I Struggling

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kate_ce1995
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I Struggling

Post by kate_ce1995 »

UGH! I am really struggling today. I know part of it is that I was a glutten this weekend, and ate gluten. :banghead: Why do I do this to myself. I really do know better!

Then add on top of it that I left work at 12:30 on Friday, and then we left with kids and Geoff's parents in tow for Poughkeepsie (Carole, I drove through part of Newburgh I believe!) to see Geoff's brother and didn't get home until about 8:30 last night. Now here I am at work again.

Add on top of that, a late night because despite going to bed at 9:30 or so, the girls had a meltdown and wanted to sleep in our room. Started out with the oldest saying she missed her dad and wanted to spend more time with him. Convinced them to sleep in their own room. Lights out, almost asleep, pitter patter of little feet. Now youngest is upset and wants to come in. We put our feet down and send them back to bed (across the hall). Now youngest is crying, so we call her in to talk to her. She misses her mom (much more plausible because we were away all weekend...they'll be with her tonight). Of course big sis follows thinking its an invitation to sleep on the floor in our room. Geoff takes them back to bed and sits with them until they "fall asleep". Well, not long later, oldest is back and wants to sleep in our room. At this point (I think around 11) Geoff gives in because he has to get up at 5 for work. Well, this leaves the youngest in bed asleep, so sometime in the night she wakes up and comes and crawls into bed with us. Needless to say, I didn't get the best night sleep because I had no room to move.

Something doesn't add up. Either something is amiss with them at their mom's, or Geoff has been too much of a softy and they are playing him for what they want. It does nothing but get me tired and cranky and then I take it out on both them and him.

Then add on top of it, I'm at work, and we are such a disfunctional office its not even funny. I'm getting a charge on one job for a month and a half use of a piece of equipment we rented because our equipment manager says he checked with our co-op about whether to send it back or not. I'm the PM. What is he? Afraid of me? Tells me it can't be billed to our equipment overhead # and has to hit the job. Yeah, way to go. make my job look bad because you're an idiot and didn't send the damn thing back when we were done with it. And this way he doesn't have to own up to my boss.

I so want to go home. But then I've got too much work to do to do that.
Katy

PS: Any parental advice/thoughts anyone? My inclination is to be a hardass and send them back to bed. Thats the way my parents did it. But I understand Geoff's fatherly instinct that something isn't quite right. But sometimes I think he gives in just so he can get some sleep/rest whatever. I'm so out of my league its not even funny.
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Post by Sally »

First of all, DON'T EAT GLUTEN!!

Then you and Geoff need to sit down when the girls are not around and decide what you are going to do if this happens again. Together. And stick with it. If those lovely little girls get it into their devious little minds that they can play one of you against the other, you are sunk. Never mind what goes on at Mom's house. When they are at Dad's house things are going to be such and such a way. Kids NEED that. They need to learn what their limits and boundaries are. Try to convince Geoff of this fact. Being a hard ass is one of the greatest favors you can do them.

Meanwhile, God help you!! :grin: :grin: :grin:

I'm so sorry about work. I remember when you were at your last job and you could hardly wait to get out of there. What in the world happened? Maybe you should be a hard ass there, too?

Lots of love and :bigbighug:

Sally
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Post by CAMary »

Katy-

Sally is right on the money - but you need to talk to Geoff and agree BOTH of you wil be hard-asses (no good guy/bad guy scenarios) - kids generally crave boundaries and it sounds like they are testing you guys...not sure what is going on at mom's house but you need to say "the rules at THIS house are everyone sleeps in their own bed - no exceptions" they are old enough to understand that you *all* need your sleep....

Our neighbor girl (same age as Elyse- 3 1/2) is a master manipulator/diva-in-training! She knows how to push everyone's buttons! Her parents are a lot of talk, but I see very little follow-through - we have laid down the law when she comes over, and if she makes mean-spirited comments - we send her home because "in our house we don't say things that hurt people's feelings". Mike is especially good at calling her out (he's often out working in the yard and hears their conversations...). We used to end up sending her home every time - it has gotten better - and she still comes over every day asking to play - so she is obviously fine with our rules and boundaries....get Geoff on board, and you will see improvement rather quickly, I promise!

Can't help with the dysfunctional work environment - I'm sure glad I work for myself now - offfice politics used to make me crazy...

Oh yeah - lay off the gluten and you'll feel so much better!!

Mary
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Post by Polly »

Awwwww, Katy.

I hate hearing about how yucky you feel. It's not fair. Here are some hugs for you :hug: :grouphug: :bigbighug:

I agree with Sally and Mary. With one additional thought - weren't there some problems at the girls' mom's house once before that you and the Grapenut (HA! I wanted to see if you were paying attention, LOL) were concerned about? Maybe that needs to be explored again.

Love,

Polly
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kate_ce1995
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Post by kate_ce1995 »

Thanks guys. Geoff is really good at daytime boundaries. Its this bedtime thing that is hardest. But you're all right. Of course when we say "in your own beds" we are quickly reminded by the oldest that daddy dearest broke her bed and she can't sleep there right now! Slat rail screws pulled out when he sat down on it to read with her. We have the parts to fix it and need to do so this week. Last week was too hot and humid to do much of anything.

He is concerned about the situation at moms too. But then it could be because they have just moved to their own apartment after living with stepdad's grandmother since January. And now both mom and step dad are working (shock of shocks really) so they definately aren't around as much as they used to be. Just when these poor guys get into a routine, something happens to throw it on its head! I can't wait until school starts. Its much easier to keep our family routine going during the school year.

Katy

PS: Work is still MUCH better than the old job. But we are going through some growing pains (actually our boss is going through the growing pains and we are at his mercy). He realizes it and is going to do "stress reduction" sessions with us with his shrink. Yeah its a little weird, but if it helps the office....
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tex
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Post by tex »

Katy,

If you get some time later, you should be able to turn all that into a script for a good sitcom. LOL.

Tex
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Post by Mars »

Katy,

I agree with what everyone has said. I would set them down and reiterate the rules with them and include the bedtime rules. Maybe there is an underlying issue that needs talked about - and NOT at bedtime!

Good luck, raising children is trial and error for us adults too. Hang in there - someday they will be grown and........

STILL NEED YOU! hahahahhahaha - didn't expect that one did you? :ROFL:

Love,
Mars
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barbaranoela
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Post by barbaranoela »

Katy----*ditto* as to what everyone said---gotta set the boundaries--

take care--

luve Barbara
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Post by Jean »

I was going to make the same point as Mars. Talk about the bedtime rules with the girls during the day. And don't worry, it's pretty normal for kids at their ages.

Love, Jean
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Post by Lucy »

Mary,

You really should send the neighbor girl's parents a bill! Do you think your boundary-setting with her is paying off in dividends elsewhere, like her own home, for instance?

Katy,

About the diet, just get back on the horse, and don't engage in any self-flagulation whenever you fall off again.

I hope that you'll have some good nights' sleep from here on out, and that the stress management helps the office environment alot.

Great advise, and it will be lots easier to take the flack you'll get from the kids, if there even is any, during the day, rather than when you need to get some sleep, so like the wise sages here say, have that discussion during the DAYTIME!

Let us know how it goes, please.
Yours, Luce
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