The Poopies Files

[Sally]

THE GHOST POOPIE--The kind where you feel poop come out, see poop on the toilet paper, but there's no poop in the bowl.

THE CLEAN POOPIE--The kind where you feel poop come out, see poop in the bowl, but there's no poop on the toilet paper.

THE WET POOPIE--You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE POOPIE--This poop happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poop some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPIE--Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poop". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN POOPIE--No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG POOPIE--The kind of poop that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD POOP" POOPIE---The kind where you want to poop, but even after straining your guts out, all you’ve done is sat on the toilet, cramped and farted.

THE WET CHEEKS POOPIE--Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

THE LIQUID POOPIE--That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

THE MEXICAN FOOD POOPIE--A class all its own.

THE CROWD PLEASER POOPIE--This poop is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

THE MOOD ENHANCER POOPIE--This poop occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

THE RITUAL POOPIE--This poop occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS POOPIE--A poop so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

THE AFTERSHOCK POOPIE--This poop has an odor so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOPIE--This is any poop created in the presence of another person.

THE GROANER POOPIE--A poop so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

THE FLOATER POOPIE--Characterized by its floatability, this poop has been known to resurface after many flushings.

THE KLINGON POOPIE--A poop which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

THE PHANTOM POOPIE--This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

THE PEEK-A-BOO POOPIE--Now you see it, now you don't. This poop is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

THE BOMBSHELL POOPIE--A poop that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poop (i.e.. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near pooping facilities.

THE SNAKE CHARMER POOPIE--A long skinny poop which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

THE OLYMPIC POOPIE--This poop occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered.

THE BACK-TO-NATURE POOPIE--This poop may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

THE PEBBLES POOPIE--An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster

PREMEDITATED POOPIE--Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

ENERGIZER vs. DURACEL POOPIE--Also known as a "Still Going" poop.

THE POWER DUMP POOPIE--The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

THE LIQUID PLUMBER POOPIE--This kind of poop is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poop.)

THE SPINAL TAP POOPIE--The kind of poop that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY BUTTHOLE" POOPIE--Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poops. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

THE PORRIDGE POOPIE--The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPIE--When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPIE--When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT DIED IN HERE?" POOPIE--Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" POOPIE--Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.

THE "OOPS, I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A FART" POOPIE—Self-explanatory

[starfire]

I'm REALLY glad you kept this one Sally. Thanks for posting it here.
I love it.

Shirley

[MaggieRedwings]

Amazing to read that again and know that most of us have probably 50% of those on our lists and some of us really lucky ones rank with 75% plus.

Love, Maggie

[harvest_table]

I haven't visited the x-rated joke room till now and see this poopie post. Funny, I just posted a similar one in the PG Joke forum! I didn't think it was too X-rated! hahahaha

[barbaranoela]

I came---I saw---I read and I POOPED



Barbara

[Joy Adcock]

I Laughed SO HARD, I cried. I wish I could THANK Sally. I hope she knew what a blessing she was and still is. I know what a BIG HELP this site is to me. Sally, THANK YOU!

[persevere]

Thanks, I needed that laugh. LC may take away my dignity, but not the sense of humor .