Emotional Baggage--Have YOU Dealt With YOURS?

[Gabes-Apg]

the gabe 'book list'

back when i was going through the divorce one book that was fantastic
'we love each other ... but...' Dr Ellen Wachtel
this was very helpful and is not just about relationships with partners, it can apply to the relationship and issues within families, it talks about communication, decision making, dealing with emotional hang ups.
the cover says that it can help save the relationship - for me it highlighted alot of truths about ALL my relationships and some areas within myself i needed to ponder, rethink etc.
( it is easy to read chapters i finished it within a couple of days while i was travelling on flights)

during this time i was working with a company that was going through quite a bit of change - although it is classed as a business based book;
'who moved my cheese' dr spencer johnson Given the transition that we all go through adapting to life with MC, another quick and easy read.

and 'Fish!' fish has four principles
Be There: When people need you, they need all of you. Setting aside distractions and judgments to be mentally and emotionally present is a sign of respect. It improves communication and strengthens relationships.
Play: You can be serious about your work without taking yourself so seriously. Play is a mindset more than a specific activity. It allows you to throw yourself with enthusiasm and creativity into whatever you are doing, in a way that is natural, not forced. "Playing” with ideas helps you find solutions to everyday challenges.
Make Their Day: Simple gestures of thoughtfulness, thanks and recognition make people feel appreciated and valued. When you make someone else feel good, you feel good too.
Choose Your Attitude: To actually choose how you respond to life, not just react, you must be intentional. When you get up, decide who you want to "be" today. Moment-to-moment awareness is key. Ask yourself throughout the day, "What is my attitude right now? Is it helping the people who depend on me? Is it helping me to be most effective?"

In line with Fish! i have learnt to do this for myself. nuture and care for myself 'guilt free'
you can do this with your family, how you approach your MC eating plan,

as part of the session we did around this time with a faciliator, i learnt two important mantra's that have supported me for over 10 years

firstly: fact theory. hold a pen in the air, let it go and it drops to the ground due to gravity, FACT. we cant change gravity. to hold the pen in the air takes energy so why do it unless you really have to.
there will be seasons summer, fall, winter spring - fact! you cant change that, dont waste energy trying to push against it or resenting it
there will be days when traffic is heavy, you may not find car parks easily - that is fact, it is out of our control - dont waste energy on it
put your energy into the things you can change, improve, benefit from - let go and dont waste energy on the things you cant -

Secondly - my shite versus not my shite.
similar to the theory above. make decisions for me, for my needs, for my wants, dont put others first all the time, dont make decisions based on how I think others will react.
dont spend time and energy on other peoples shite! if someone wants to be drama queen at work - that is their shite, i distance myself.
this doesnt mean that you dont care about others, nor makes you isolated. it is refocussing your thoughts, emotions, beliefs on 'your shite'
a friend is having a bad day, you can show support and care, but dont absorb their stuff and make it yours per say -

more books
along the lines of the fact rule and my shite rule
- loving what is - byron katie

this helps you to review, and reasses beliefs from the past ?20 - 30 odd years and see if they still apply now.


now into the buddism side
i was raised a catholic, i am not anti-christianity then again I am not strong in a christain based faith as i find the guidelines of christianity do not match my thoughts and beliefs as they are now.

the next three were gifts from the beautiful Polly!
Taking The Leap - Pema Chodron - Freeing oursleves from old habits and fears
no self no problem - anam thubten
Just one thing- Rick handson Phd

at the same time i have read about 40 or more books via ibooks on my ipod. Most of them were free via itunes... !! i have ready many about mindfullness, buddism, radiance, living deliberately, true balance, transition and change etc etc


Deepak chopra - i have read two of his books
ageless body, timeless mind
reinventing the body, resurrecting the soul

both are about healing via the mind and how we live our lives,

also along the same line as deepack chopra

Anatomy of the spirit - Caroline Myss
the seven stages of power and healing

like we retrain our brains and tastebuds to the MC eating plan - i am also retraining my brain about health and healing. not easy and it takes time....

now we come to my hero - via some free podcasts on itunes called 'soul connections' i am entrenched in the work of Robert Ohotto.
I have read his book -turning fate into destiny
thanks to a xmas pressie from Joe - i am an archive member of the robert ohotto website and can access all his radio shows back to 2008!
Some of his programs i have listened to more than 5 times, each time it brings a new memory /thought and i have filled a 128 page work book with the journaling and dreams that come from me listening to his shows.

he has a fantastic show called - fixing versus healing; another - redefining forgiveness

He had a challenging life, and jokes about victim parties and eating buckets of ice cream. He reminds us that the past is events that happened to us, they dont have to define who we are now.
We are living in a very shame based society and gives so many practical concepts to how you can live guilt and shame free.
Rather than try and distance ourselves from our shadow (the past) and our inner dragons (triggers) he shows you how to befriend them, co-habitate with them, not fear them, not let them take over.
not only to accept you for you - but how to love yourself!
live in the moment
put your energies into the things can you can change
etc etc

i recommend reading his book first to become familiar with his lingo and his basis and then the podcasts and the previous radio shows will not be as overwhelming at first.
i think the book is about $14 on his website ( not expensive in the scheme of how much counselling appointments can cost!!!)
at the end of his radio show podcasts he talks to listeners - it is in these conversations that i have so many lightbulb moments. a bit like this forum, the reassurance that i am not the only one thinking and/or feeling that way.

I play the shows while i am doing housework, cooking, pottering around, when i am editing photos on the computer, when i am sewing, and sometimes on the weekends mid afternoon if the chores are done, i just relax, lay down and play one of the shows.

my last favourite book is the one that joe mention by Mark Nebo.
there is a well written short topic for every day. a fantastic way to start the day, and put the mind/heart/soul into a good space - takes about 4 minutes.

books and authors are very personal - you will know by the first chapter if the book is for you. I have many books that i started and never finished.
i have some books that i start, put it down for 6 months or more and then pick up again and finish. and others that i read, and i cant stop reading!!! at any time i can have 4 or 5 books 'on the go'

another that i recently started was 'fear' by osho understanding and accepting the insecurities of life. it is early days (pg21) to know if i would recommend this yet, linked to my learnings from the robert ohotto shows, i am currently pondering alot about fear, from childhood, and current day, and even trying to gain insight into some of the subconcious fears i have about the future.

i have found that there is not ONE book that will reveal all, or be the be all end all - i have found with all of these i have gained alot from each one, in different ways.
some I have gone back and read again (and again) or read some of the chapters again

the list above is my pick - over the course of the last 13 years i have read at least 50 books about relationships, (partner and family) self help, grief, forgiveness etc etc

all of the books above are filled with folded pages and bookmarks (i use cards from friends as bookmarks) when i was packing to move i opened the book and read the pages where there were bookmarks. (and re-read the card as well!)

I am a real paper book gal! i always carry one on my bag so i have something to read when waiting at appointments etc. I like to read in my hammock, on the lounge, on the bed, in the park across the road...

[Gabes-Apg]

Forgot two - namely because they are not in the bookshelf but currently on loan to friends...

'Getting past OK' Richard Brodie
'How I got my wiggle back' Anthony Field

[Lesley]

I have been following this thread fervently because there are so many things that touch my heart and soul. I don't know whether people who don't suffer from this disease and/or other health issues look as deep into themselves like we do.
I have been working on myself since a TERRIBLE divorce at the beginning of the 80s, basically causing the destruction of my nuclear family. I had to figure out why, as a battered woman, I had stayed, and grieved for the marriage. I had to face the fact that I, and every other battered woman (emotionally and/or physically) have to take responsibility for 50% of a relationship - any relationship, including a sick one where one is being battered. My youngest son says I saved him by teaching him this. Took me long enough and a plethora of pain to learn.

Since then I have been through a lot of hell, and now, at 68, I am battling with my health issues. My back has been giving me fits (to quote a friend of mine), and I have been finding it extremely difficult to function. Standing in the kitchen (no place to sit) has been terrible, and walking, though I try to do it, incredibly painful. Worse and worse since I came back. So today I had a caudal epidural in the hope it would help the pain.
I have a bad trigger finger on my right hand, and was developing a trigger in my thumb. Oy! My right hand! My opposable thumb, so I finally went to a doctor who gave me cortisone shots into both fingers. The long standing one was pain free for 5 months and has just worn off,(probably needs surgery) but the thumb is still OK.
I was encouraged to have the shot in my back because of the success of these. I have had epidurals before, but none helped like the finger ones.
The doc said he could see the scar tissue and was surprised I was able to give up the vicoden. I encouraged him to come on this site and see what MC could do to a person.

Stress? Yes, Adam and Lenny coming to live here is super stressful, and having my bag stolen was even more so. Pain (Jim, how I understand you!) non stop. Flare, anyone?

I am incredibly grateful for the friends I have found here. I have not met anyone personally, but could not have gone through the last year and a half without you!

Monique, thanks for starting this thread. We all try to be so cheerful all the time. It's good to be able to "talk" like this!

[wmonique2]

Gabes---thank you so much for the list of great books you suggested. I am a life long fan of Deepak Chopra and Caroline Miss. Read all their books. Will bookmark your page for future reference.

Lesley---Trauma is trauma whether it is from divorce or grief. Divorce is loss. I'll tell you this. Forty years ago I was in a terrible car accident as a passenger. Immediately thereafter I got diabetes. First trauma in my life. Second trauma in my life was last year when I lost my husband. I got MC. If there is such a thing as cellular memory, this is its manifestation.

Here is a quote from C.S Lewis:

HARDSHIPS OFTEN PREPARE ORDINARY PEOPLE FOR AN EXTRAORDINARY DESTINY.

I hope he is right.

Monique

[wmonique2]

Eric,

I checked some of your links. Interesting inner child meditation and also the surrendering one. Powerful. I'll try them.


Can you share your experience with functional medicine? Did it work for you and what did you get done?


Thanks,

Monique

[Sheila]

These posts are so full of grief and loss. The loss of loved ones and the loss of our health.
When asked what caused my MC I usually say it was caused by a strong antibiotic. I'm sure that played a part as did the loss of my first husband in 2002 from aggressive prostate cancer. I had just met the man who would become my second husband when I had to have a spinal fusion. We married in 2006 and the losses and stress continued. My sister is addicted to prescription drugs and had to move in with my elderly mother. What a disaster! After 2 years my sister agreed to go to a treatment facility. While she was there, my mother died unnecessarily of infection after a wrong diagnosis. My pug died and a month or so later the WD started. Since then my second husband died of mesothelioma. He had been sick for 2 years before the diagnosis and died 10 weeks afterward.

Life is settled and quiet now, new dog but no more husbands. We tend to think our problems are the worst until we hear what others have been through. We are a compassionate group of people because of all the grief, pain and loss we have gone through.

Thanks for starting this thread, Monique. After reading these stories I know why we are so quick to try to help one another.

Sheila W

[wmonique2]

Sheila,

like so many of us, you've been hammered...so sorry.

Monique

[Eric]

Monique,
My full opinion may not be appropriate in this thread, but overall my experience with functional/integrative medicine has been positive. Most of what I've researched indicates functional medicine is largely based on traditional allopathic medicine, but more inclined to employ diet, supplements, etc. in addtion to rx meds while trying to get at the root cause of the dis ease instead of just treating symptoms.

The only functional med doc I've been exposed to has lots of good info on his website (that was his page with the meditations) about his treatments and therapies. Of particular interest to this group would be his webinar on gut health and systemic disease https://www.alcat.com/practitioner_serv ... ic-Disease

[wmonique2]

Eric,

I started a new thread about functional medicine. Maybe you can post your experiences there and we'll get this conversation going...

Thanks,

Monique