overnight on a school night once Hunter started school. I knew at the time, without a doubt, that he was lying thru his teeth, but of course she didn't know us, so she couldn't decide and ended up favoring him. We'll see how she feels about him now that he's NOT abided by the schedule AT ALL. :D
Day care monies are to be withheld from his pay :D :D :D. Monies owed to me for previous daycare adventures as well as those he was ordered to pay by our previous decree will be addressed in another hearing, an Evidentiary hearing (:D) to be held in less than 6 months. During this hearing, we'll get to testify all about how *fun* it's been with Bill these past few yrs. From him peeping into my bedroom windows to him spanking/slapping the kids to him and his current girlfriend smoking around my asthmatic son, we'll get to hear ALL ABOUT the adventures of Bill.
And the fun continues at our Evidentiary Hearing in (hopefully) less than 6 months. I can't WAIT to testify. He'll have forgotten all of the lies he'd previously mentioned LOL. that's the beauty of time. I'll remember, because the truth never fades.
Anyway, it's nice to have a little progress. But again, I was itching for conflict/resolution. I was secretly hoping he would reject the offer and be all pigheaded (I'd imagine he was very inclined to do this, but I'm sure his lawyer told the moron how to act). The judge in this matter was very to the point, detail oriented, and had no patience for lying sacks of ****. We watched him rip into a couple that had recieved notification of default of a loan about 2 yrs ago, but hadn't done anything. So they were being taken to court over the matter, but the couple was disputing the default itself. Well, since they didn't respond to the repeated notifications, they didn't dispute the default itself - that's just how it works. With every legal money matter. To not respond in 2 yrs is inexcusable and the judge pretty much let them know. to top it off the couple didn't have counsel (not even pro bono), and since the judge was speaking legalese, they were clueless as to what their next move was, even tho the judge had repeated it several times. They asked the judge what an affidavit was, and he pretty much told them they are expected to know the terminology if they show up without counsel. He was very blunt.
So I really wanted to see him rip into Bill. But.. it sounds like he'll be the same judge we see at the Evidentiary Hearing. That's a good thing :D.
Anyway, just wanted to update you all.
Love,
Christine
Court Follow up..
Moderators: Rosie, Stanz, Jean, CAMary, moremuscle, JFR, Dee, xet, Peggy, Matthew, Gabes-Apg, grannyh, Gloria, Mars, starfire, Polly, Joefnh
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TendrTummy
- Gentoo Penguin
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harvest_table
- Rockhopper Penguin
- Posts: 1509
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:29 pm
- Location: Fergus Falls, Minnesota
Hi Christine,
Whew...it makes me dizzy just reading your post.
Sounds like your making progress, I guess. Having to go through all this court stuff is so sad and such a waste of time and energy. Not to mention money. The good news is they will start to garnish his wages and that will at least resolve the financial aspect of this problem. He has no choice but to comply with the court.
Your ex is a MORON and unless a bolt of lightening strikes him blind and he changes his ways I'm afraid that you will forever have conflict in the raising of your son. Your ex doesn't even deserve time with him. It's so sad.
Hope he will stick to this schedule. Just maybe, todays hearing might have scared him a little and made him realize just how serious of an issue this is.
Thanks for the update. Good to hear from you. Hang in there!
Love,
Joanna
Whew...it makes me dizzy just reading your post.
Sounds like your making progress, I guess. Having to go through all this court stuff is so sad and such a waste of time and energy. Not to mention money. The good news is they will start to garnish his wages and that will at least resolve the financial aspect of this problem. He has no choice but to comply with the court.
Your ex is a MORON and unless a bolt of lightening strikes him blind and he changes his ways I'm afraid that you will forever have conflict in the raising of your son. Your ex doesn't even deserve time with him. It's so sad.
Hope he will stick to this schedule. Just maybe, todays hearing might have scared him a little and made him realize just how serious of an issue this is.
Thanks for the update. Good to hear from you. Hang in there!
Love,
Joanna
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Wow Christine, that's quiet a mess to get through, and its not over yet.
I never had any of that trouble, my main trouble with my divorce and the kids was getting him to not forget they existed. My youngest was only 13 when he left the first time for 6months, and 14 when he left the second time for good. At the time I was very sick, and that was the hardest part, as I was being put through the ringer by his lawyer. We ended up with the same agreement that we made in the beginning by ourselves, but there was all kinds of stunts pulled by the lawyer, one was forcing me to sell our house. At the time, it was not in the best interest of my daughter, too many changes to deal with, and she was not coping well. And in exchange for him keeping his RRSP's I kept any equity in our home, so it was really stupid. But my ex would not do anything to prevent his lawyer from sending out these letters and ultimatums. And there were papers that his lawyer would not send back to mine so that I could make the deed in my name only. He had put a clause in this letter that said it would have to be done by such and such a date or I would be forced to put the house up for sale. My ex said it was nothing as the papers were almost done, and so the time frame was a mute issue. NOT. His lawyer made every excuse under the sun not to return the papers, till the very last day set out in the clause. I demanded my ex to to go and see him and fix the problem, and he finally got around to it, but he had to take a day off work to do it. So he was also upset, so he wrote a letter to be put in his file that no letters or correspondence was to be sent out to my lawyer unless it was approved by him first. And that stopped the crap. But the fact is it put me through months and months of stress that he could have put a stop to at anytime. This also put stress on his daughter, but that was the way it always was with him. But at least he did do it finally. But there were so many things that happened with the visitations rights that it left a heavy mark on my daughter, and something I don't think will ever go away. The thing was she started to work part-time, and he said he couldn't take her because she had to work anyway. And then there was the part where she couldn't go to his place because he didn't have a bedroom for her. And then he started to date someone about 400 miles away, so when he had his days off that is where he headed. So to make up for not being there he would call her at work, and consider that a visitation. She would get so upset, because he would want her to talk while she was supposed to be working, on a phone that was used for reception and appointments. And no matter how many times she told him she could not talk while she was working her wouldn't hear it. Till finally one day her boss told him that he would have to call his daughter when she was not working. Not that he didn't want her talking to her father, but because she always ended up crying afterwards. Then once in a blue moon he would show up at her work place and bring her a piece of pizza, and say things like, 'gotta make sure my little girl eats.' Meanwhile her boss would have two large pizza's waiting in the back room. And her boss always took her to Wendy's on the way home and bought her supper, all the time. Him and his wife became like big brothers and sisters to her. And when he went to get married, he told them both a couple of months before, but he never prepared them or anything, he just said that he was getting married and did they want to come. But with Mel she would say things like lets see how long it takes him this time to call. Sometimes it would be 7 months before she would hear from him. And he lived in the same town. And when he got married, forget it. He wasn't going away anymore, but he had no time for her. Now, he has little or no contact with either of my girls. He does not even know he is going to be a grampa. She doesn't even know if he will come to her wedding, that is my older daughter. The thing is, he kept telling them that he was divorcing me, not them, then his actions said otherwise. He comes down here to go away on trips to the carribean and also to visit their friends near Toronto, but he doesn't even call them, let alone go and see them. But when he does, every blue moon, he acts like he knows everything about them. He just left a message on my youngest daughters phone and in two sentences he blamed her for them not talking, and said that he has called her so many times but she is never home, and he just didn't leave a message at the time. That was after about 8 months of no contact, the thing is she has call display, he never did call in that time. But she had gone to see him twice, but he was not home, and she had bought him a DVD and left it for him, and she had called him several times. So instead of his message cheering her up because he called her, it made her upset, and crying again. The last time she went up north, she did not call him or go to see him. Its just a sad, sad mess, and it breaks my heart seeing how this has hurt her. I made many attempts to get him to see the way it was hurting her, but he is blind. And his new wife is sweet as sugar when Mel has been there and he was home, but the minute he wasn't there, she took jabs at her about daddy's little cheque's everymonth. She hated the fact that he gave her money every month. That was the only thing you could ever count on, he always paid her child support. Once she was 18, the money went to her not me. But he has to pay me alimony until such time that I am remarried or have been living with a man for more then 3 years, that was put in because of the fact that he left when I was diagnosed as disabled. When Mel does get through to her dad, she makes small talk with his wife, and she never fails to mention that he is having a tough time of it, but has to keep working because of his obligations to me. A little jab here and there. The girls can't stand her, they tollerate her, they were taught to never disrespect an adult no matter how much you may not like them, so they have never done anything to deserve any of this. It was like he got married and forgot all about the last 20 yrs that he was married to me, and that he had children. I think that by him paying the support it takes away any guilt he might have had otherwise.
But he has missed out, and I have not. Both of the girls are widely loved by the people they have worked with, and while in school and along the way. You know he didn't even know his daughter had graduated with high honours and that she had won a bursary and been awarded for being the highest grade in English till months later. And one day about six or so months later he handed her a card, and said I forgot to give you this, it was a graduation card.
But it is so hard to go through all this with children involved. They hear and see more then we think, and then we are left with trying to help them heal. This year Mel sent me a father's day card saying thank-you for always being there for her, as I have been her mother as well as her father. I wish that it wasn't that way, I wish she had a father that she could feel close to and be able to call and just talk to, but its not to be. All we can do is keep a watchful eye on them and listen and listen and listen. It does pay off in the end.
Keep on with the fight to find something that is a more normal arrangement for him, and hopefully that will be soon.
Much love
Gentle hugs
Wendy
I never had any of that trouble, my main trouble with my divorce and the kids was getting him to not forget they existed. My youngest was only 13 when he left the first time for 6months, and 14 when he left the second time for good. At the time I was very sick, and that was the hardest part, as I was being put through the ringer by his lawyer. We ended up with the same agreement that we made in the beginning by ourselves, but there was all kinds of stunts pulled by the lawyer, one was forcing me to sell our house. At the time, it was not in the best interest of my daughter, too many changes to deal with, and she was not coping well. And in exchange for him keeping his RRSP's I kept any equity in our home, so it was really stupid. But my ex would not do anything to prevent his lawyer from sending out these letters and ultimatums. And there were papers that his lawyer would not send back to mine so that I could make the deed in my name only. He had put a clause in this letter that said it would have to be done by such and such a date or I would be forced to put the house up for sale. My ex said it was nothing as the papers were almost done, and so the time frame was a mute issue. NOT. His lawyer made every excuse under the sun not to return the papers, till the very last day set out in the clause. I demanded my ex to to go and see him and fix the problem, and he finally got around to it, but he had to take a day off work to do it. So he was also upset, so he wrote a letter to be put in his file that no letters or correspondence was to be sent out to my lawyer unless it was approved by him first. And that stopped the crap. But the fact is it put me through months and months of stress that he could have put a stop to at anytime. This also put stress on his daughter, but that was the way it always was with him. But at least he did do it finally. But there were so many things that happened with the visitations rights that it left a heavy mark on my daughter, and something I don't think will ever go away. The thing was she started to work part-time, and he said he couldn't take her because she had to work anyway. And then there was the part where she couldn't go to his place because he didn't have a bedroom for her. And then he started to date someone about 400 miles away, so when he had his days off that is where he headed. So to make up for not being there he would call her at work, and consider that a visitation. She would get so upset, because he would want her to talk while she was supposed to be working, on a phone that was used for reception and appointments. And no matter how many times she told him she could not talk while she was working her wouldn't hear it. Till finally one day her boss told him that he would have to call his daughter when she was not working. Not that he didn't want her talking to her father, but because she always ended up crying afterwards. Then once in a blue moon he would show up at her work place and bring her a piece of pizza, and say things like, 'gotta make sure my little girl eats.' Meanwhile her boss would have two large pizza's waiting in the back room. And her boss always took her to Wendy's on the way home and bought her supper, all the time. Him and his wife became like big brothers and sisters to her. And when he went to get married, he told them both a couple of months before, but he never prepared them or anything, he just said that he was getting married and did they want to come. But with Mel she would say things like lets see how long it takes him this time to call. Sometimes it would be 7 months before she would hear from him. And he lived in the same town. And when he got married, forget it. He wasn't going away anymore, but he had no time for her. Now, he has little or no contact with either of my girls. He does not even know he is going to be a grampa. She doesn't even know if he will come to her wedding, that is my older daughter. The thing is, he kept telling them that he was divorcing me, not them, then his actions said otherwise. He comes down here to go away on trips to the carribean and also to visit their friends near Toronto, but he doesn't even call them, let alone go and see them. But when he does, every blue moon, he acts like he knows everything about them. He just left a message on my youngest daughters phone and in two sentences he blamed her for them not talking, and said that he has called her so many times but she is never home, and he just didn't leave a message at the time. That was after about 8 months of no contact, the thing is she has call display, he never did call in that time. But she had gone to see him twice, but he was not home, and she had bought him a DVD and left it for him, and she had called him several times. So instead of his message cheering her up because he called her, it made her upset, and crying again. The last time she went up north, she did not call him or go to see him. Its just a sad, sad mess, and it breaks my heart seeing how this has hurt her. I made many attempts to get him to see the way it was hurting her, but he is blind. And his new wife is sweet as sugar when Mel has been there and he was home, but the minute he wasn't there, she took jabs at her about daddy's little cheque's everymonth. She hated the fact that he gave her money every month. That was the only thing you could ever count on, he always paid her child support. Once she was 18, the money went to her not me. But he has to pay me alimony until such time that I am remarried or have been living with a man for more then 3 years, that was put in because of the fact that he left when I was diagnosed as disabled. When Mel does get through to her dad, she makes small talk with his wife, and she never fails to mention that he is having a tough time of it, but has to keep working because of his obligations to me. A little jab here and there. The girls can't stand her, they tollerate her, they were taught to never disrespect an adult no matter how much you may not like them, so they have never done anything to deserve any of this. It was like he got married and forgot all about the last 20 yrs that he was married to me, and that he had children. I think that by him paying the support it takes away any guilt he might have had otherwise.
But he has missed out, and I have not. Both of the girls are widely loved by the people they have worked with, and while in school and along the way. You know he didn't even know his daughter had graduated with high honours and that she had won a bursary and been awarded for being the highest grade in English till months later. And one day about six or so months later he handed her a card, and said I forgot to give you this, it was a graduation card.
But it is so hard to go through all this with children involved. They hear and see more then we think, and then we are left with trying to help them heal. This year Mel sent me a father's day card saying thank-you for always being there for her, as I have been her mother as well as her father. I wish that it wasn't that way, I wish she had a father that she could feel close to and be able to call and just talk to, but its not to be. All we can do is keep a watchful eye on them and listen and listen and listen. It does pay off in the end.
Keep on with the fight to find something that is a more normal arrangement for him, and hopefully that will be soon.
Much love
Gentle hugs
Wendy
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MaggieRedwings
- King Penguin
- Posts: 3865
- Joined: Tue May 31, 2005 3:16 am
- Location: SE Pennsylvania
Hi Christine,
I totally understand where you are coming from except for the child. I was not lucky in the children department but my ex- reverently known as the "IDIOT" was unable to control himself in court and came with his lawyer and the IDIOT brought his own law books the day of court for our settlement and the judge agreed that he was an IDIOT. He tried to tell the judge how bad our house was - it was not - and the judge then asked him why he wanted to keep it and not give it to me if it was so bad?
The judge then said that the fear I had of the IDIOT was so evident that he decided the hearing was over because I just might break down right then and there. He settled to me for some $$ - not much - but it got him out of my life. Also, a side fact is that the IDIOT was a very intelligent but highly abusive individual - he is a nuclear engineer.
Just goes to show that judges can see through people. Keep the faith it will work out.
Maggie
I totally understand where you are coming from except for the child. I was not lucky in the children department but my ex- reverently known as the "IDIOT" was unable to control himself in court and came with his lawyer and the IDIOT brought his own law books the day of court for our settlement and the judge agreed that he was an IDIOT. He tried to tell the judge how bad our house was - it was not - and the judge then asked him why he wanted to keep it and not give it to me if it was so bad?
The judge then said that the fear I had of the IDIOT was so evident that he decided the hearing was over because I just might break down right then and there. He settled to me for some $$ - not much - but it got him out of my life. Also, a side fact is that the IDIOT was a very intelligent but highly abusive individual - he is a nuclear engineer.
Just goes to show that judges can see through people. Keep the faith it will work out.
Maggie
Maggie Scarpone
___________________
Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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barbaranoela
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 5394
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:11 pm
- Location: New York
Hiya Chris----my word----this court appearance is some story--
I was getting nervouse reading line for line---
U surely have had to be rattled with all this----and to imagine that he will have certain times to see his son too!!! To be honest with U---that would upset me---
Might I ask----how is your little guy handeling all of this???
Like how is he when he gets home after that time with his dad???
Whewwwwww---I really ache for U guys----and hope it settles down--
take care
luve Barbara
I was getting nervouse reading line for line---
U surely have had to be rattled with all this----and to imagine that he will have certain times to see his son too!!! To be honest with U---that would upset me---
Might I ask----how is your little guy handeling all of this???
Like how is he when he gets home after that time with his dad???
Whewwwwww---I really ache for U guys----and hope it settles down--
take care
luve Barbara
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control
Christine!It's about time someone with some clout gives him the "what fors". I hate it when the ex's make things so dang hard on the mother who is raising their children. It really, really makes me mad - I don't understand how they use their own children to make the mother miserable. They are hurting the kids so bad when they do that!!!! GGrrrrrrrrrrrr
I'm glad you are getting some things straightened around and a paper to back you up when he decides to have yet another dumba$$ attack - and I'm sure he will, just give him time!!
I'm with Barb, how's the little one handling all the chaos?
Thanks for taking the time to update us, I was thinking about you this morning!
Mars
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -- Buddha
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TendrTummy
- Gentoo Penguin
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- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 5:51 am
- Location: Waconia, MN, USA
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Hi again Gals :)
Wendy, that is a horrible story.. I'm so sorry your child got to be disappointed like that so continuously.
I too tried to prevent it. I figured surely if I chased full custody initially that Bill would escape to GA and Hunter would never even know him. So I gave him partial custody, no child support so he would be able to afford to stay as well. Boy did he ever take advantage.
Anyway, you all were wondering how Hunter is holding up. Other than the things his father says to him, and occassional conversations about that from us, he doesn't really hear much of it.
Bill is always telling him to hate Trent, and not to ever call him Dad. Hunter comes home confused and a little crabby. I think the love for Trent that he has conflicts with the need to "obey" his father (because his father WILL tell him to "obey" him and threaten him if he doesn't), and he ends up a little angry. We usually let him handle it a bit for himself, and then talk to him about it, and eventually his resistance breaks down, and he will tell us everything his horrid father has said about us. The prejudices he's been filling his head with shock me. Fortunately, because Hunter opens up to us, we're able to let him know that calling someone such things is not nice, nor is it acceptable, and this type of behavior in school would get him a trip to the principal's office. He seems to know without us having to tell him, but at the same time, he's been known to be a little stinker sometimes, and we always want to make sure we've established what behavior is or is not acceptable, so he knows what rules to follow and what consequences to expect.
So.. I guess Hunter isn't handling it that badly. I'm fortunate that he's at an age where he feels the need to vent his feelings to his mother; I'm sure he's not capable of processing them properly himself.. so hopefully if we keep the communication lines open, he won't push his anger inward.
That type of behavior in combination with the lying he did when he took Hunter to ND instead of GA, and Bill's general attitude towards his child's health (he smokes around him and feeds him nothing but fast food) and school (when he stole away to ND he didn't do the homework that was supposed to make up for the FIVE missed school days - and 3 of those days, they were just at home!) leads us to believe it would be best if he didn't spend so much time with Hunter. I mean.. we're telling him his schedule, yes. But he's pretty much forced this. I gave him all the leeway an ex-husband could hope for in our divorce. I really wished him well at the time. But he has taken my inch and taken 2 miles as well. And it's time to pay the piper.
He also agreed to Hunter going to school in Waconia, since we're the ones with the house and he moves from place to place all the time. He chooses now to live in Shakopee which is about 30-40 minutes from here, and so going back and forth on a school night is not exactly good for Hunter either. He also was keeping him overnight previously and taking him to school late. Now he has to return him at 7:30pm on school nights.. so the best bet for him would be the every other weekend, but again, he chooses to work every Sunday (for overtime - he says to pay his bills, but yet, he doesn't pay his daycare?), so that his his problem, not mine. We offered the time. He chooses to not see his son so much, but he also chooses to feel like I'm to blame, to rid himself of the guilt. He's always been a blame-shifter.
So you see, he brought this all upon himself, one stupid, idiotic move after another. He's shown no respect for me, the court system, or his son's wellbeing when it comes to getting a good sleep, vitamins and nutrients from a proper diet, and keeping a schedule to give him a sense of security. Hunter's behavior at his house is completely opposite his behavior at our house. He is a sweet little boy at our house, very creative. But Bill complains that he is naughty, shouts horrible things at inappropriate moments, etc. It's obvious that Hunter is reacting to Bill's horrible behavior.
I'm just hoping that limiting Hunter's time there will cause Hunter to only see *the good Bill*, to have a more proper schedule, diet, play, and hopefully he'll be a much happier, more secure little boy.
Anyway.. time to make dinner! We got out of court so early today that we did a few chores around the house, which always makes me happy (to get things done). I wasn't feeling good at all earlier today, but the pain seems to have passed. Maybe stress related. I was shaking in court! lol I came home and had complete *liquid* D.. ow!!!! Something about any type of BM these days hurts my tummy so bad afterward. Anyway, now that I feel better, I'm hungry!
Love,
Christine
Wendy, that is a horrible story.. I'm so sorry your child got to be disappointed like that so continuously.
I too tried to prevent it. I figured surely if I chased full custody initially that Bill would escape to GA and Hunter would never even know him. So I gave him partial custody, no child support so he would be able to afford to stay as well. Boy did he ever take advantage.
Anyway, you all were wondering how Hunter is holding up. Other than the things his father says to him, and occassional conversations about that from us, he doesn't really hear much of it.
Bill is always telling him to hate Trent, and not to ever call him Dad. Hunter comes home confused and a little crabby. I think the love for Trent that he has conflicts with the need to "obey" his father (because his father WILL tell him to "obey" him and threaten him if he doesn't), and he ends up a little angry. We usually let him handle it a bit for himself, and then talk to him about it, and eventually his resistance breaks down, and he will tell us everything his horrid father has said about us. The prejudices he's been filling his head with shock me. Fortunately, because Hunter opens up to us, we're able to let him know that calling someone such things is not nice, nor is it acceptable, and this type of behavior in school would get him a trip to the principal's office. He seems to know without us having to tell him, but at the same time, he's been known to be a little stinker sometimes, and we always want to make sure we've established what behavior is or is not acceptable, so he knows what rules to follow and what consequences to expect.
So.. I guess Hunter isn't handling it that badly. I'm fortunate that he's at an age where he feels the need to vent his feelings to his mother; I'm sure he's not capable of processing them properly himself.. so hopefully if we keep the communication lines open, he won't push his anger inward.
That type of behavior in combination with the lying he did when he took Hunter to ND instead of GA, and Bill's general attitude towards his child's health (he smokes around him and feeds him nothing but fast food) and school (when he stole away to ND he didn't do the homework that was supposed to make up for the FIVE missed school days - and 3 of those days, they were just at home!) leads us to believe it would be best if he didn't spend so much time with Hunter. I mean.. we're telling him his schedule, yes. But he's pretty much forced this. I gave him all the leeway an ex-husband could hope for in our divorce. I really wished him well at the time. But he has taken my inch and taken 2 miles as well. And it's time to pay the piper.
He also agreed to Hunter going to school in Waconia, since we're the ones with the house and he moves from place to place all the time. He chooses now to live in Shakopee which is about 30-40 minutes from here, and so going back and forth on a school night is not exactly good for Hunter either. He also was keeping him overnight previously and taking him to school late. Now he has to return him at 7:30pm on school nights.. so the best bet for him would be the every other weekend, but again, he chooses to work every Sunday (for overtime - he says to pay his bills, but yet, he doesn't pay his daycare?), so that his his problem, not mine. We offered the time. He chooses to not see his son so much, but he also chooses to feel like I'm to blame, to rid himself of the guilt. He's always been a blame-shifter.
So you see, he brought this all upon himself, one stupid, idiotic move after another. He's shown no respect for me, the court system, or his son's wellbeing when it comes to getting a good sleep, vitamins and nutrients from a proper diet, and keeping a schedule to give him a sense of security. Hunter's behavior at his house is completely opposite his behavior at our house. He is a sweet little boy at our house, very creative. But Bill complains that he is naughty, shouts horrible things at inappropriate moments, etc. It's obvious that Hunter is reacting to Bill's horrible behavior.
I'm just hoping that limiting Hunter's time there will cause Hunter to only see *the good Bill*, to have a more proper schedule, diet, play, and hopefully he'll be a much happier, more secure little boy.
Anyway.. time to make dinner! We got out of court so early today that we did a few chores around the house, which always makes me happy (to get things done). I wasn't feeling good at all earlier today, but the pain seems to have passed. Maybe stress related. I was shaking in court! lol I came home and had complete *liquid* D.. ow!!!! Something about any type of BM these days hurts my tummy so bad afterward. Anyway, now that I feel better, I'm hungry!
Love,
Christine
*shudder* So sorry any of you have to go through this. I'm glad Hunter will open up to you and Trent. I hope your ex will give up soon and just forget the whole thing. What an ideal solution, but he probably won't. Just hoping the Judge will be really tough on him.
(((((((Hugs)))))))
Love, Shirley
(((((((Hugs)))))))
Love, Shirley
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
-- Winston Churchill
-
TendrTummy
- Gentoo Penguin
- Posts: 466
- Joined: Thu May 26, 2005 5:51 am
- Location: Waconia, MN, USA
- Contact:
Peg,
Yes.. and.. yes.
I'm still super busy at work, working late sometimes, working from home sometimes, but not AS busy as before. And even better, they just promoted another Clin1 to Clin2, so now we have 3 people doing the job. This could be a bad thing, as layoffs are always imminent, but it could also mean my manager would be prepping (hopefully) me for a promotion again in about 6 months. if he didn't give it to me at that point, I'm thinking of leaving and trying to find a nice, local, quiet job. I don't need this stress. Sick of it.
Christine
Yes.. and.. yes.
I'm still super busy at work, working late sometimes, working from home sometimes, but not AS busy as before. And even better, they just promoted another Clin1 to Clin2, so now we have 3 people doing the job. This could be a bad thing, as layoffs are always imminent, but it could also mean my manager would be prepping (hopefully) me for a promotion again in about 6 months. if he didn't give it to me at that point, I'm thinking of leaving and trying to find a nice, local, quiet job. I don't need this stress. Sick of it.
Christine