Food, Attitude and Stress

JFR · Post by **JFR** » Sun Aug 17, 2014 2:33 pm

People visit this site in hopes of finding a way to control the usually severe and life altering symptoms that they are experiencing. The information they receive here focuses on the absolute necessity of figuring out what their dietary triggers are, especially gluten but dairy, soy, eggs and other as well, the need for 100% avoidance, the role of medication in controlling some symptoms but not in alleviating the inflammation that causes it (that is done through food avoidance) and reducing stress, another important symptom trigger. One important source of stress is the attitude that a person brings to this journey. It is understandable to feel sorry for yourself that you have to contend with the nightmare that MC usually is and it is not unexpected that overhauling one's diet and avoiding foods that are ubiquitous and often equate to comfort foods can feel depressing and overwhelming, but if you remain stuck in that attitude of self-pity and despair, not only will it be harder to put the necessary changes into practice but the additional stress caused by this attitude will serve to make things worse not matter what you do because it will be a source of constant stress. So once you get over the initial shock of it all, it is really important to find ways to frame what you must do to bring things under control so that you can celebrate your success and feel gratitude for the knowledge you have gained, about health, your body, and appreciating the moment rather than living in the despair of what can feel like deprivation. There truly is life after going gluten, dairy, soy and egg free, if that is what you must do. In fact this kind of life is much better than the life that contained those foods but was always centered around the location of the nearest bathroom. How would you rather live?

Jean

Post by **tex** » Sun Aug 17, 2014 3:27 pm

All I can add is

Tex

UkuleleLady · Post by **UkuleleLady** » Sun Aug 17, 2014 3:42 pm

Stress is a huge factor in this disease, whether experienced in a huge stressful event, or low-grade, everyday stress. I believe years of low grade stress produced by trying to control outcomes, the people in my life, how I was perceived by others, how I could not live up to my expectations, etc. contributed to my disease.

What Jean says is very valuable,

appreciating the moment rather than living in the despair of what can feel like deprivation.

Mindfulness and acceptance, an attitude of gratitude (not for the WD but perhaps for your ability to hear music, see birds flying, smell roses, feel love) can create a healing shift.

I went through a period of hating my body, hating that I had no control. Pooping in my pants was one of the most devastating experiences of my life, but it also taught me humility. It is hard to believe, but I am now coming from a place where I am grateful for having MC. It's been a hard year, and my body is far from perfect, but I am better for this disease because I can accept my life as it is RIGHT now, and I never had that before. I had unreasonable expectations that my body would continue to do this or that or I could eat this or that. I see now I can have no expectations but live in the moment, one day at a time.

In fact the recovery community has a lot of good slogans like "one day at a time," and the serenity prayer is very helpful to me as an MCer

"God/Goddess/Source/Universe, grant me the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference"

DebE13 · Post by **DebE13** » Sun Aug 17, 2014 6:05 pm

Thanks for the remider Jean. I've been struggling with that one lately and it's good to hear it again because you are absolutley right. I've been meadering down the road of self pity even though I know full well I have no place there. Your words of "why not me" often echo in my head as my more sensible self tries to give the whiner in me a kick in the pants. Yesterday was the one year marker of my cancer dx, which at the time, I wondered if I would make to today. I have much to be greatful for yet I continue to choose to give into my frustrations of cooking and and hatred of how it has changed my life for me and those I love most. Years ago I said I would do whatever it takes to get better and I have. Not where I want to be but I have made real progress. Part of me reminds me of my own words and another part of me objects, saying that wasn't the deal. I have given up more than I ever thought I could yet I still have D. I drive myself nuts because I know how I should feel yet the acceptance is often fleeting. All I can do is keep working at it and know there are people who have pooped in their pants too.

Seriously, thanks for the words of wisdom. It takes effort at first to change a mindset and with practice it can become habit, then a true feeling that doesn't take half as much effort as it does to throw tantrums.

Whiplash · Post by **Whiplash** » Sun Aug 17, 2014 9:45 pm

The way I look at it, there is no need to wring our hands over the foods we can no longer eat, but there is also no need to do without comfort foods. Even people who have MC and have eliminated gluten and dairy still want to eat good tasting foods and sweet treats. There are plenty of gluten and dairy-free recipes out there. All we have to do is locate and try them until we hit on the really excellent ones. So instead of hand-wringing, I am searching for certain recipes and will try some concoctions of my own.

nerdhume · Post by **nerdhume** » Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:08 am

Very well said...all of you!

I used to try to control everything all the time. After dealing with this I realized how little most of those things matter.

Always use the serenity prayer, always have trouble with knowing the difference. Do I have any control over UC? All I can do is hope to control what I eat.

Polly · Post by **Polly** » Mon Aug 18, 2014 8:49 am

Here, here.....I'll drink to all of the wise advice above!

Polly

MaggieRedwings · Post by **MaggieRedwings** » Tue Aug 19, 2014 5:11 am

I'll join you with a glass of wine Polly for the sage advice mentioned. The two of us have been at this for oh so long and every now and then, I have my own pity party and then let it go. Have to live for the moment - we cannot change what we have.

Love, Maggie

twirlitgirl · Post by **twirlitgirl** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 3:09 pm

Wow... so well said, , hugs to everyone.

Sheila · Post by **Sheila** » Thu Aug 21, 2014 7:43 pm

Very well said, Jean. It's normal to have a little pity party once in a while when we can't participate in a food-related event or have to bring a Baggie of homemade food to a fancy party. So, you feel sorry for yourself and then get over it. This disease most probably will not kill us. My mother lived with it, untreated and experiencing daily WD, until she was 93.

I'm on a very restricted modified paleo diet, no nightshades or legumes. Over the past 3+ years I've found recipes that are very, very good. I look forward to eating them and am satisfied. I didn't think that would ever be possible. Every extravagance is cherished; coffee once a day, a glass of wine with dinner, a homemade cookie. Where I used to crave variety, I'm now satisfied with predictability. I'm no longer sick and that is worth all of the effort it took to get here.

This Board, and Tex and Polly, in particular, are our safety net. I know that if I have a problem relating to MC or celiac or almost anything else, help is here, always.

Sheila W

Lesley · Post by **Lesley** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 11:11 am

As I have said 1000,000 times this board saved my life. I truly thought I would die in a pool of poop, and the docs wouldn't know or care. My PCP actually said to me that once people know it's benign and could disappear without any notice they should accept it and get on with it.

She is totally unable to understand. I have always thought she saw me as a bit of a hypochondriac, and, because I have such a high pain threshold, that I am a complainer. I thought that would end when she realized I had a broken back and 2 ruptured disks and was still functioning without pain meds, because of MC. That she might realize that MC is so bad that I put up with serious pain rather than take any pain meds. You would think, but no.
So I use her to write letters, give prescriptions and so forth. She is useless to me as a doctor, and my GI - well, the least said the better.
The only one is my urogynie. She's great, but can't intrude on the GIs territory.
So I am on my own - except for you guys. I guess you can all understand how much you and this board mean to me.

I have struggled with diet for 4 years in September. I have a particularly weird form of MC. Until Polly put her finger on the probable reason - polio when I was a small kid - no one had any idea how to help. Since knowing that my attitude and my experimentation have taken a different tack. Here I have to bless darling Gabes, who has suggested, supported, put up with and so forth!!!
Her attitude is incredible. She is so giving, and helpful in spite of her own battles with her illness, which has unimaginable dimensions, which she has researched and is working on getting it under control, and is so willing to share her understanding and knowledge with the patience of a saint.
And that goes for all of you. Jean, your attitude and ability to accept your illness has always been an inspiration. I remember when you came on the board, and had a hard time because your daughter was getting married. The way you handled that was incredible. Your post is timely and inspiring as usual.
Many people who were here when I came on have not been on the board for a long time. I hope it is because they are way better, and are busy with great lives!
Joan, Paula, Monique, Carol, Connie, Joe and so many others who have become real friends - it's amazing the depths of the relationships I have developed.
And, of course - always there for us - Tex! Thank you.

So when I have a bout of self pity I come here and read about people who are just starting out, and have a way to go before acceptance comes. All I can say is HANG IN THERE! You will get to a point where you come up against a bad period and will be able to say to yourselves: oops, rest, stay hydrated, eat only your few safe foods and wait for a better period to come along. It will. Also accept that a better period is NOT what it was before MC. It is what it is. Enjoy the "feeling better" and keep on keeping on. After all, it is way, way better than the alternative.

twirlitgirl · Post by **twirlitgirl** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 1:47 pm

Hi everyone,
I am just smiling and feeling so grateful to be a part of so much support
It made my day, my week to read such awe inspiring words from you all
Thank you for lifting me up if you were here in the room I would be doing High 5's to everyone , I am still here in this incredible world smelling the flowers and around people I love
and that is to be celebrated , I am still me and I intend to enjoy my life whatever I gotta do or eat , and be merry , happy and so grateful for just being alive. Life is a gift and so precious

Grahm · Post by **Grahm** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 2:02 pm

Twirlitgirl,

I'll drink to that! The very same thoughts here.

Connie

JFR · Post by **JFR** » Fri Aug 22, 2014 4:50 pm

Lesley wrote: So when I have a bout of self pity I come here and read about people who are just starting out, and have a way to go before acceptance comes. All I can say is HANG IN THERE! You will get to a point where you come up against a bad period and will be able to say to yourselves: oops, rest, stay hydrated, eat only your few safe foods and wait for a better period to come along. It will. Also accept that a better period is NOT what it was before MC. It is what it is. Enjoy the "feeling better" and keep on keeping on. After all, it is way, way better than the alternative.

Lesley - I have seen how your attitude has changed over the time I have been on this forum. You seem to have come to a kind of acceptance that can only benefit you both physically and emotionally. I know you have had a lot of challenges and continue to have them. I find that being able to face things with some degree of equanimity is so much better than finding myself in a frenzy of panic and despair. This takes as much work if not more than figuring out the diet stuff and you have been doing that work as have I. I am not without my own meshugas (Yiddish for craziness for those not familiar with the term) but I try to keep it in check.

Jean