Hi all,
I've recently joined an abuse support group type website and on there, I've found polls regarding immune disorders, auto-immune disorders, and unexplained stomach issues as well as explained stomach issues!
I know doctors in the past have made many correlations between those who've been abused in some manner or another, and frequent abdominal pain/stomach issues, and I wonder how many of us here have ever experienced any type of abuse: emotional, verbal, or physical/sexual, on a continuing basis.
It has been said that those who've experienced this type of issue are known to self blame, self loathe, and keep many emotions tucked deep down inside, which turns into things like anxiety, depression, and manifests into physical symptoms as well. (such as stomach pain)
I'm asking all of you: have you ever been in a situation where you've been abused verbally or emotionally on a continuing basis OR in a situation where you've been abused physically and/or sexually?
Note: I realize this may be some very personal info and just want you to know I have no interest in the gorry details, I just wonder how many of us have had similar experiences..
How many of us have been abused? All respond yes or no, pls
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TendrTummy
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kate_ce1995
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I checked no, but my old place of employment I think pushing the envelope from one employee of abusive. But I got sick first, then the yelling started because he thought I was faking being sick so I wouldn't have to do certain components of my job! Even worse he had/has Chron's disease and out to know how hard it is to work and be possitive when you feel like CRAP!
Guess, all I'm saying is I don't know if there is a specific deliniation in which "you were abused", "you weren't abused" occurs.
Katy
Guess, all I'm saying is I don't know if there is a specific deliniation in which "you were abused", "you weren't abused" occurs.
Katy
I was raised in the sixties where spanking and hitting was pretty common. I remember getting hit with a lot of different things.....brushes, belts, tree switches...and lots of yelling and threats. I remember being pre school age and my stomach churning when my parents called for me. My stomach has churned like that my wholw life. A lot of people my age had upbringings like this...I think I was particularly sensitive to it. I never , ever hit my kids or raised my voice to either of them and they are trusting , caring, open people. They sometimes get butterflies in their stomachs (rare) so I think genetics plays a part too.
Love,
Cristi
Love,
Cristi
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TendrTummy
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Thanks both of you, and all who answered!!!
I was referring to abusive situations before the stomach symptoms began, but MY GOSH, nice coworker! I had a similar situation when I got sick because my boss had NO empathy. And he has MS!!!! You'd THINK he could relate, but his wife basically did ALL of the child-rearing and staying home when they were sick and he would often harrass me when my kids were sick, because it was in addition to the time I was already off for stomach issues. Well, my hubby works here too, so you'd think he'd KNOW that it was either him or me, and we alternated pretty regularly. Some bosses/coworkers are just jerks. Even if they do have some sort of disease and should be able to empathize.. These two in particular sound like they can be categorized as manipulators, however, which is considered emotional abuse. Basically, they say or do what it takes to get the action out of YOU that is desired.
Cludwig, I can SO relate to the punishments, threats, etc. My parents didn't really do the corporal punishment like spanking (they tried it once and didn't care for it.. go figure..) but my mom pretty much had it ingrained in my head by the age of 5 that I was worthless, lazy, good for nothing, etc.
Looking back now, I realize that kids are a reflection of their parents, so if I was worthless, lazy, etc, I was only reflecting how worthless and lazy she was being. But that's a can of worms I don't care to open very often.
Anyway, to clarify, I mean those who've had some of the following types of situations at ANY point in their life BEFORE the stomach symptoms, as a possible contributing factor to them:
1. verbal/emotional abuse - parents, supposed friends, loved ones, trusted people calling you names, insulting you, telling you you're worthless, lazy, etc on a regular basis for any duration of time. Feeling of being controlled by another person. Feeling of having no say in your own life. Someone telling you when you will or will not do things, spend money, etc. Being treated like an animal. I would categorize someone cheating on you as being emotional abuse as well.
2. physical abuse such as spanking, hitting, slapping, even if it was just ONCE.
3. sexual abuse such as ANYONE touching you that was not welcomed, or was welcomed when you were under the age of 18 (unable to consent), even if it was just ONCE.
These are the types of things that can leave lasting impressions, and cause various things/sounds/sights to trigger emotions that are undesired, and perhaps even trigger physical ailments/symptoms, such as the "butterflies in the stomach" feeling/aka anxiety.
Christine
I was referring to abusive situations before the stomach symptoms began, but MY GOSH, nice coworker! I had a similar situation when I got sick because my boss had NO empathy. And he has MS!!!! You'd THINK he could relate, but his wife basically did ALL of the child-rearing and staying home when they were sick and he would often harrass me when my kids were sick, because it was in addition to the time I was already off for stomach issues. Well, my hubby works here too, so you'd think he'd KNOW that it was either him or me, and we alternated pretty regularly. Some bosses/coworkers are just jerks. Even if they do have some sort of disease and should be able to empathize.. These two in particular sound like they can be categorized as manipulators, however, which is considered emotional abuse. Basically, they say or do what it takes to get the action out of YOU that is desired.
Cludwig, I can SO relate to the punishments, threats, etc. My parents didn't really do the corporal punishment like spanking (they tried it once and didn't care for it.. go figure..) but my mom pretty much had it ingrained in my head by the age of 5 that I was worthless, lazy, good for nothing, etc.
Looking back now, I realize that kids are a reflection of their parents, so if I was worthless, lazy, etc, I was only reflecting how worthless and lazy she was being. But that's a can of worms I don't care to open very often.
Anyway, to clarify, I mean those who've had some of the following types of situations at ANY point in their life BEFORE the stomach symptoms, as a possible contributing factor to them:
1. verbal/emotional abuse - parents, supposed friends, loved ones, trusted people calling you names, insulting you, telling you you're worthless, lazy, etc on a regular basis for any duration of time. Feeling of being controlled by another person. Feeling of having no say in your own life. Someone telling you when you will or will not do things, spend money, etc. Being treated like an animal. I would categorize someone cheating on you as being emotional abuse as well.
2. physical abuse such as spanking, hitting, slapping, even if it was just ONCE.
3. sexual abuse such as ANYONE touching you that was not welcomed, or was welcomed when you were under the age of 18 (unable to consent), even if it was just ONCE.
These are the types of things that can leave lasting impressions, and cause various things/sounds/sights to trigger emotions that are undesired, and perhaps even trigger physical ailments/symptoms, such as the "butterflies in the stomach" feeling/aka anxiety.
Christine
Ye gods, after your description, Christine, I feel like clicking yes more than once. Yes, yes, yes, and yes!!! And every time it happened I held the anxiety in my gut. Even as a little girl. I wonder if all that "bad girl" stuff has now become the way I think of myself? It is automatic, whatever it is. Like there's a connection directly from my limbic brain straight to my gut. Verrrry interesting.
Love,
Sally
Love,
Sally
Mitakuye oyasin
(Lakota for "We are all related")
(Lakota for "We are all related")
No I was never abused, not by my parents or anyone else. The one thing that keeps me going during life's normal ups and downs has always been good friends. As an only child, growing up, my friends were especially important.
I did, however, have more anxiety than other kids - at least that is my recollection - and I think that is still true. I worry a lot even though I am an upbeat person and positive thinker (Pollyanna was one of my favorite books as a child). And I do think that my anxieties affect my stomach, at least in my early years and then when I got LC two years ago.
My heart goes out to you who have suffered from abuse. Just remember what Dr. Phil says (even if you don't like Dr. Phil): It wasn't your fault.
Love,
Carole
I did, however, have more anxiety than other kids - at least that is my recollection - and I think that is still true. I worry a lot even though I am an upbeat person and positive thinker (Pollyanna was one of my favorite books as a child). And I do think that my anxieties affect my stomach, at least in my early years and then when I got LC two years ago.
My heart goes out to you who have suffered from abuse. Just remember what Dr. Phil says (even if you don't like Dr. Phil): It wasn't your fault.
Love,
Carole
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TendrTummy
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Sally,
I wouldn't doubt it has changed a lot of ways that you think. One thing I've been researching for my own healing is that there are triggers that will set you off. Maybe they're subtle or maybe they're not but they're there... little remnants of your past deep in your brain that make you suddenly feel anxious, scared, angry, destructive, self-loathing, all that good stuff. For example, due to my ex-husband's nighttime activities, I now have anxiety when going to bed at night, particularly if Trent and I go to bed at the same time, ONLY because of my past, not because of anything that Trent has done. It's just a scar in my brain that I will have to figure out a way to heal.
Carrie,
Good friends are nice to have.. Unfortunately I have a lot of anxieties and hang-ups about that too. I find that I can't be comfortable with friends, or trust them, and it's only because of my past and not because of anything they did. Consequently I push them away and isolate myself. It's all stuff I'm trying to change.. but it takes time and effort..
I know now that none of it was my fault, really, altho I let it happen repeatedly, but it's still hard to grasp that, because I was told repeatedly that it WAS my fault, that I was to blame, etc. I was pretty much told that since 5, and it's hard to think any other way. I take blame onto myself for things that couldn't POSSIBLY be my fault LOL. Just the way I am now. I'm working on that too..
Do you ever wonder where your anxiety comes from? Were your parents very anxious (or one of them), and maybe you learned from watching them? Just curious..
Christine
I wouldn't doubt it has changed a lot of ways that you think. One thing I've been researching for my own healing is that there are triggers that will set you off. Maybe they're subtle or maybe they're not but they're there... little remnants of your past deep in your brain that make you suddenly feel anxious, scared, angry, destructive, self-loathing, all that good stuff. For example, due to my ex-husband's nighttime activities, I now have anxiety when going to bed at night, particularly if Trent and I go to bed at the same time, ONLY because of my past, not because of anything that Trent has done. It's just a scar in my brain that I will have to figure out a way to heal.
Carrie,
Good friends are nice to have.. Unfortunately I have a lot of anxieties and hang-ups about that too. I find that I can't be comfortable with friends, or trust them, and it's only because of my past and not because of anything they did. Consequently I push them away and isolate myself. It's all stuff I'm trying to change.. but it takes time and effort..
I know now that none of it was my fault, really, altho I let it happen repeatedly, but it's still hard to grasp that, because I was told repeatedly that it WAS my fault, that I was to blame, etc. I was pretty much told that since 5, and it's hard to think any other way. I take blame onto myself for things that couldn't POSSIBLY be my fault LOL. Just the way I am now. I'm working on that too..
Do you ever wonder where your anxiety comes from? Were your parents very anxious (or one of them), and maybe you learned from watching them? Just curious..
Christine
This all fits in really well with that book I recommended "Transforming Anxiety Transcending Shame". Just read the first couple of chapters, if you don't find anything there then it might not be for you, but I read the first couple of chapters and I was amazed at how accurately it fit me.
One interesting thing that I'll point out that I learned from the book was that I didn't know the difference between communicating anger vs rage. I learned that anger and rage were the same so I never expressed anger, and thus always hold it in. This fear came from growing up and seeing an abusive relationship between two family memembers and seeing the pain that expressing anger (what was actually rage) caused. As a child/adolecent/teen I learned that I should hold it in so that I don't hurt others. Well, my body is telling me that is not the way to do things and I'm paying the price. I need to learn healthier ways of doing things.
One interesting thing that I'll point out that I learned from the book was that I didn't know the difference between communicating anger vs rage. I learned that anger and rage were the same so I never expressed anger, and thus always hold it in. This fear came from growing up and seeing an abusive relationship between two family memembers and seeing the pain that expressing anger (what was actually rage) caused. As a child/adolecent/teen I learned that I should hold it in so that I don't hurt others. Well, my body is telling me that is not the way to do things and I'm paying the price. I need to learn healthier ways of doing things.
Thanks, Mike, for the book recommendation. I think I can use some help in dealing with anxiety - in fact, I know I can!
Christine, I think some of my inclination toward anxiety may stem from a terrible intestinal illness I had as a toddler. At the time, they told my mother it was Celiac and I was hospitalized in NYC for almost 6 months. My mother said they kept me from walking as they were afraid lack of calcium would bow my legs. Perhaps in my childhood brain that caused a fear of following my instincts or a subconscious fear of abandonment. Who knows - it's just a theory. Neither of my parents were particularly anxious - in fact, both were community leaders and had a great life - that is until it all fell apart (big time anxiety then - guess that caused me some worries, too).
Love,
Carole
Christine, I think some of my inclination toward anxiety may stem from a terrible intestinal illness I had as a toddler. At the time, they told my mother it was Celiac and I was hospitalized in NYC for almost 6 months. My mother said they kept me from walking as they were afraid lack of calcium would bow my legs. Perhaps in my childhood brain that caused a fear of following my instincts or a subconscious fear of abandonment. Who knows - it's just a theory. Neither of my parents were particularly anxious - in fact, both were community leaders and had a great life - that is until it all fell apart (big time anxiety then - guess that caused me some worries, too).
Love,
Carole
Carrie, six months in the hospital at the age of 5 qualifies is abuse in my book. There's nobody to blame for it, but at that age, you probably took it in as some kind of punishment for something you had done. Which, of course, we know now is not so. I could be wrong. (Who, me?)
Mike, you bring up a good point that has influenced my life. After all, girls are not supposed to get angry, pissed off, or feel rage let alone express it. I have had a terrible time realizing that other people can be pissed off at me (I still can't call it angry) and still love me. That was after a childhood spent being told I was no good and being the daughter (only child) that did not live up to my parents expectations. They were always angry (there I did it) with me. So I go straight from being annoyed to being in a rage. Nobody taught me how to handle it appropriately I used to anyway. I have got a pretty good handle on it now. Keep trying. It's a habit and you can break it. The remnants will always be in your brain, but the tape that you make now will drown it out.
Christine, I know how you feel. And thank God for Trent.
Lots of love,
Sally
Mike, you bring up a good point that has influenced my life. After all, girls are not supposed to get angry, pissed off, or feel rage let alone express it. I have had a terrible time realizing that other people can be pissed off at me (I still can't call it angry) and still love me. That was after a childhood spent being told I was no good and being the daughter (only child) that did not live up to my parents expectations. They were always angry (there I did it) with me. So I go straight from being annoyed to being in a rage. Nobody taught me how to handle it appropriately I used to anyway. I have got a pretty good handle on it now. Keep trying. It's a habit and you can break it. The remnants will always be in your brain, but the tape that you make now will drown it out.
Christine, I know how you feel. And thank God for Trent.
Lots of love,
Sally
Mitakuye oyasin
(Lakota for "We are all related")
(Lakota for "We are all related")
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TendrTummy
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Sally, wow, sounds like we have a bit in common.
Mike, great suggestion.. Unfortunately I just spent like $30 on 3 different abuse books to try to figure out my triggers and avoid them.. But.. if I don't find any help there, I might try your book.
Carrie, that would definitely leave some emotional scars. Not the way a childhood should be spent, even tho it was nobody's fault. Tell me this: do you have "white coat syndrome" now? Just curious..
Christine
Mike, great suggestion.. Unfortunately I just spent like $30 on 3 different abuse books to try to figure out my triggers and avoid them.. But.. if I don't find any help there, I might try your book.
Carrie, that would definitely leave some emotional scars. Not the way a childhood should be spent, even tho it was nobody's fault. Tell me this: do you have "white coat syndrome" now? Just curious..
Christine
Got my copy at the library, it was free. ;) Actually I like the book so much now I'm going to have to buy a copy so I can keep it and write in it.TendrTummy wrote:Mike, great suggestion.. Unfortunately I just spent like $30 on 3 different abuse books to try to figure out my triggers and avoid them.. But.. if I don't find any help there, I might try your book.
Christine
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TendrTummy
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mle_ii wrote:
LOL yeah, I never get to libraries. I really need to start. Would be a better way for my kids to get LOTS of books under their belts too. One more thing to add to my "to do" list. If I get there I'll definitely check that book out. I have a LOT to look into right now :) Thanks!!!!!
Christine
Got my copy at the library, it was free. ;) Actually I like the book so much now I'm going to have to buy a copy so I can keep it and write in it.
LOL yeah, I never get to libraries. I really need to start. Would be a better way for my kids to get LOTS of books under their belts too. One more thing to add to my "to do" list. If I get there I'll definitely check that book out. I have a LOT to look into right now :) Thanks!!!!!
Christine
Fascinating thread, TT.
I was never abused, unless I have totally repressed it - which is, of course, very common. I am fortunate to have had parents who went overboard to build their kids' self esteems. I don't recall my brothers or me ever being hit or anything nasty being said to us. And my parents have never tried to interfere with our adult lives - not once. We knew they were there if we needed them but they never once butted in. It was long after adulthood that I realized how lucky I've been with regard to the way my parents treated us.
Despite this piece of luck, my stomach has always been my target organ. As long as I can remember. I have always reacted to stress with diarrhea. My childhood was not idyllic - despite excellent parenting, we had alcoholism, mental health problems, my parents divorce, etc., to contend with. I remember that I always reacted to these stressors with my stomach.
Love,
Polly
I was never abused, unless I have totally repressed it - which is, of course, very common. I am fortunate to have had parents who went overboard to build their kids' self esteems. I don't recall my brothers or me ever being hit or anything nasty being said to us. And my parents have never tried to interfere with our adult lives - not once. We knew they were there if we needed them but they never once butted in. It was long after adulthood that I realized how lucky I've been with regard to the way my parents treated us.
Despite this piece of luck, my stomach has always been my target organ. As long as I can remember. I have always reacted to stress with diarrhea. My childhood was not idyllic - despite excellent parenting, we had alcoholism, mental health problems, my parents divorce, etc., to contend with. I remember that I always reacted to these stressors with my stomach.
Love,
Polly
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MaggieRedwings
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I was very abused, both physically and mentally - the mental the worse - by my ex IDIOT husband. For 20 years I endured but met Frank you gave me the courage to finally end it. Will never put myself again in an abusive situation - ergo the job change.
Love, Maggie
Love, Maggie
Maggie Scarpone
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!