Ugh...as if dealing with MC wasn't enough!
My 18 year old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa/orthorexia going on 3 years ago. Prior to that I had decided to adjust our diets to mostly gluten free and mostly eliminated white potatoes/rice etc. After several years of high stress and gaining weight and not feeling all that well I thought this was in all of our best interests. I lost weight and felt at least somewhat better. The kids got off of sodas and Kool-aid etc. and we ate few processed foods. And unfortunately my daughter took things to a whole new level and ran with it, listening to her eating disorder voice and deciding that eliminating entire food groups was in her best interest then she started not eating at all.
Fast forward to my MC diagnosis. With her disordered eating she seriously thinks that my eliminating gluten a few years ago caused me to become intolerant of it and that if I only try eating it regularly then I can get used to it again. She has seen me struggle with flares when I eat a lot of gluten or other problematic foods like dairy. She is a smart girl and knows that I had the biopsy and that MC is a real diagnosis. And she knows I've been diagnosed in the past with other autoimmune issues. But she cannot differentiate that what is unhealthy for me can be OK for her (I know that gluten isn't actually healthy for anyone but her eating and maintaining her weight is more important than that right now).
She's getting ready to start college and has been struggling with her eating much more than usual. Of course with my recent flare it's been especially problematic because my needing to restrict foods impacts her even though she should be able to be rational about it...but her mental illness (which also includes borderline personality disorder) prevents her from rational thought. I want/need to jump into eating to heal but it's not that easy, walking on eggshells around her and making sure she at least eats enough not to spiral down to an unhealthy weight again. She will be staying at a dorm about 30 min away from home and has an unlimited meal plan, but I fear that she won't eat. And I'm anticipating her coming home more weekends than not and she's going to want me to eat like "normal" with her, eating out or fixing things that she will eat but will want me to eat as well.
I'm at a loss and it's so hard!!!
Additional hurdles - need to vent
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ManiacalFairy
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:01 am
- Location: North Carolina
Additional hurdles - need to vent
Paula
'In Omnia Paratus'
'In Omnia Paratus'
Hi Paula,
Your daughter is a good example of a little education being a bad thing. She's partially correct. Many people are capable of teaching their immune system to tolerate certain food sensitivities, including gluten. Many celiacs are asymptomatic (as far as their digestive system is concerned). However, she only understands what she chooses to understand about the implications of immunotherapy. She's overlooking and ignoring the downside.
You may be able to force your immune system to accept/tolerate gluten, but your immune system will still produce antibodies even though they may not cause clinical symptoms. "Why does that matter?", you might ask, and that is a good question.
It matters because you will be perpetuating a system-wide state of chronic inflammation, and it is a fact that all major diseases are caused by inflammation, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Alzheimer's, arthritis, etc. You will be trading the ability to eat gluten now for good health in your "golden" years. If you continue to eat gluten (when you already produce antibodies against it) you will virtually guarantee the development of additional autoimmune diseases in the future. You can deny the risks of gluten sensitivity if you want (as your daughter advocates), but that doesn't make you immune to the health risks associated with routine gluten exposure.
Yes it's hard, especially when you're surrounded by well-meaning but uninformed self-proclaimed "experts" (especially when they are relatives) but it's your body, and you are the only one who has to live in that body, so you are ultimately responsible for how well it's maintained. Please don't let your daughter destroy your health, her judgement is so poor that she's already severely damaged her long-term health. Putting your health at risk to encourage her to eat seems like a convoluted choice with a poor risk/reward ratio.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Tex
Your daughter is a good example of a little education being a bad thing. She's partially correct. Many people are capable of teaching their immune system to tolerate certain food sensitivities, including gluten. Many celiacs are asymptomatic (as far as their digestive system is concerned). However, she only understands what she chooses to understand about the implications of immunotherapy. She's overlooking and ignoring the downside.
You may be able to force your immune system to accept/tolerate gluten, but your immune system will still produce antibodies even though they may not cause clinical symptoms. "Why does that matter?", you might ask, and that is a good question.
It matters because you will be perpetuating a system-wide state of chronic inflammation, and it is a fact that all major diseases are caused by inflammation, including cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Alzheimer's, arthritis, etc. You will be trading the ability to eat gluten now for good health in your "golden" years. If you continue to eat gluten (when you already produce antibodies against it) you will virtually guarantee the development of additional autoimmune diseases in the future. You can deny the risks of gluten sensitivity if you want (as your daughter advocates), but that doesn't make you immune to the health risks associated with routine gluten exposure.
Yes it's hard, especially when you're surrounded by well-meaning but uninformed self-proclaimed "experts" (especially when they are relatives) but it's your body, and you are the only one who has to live in that body, so you are ultimately responsible for how well it's maintained. Please don't let your daughter destroy your health, her judgement is so poor that she's already severely damaged her long-term health. Putting your health at risk to encourage her to eat seems like a convoluted choice with a poor risk/reward ratio.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Tex
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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ManiacalFairy
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:01 am
- Location: North Carolina
You're a good mother and you're trying to help your daughter as much as possible and that makes it doubly tough. A big problem with this disease is that unless they have it, no one else can really understand just how debilitating it can be, and that includes our doctors.
Tex
Tex
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
Hi Paula,
A couple of comments:
1. Buy Tex's hard copy book and have it sitting around for other family members to look (bathroom reading etc.)
2. We have a serious IBD. You must take care of yourself first. On airplanes they tell the mothers to put their oxygen masks on first before putting the masks on their children.
3. Stress is the enemy of MC. Try to worry about today only. Do not worry about what you are going to feed your daughter 3 months out. You may have to give yourself some positive self talk. ex. "I will only concern myself about today."
4. I live in a college town. If things get rough you may want to consult a professional who is trained at dealing with families in which a member has disordered eating about best way to interact with daughter and food especially given your own health situation.
A couple of comments:
1. Buy Tex's hard copy book and have it sitting around for other family members to look (bathroom reading etc.)
2. We have a serious IBD. You must take care of yourself first. On airplanes they tell the mothers to put their oxygen masks on first before putting the masks on their children.
3. Stress is the enemy of MC. Try to worry about today only. Do not worry about what you are going to feed your daughter 3 months out. You may have to give yourself some positive self talk. ex. "I will only concern myself about today."
4. I live in a college town. If things get rough you may want to consult a professional who is trained at dealing with families in which a member has disordered eating about best way to interact with daughter and food especially given your own health situation.
Hi Paula,
I have worked in a Liberal Arts College Foodservice for 23 years now. You or your daughter need to let their Residence Life Office know of her eating habits or diagnosis. The Food Service Director and Dining Hall Manager need to be aware of her also. Depending on if she is in a college that have Student Resident Directors or Student Advisers in each dorm they need to be informed of this also so they can keep an eye on her, not make her feel uncomfortable, just a caring eye.
This is what makes college effective so parents such as ourselves can relax knowing there are others keeping the same watchful eye as we would. Believe me I see tons of helicopter parents and those kids have a hard time adjusting to begin with....if she is going to the right college her peers will help her adjust, that way all you have to tend to is the visiting part when opportunity arises
I wish you peace and serenity and that you find a good eating plan for the both of you.
Hugs
Erica
I have worked in a Liberal Arts College Foodservice for 23 years now. You or your daughter need to let their Residence Life Office know of her eating habits or diagnosis. The Food Service Director and Dining Hall Manager need to be aware of her also. Depending on if she is in a college that have Student Resident Directors or Student Advisers in each dorm they need to be informed of this also so they can keep an eye on her, not make her feel uncomfortable, just a caring eye.
This is what makes college effective so parents such as ourselves can relax knowing there are others keeping the same watchful eye as we would. Believe me I see tons of helicopter parents and those kids have a hard time adjusting to begin with....if she is going to the right college her peers will help her adjust, that way all you have to tend to is the visiting part when opportunity arises
I wish you peace and serenity and that you find a good eating plan for the both of you.
Hugs
Erica
To Succeed you have to Believe in something with such a passion that it becomes a Reality - Anita Roddick
Dx LC April 2012 had symptoms since Aug 2007
Dx LC April 2012 had symptoms since Aug 2007
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ManiacalFairy
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 8:01 am
- Location: North Carolina
Thank you Erica! Her therapist told me today that she's heard there is a good ED support network at her school and I've talked with my daughter about the necessity of becoming a part of that network. I'm not much of a helicopter parent when she's not under my roof and I've already relinquished most of my control now that she's 18.
Paula
'In Omnia Paratus'
'In Omnia Paratus'