I am so sad...

[mle_ii]

I'm supposed to be in the car with my beautiful wife and wonderful two kids, but my GI decided otherwise. We were heading off to Orcas Island in the San Juans.

I noticed it starting up yesterday, but figured it would pass. But this morning I woke up to my stomach churning and then had to go to the bathroom. It was diarrhea. Since then I've gone like every 5 minutes, but only a tiny bit at a time. I took some imodium about an hour ago hoping that it would help or stop it enough to go.

At this point I really don't know what it is. I'm not really stressed about the travel per se, only about being sick. So perhaps it could be stress. I have been working with my counselor on stress/anxiety reduction. But it doesn't feel like the normal anxiety/stress feeling I get.

One thing I shouldn't have done was eaten some Kiwi fruits that weren't quite ripe. I'm thinking this might also be a cause or the cause as I noticed the seeds in my stool. Perhaps since they weren't ripe yet they did me in. I've had kiwis for the last week or so figuring they were ok, but the last 4 I had weren't quite ripe. 2 yesterday and 2 the day before. Perhaps the acidity? There isn't much fiber in them only a few grams each so I don't think that's it. I have also been eating some gluten free cookies that my wife made, but I have been eating them for a while with no noticible changes. And I did add a Multi (GF) and Cal/Mag/Zinc (GF) to make sure I'm getting enough vitamins in my diet.

I am so sad and frustrated. I feel so helpless and so useless to my family. I really feel like I let them and myself down. I don't want this disease anymore someone please take it away. I usually don't cry, but I've spent quite a bit of time crying this morning.

I'm hoping that I can get well enough to go later, so very much want to go but wouldn't do well having to stop at a bathroom every 5 minutes on the way (It's an hour and a half or so drive, plus waiting at the ferry, plus riding on the ferry).

Mike

[TendrTummy]

Awe, Mike, I'm sorry to hear this..

It may have been the Kiwi - even if you just introduced it a week ago.. maybe it took a bit longer to react? dunno..

Point is you are NOT useless to your family. I'm sure they're equally saddened by this and frustrated at your illness, but you didn't let them down.

I have kids (ages 5 and 6) and every evening on the way home from work, they're talking about "when we get home, can we go outside?" and "when we get home, will you help me with this magic trick?" stuff like that.. and most times, I have to tell them "Mom doesn't feel good at all... " and make other excuses to go rest in bed instead. I barely even feel good enuf most the time to get up and make dinner. It sucks. I feel like I'm failing them every day of my life. I constantly hear about how all the other kids get to play outside, and all the other kids do this and that.

Same is true for the money situation. We both work pretty low paying jobs (in my opinion) and live very paycheck to paycheck. Lately we've had need for new tires and rims for one car, and the other car was in an accident, thus a $500 deductible. The kids need haircuts and clothes for summer and one needs new shoes and I'm constantly having to tell them we can't afford things.. Field trips at school, even to the park, they charge $10!!! Can you imagine?? $10 a kid to take them to a PARK???? Then you have to buy a t-shirt for them to go along, so they can easily pick them out in a crowd. We just don't have that kinda money. I wonder if MY parents ever had these problems.. Kids these days are so spoiled and demanding. When I was a kid we played with tin cans on strings, but all the OTHER kids in school have a frigging GAMEBOY..

Anyway, point is, half the fun of being a parent is GUILT. Guilt for feeling like you're failing them in many ways, guilt for things you do without them, guilt for the things you have to MAKE them do to carve better human beings out of them.. That's life. It just doesn't FEEL fair, does it?

Anyway, this may not make you feel any better, but I hope you know I can relate.. right here suffering with you, every day, it seems.

Christine

[Mars]

Oh Mike, I'm sad right along with you. I know how it feels to live minute by minute and not be able to make plans because you don't know how you will be feeling any particular moment. It can be rough.

I'm sorry that I can't do anything to help but be here to listen to your sadness. Let it out here - it will help to take it off of your shoulders and relieve some of the stress.

I am sending lots of hugs and warm wishes your way - I hope your gut settles down soon so you are able to enjoy your trip.

Don't yourself up over this - we still love you and I'm sure your family does too! Sometimes this disease can really SUCK!

Mars

[jenilake]

Mike,

I forget, do you take a probiotic? I see a NP doc who looks at my blood through a darkfield microscope. He can tell what nutrients I need and if there are problems with my organs....heart, adrenal system etc. He can tell if you have trouble digesting certain foods.

He has me on a pro-biotic, digestive enzyme, iron, and multi-vitamin.

Maybe something like this would help you?

I hate to see you so sad and sick. I really hope you get better, so you can go with your family!!

Love, KathyP

[Sally]

Hi, Mike,

Well, this damned disease moves all of us to tears at one time or another. It is so utterly frustrating and tricky and humiliating. But, please, do not think you are useless to your family. You are not your disease. It is something that you have, but it is not you. They are your family because of who you are, the person you are, not MC.

I hope that you will be over this flare-up in short order and able to do the things you do.

Lots of love and ,

Sally

[mle_ii]

Thanks for all of the support Christine, Mars, Kathy and Sally.

I know I'm not worthless most of the time, but at times like this I feel this way. At least my wife was able to go on her own with the kids. I hope I can join them today or tomorrow. I feel like I let them down because at this point I don't know if it's all mental now or not. My wife thinks it is since I've gotten all of the gluten (I think) out of my diet. Honestly I just don't know anymore. How do I know it's me and not my MC that's causing this?

FWIW I don't diarrhea very often anymore, but I have it now. The last time I had it the whole family had it so it probably was the flu or something we ate, the time before that it definitly was the flu. Normally my reactions are an achy tummy or pencil thin/unformed BM. But now it's D and it burns. Acidic?

Kathy, no not taking a probiotic, I seem to remember a bad reaction, though I suppose it could have been something else. ??? I've been thinking about adding yogurt back to my diet and try that for a while. Not on a daily basis, but perhaps every few days or so.

Thanks for the hugs and warm wishes,
Mike

[Umber]

Darn it! I'm so sorry your missing the family trip. Its just not fair!!

I remember not being able to go visit my Mom in Tucson. I wasn't so much worried about the plane flight but the shuttle from Phoenix to Tucson. Needless to say, I didn't go.

I really hope you can join your lovely family and have some great fun.

Big hugs!

Lori

[Polly]

Hi Mike!

What a major disappointment. A bummer. I don't blame you for being upset. I'd be crying, too, if I were you.

My opinion is that you have eaten something that has aggravated your GI tract. Who knows what? Sometimes we never find out what it was. IMHO, in the early stages of recovery it is best not to take any kind of pills/supplements/whatever. If we are sensitive to one thing, we are often sensitive to others. And who knows what inert substances you may be reacting to - like a coloring, falvoring, etc.? I react to carageenan, of all things! It is derived from seaweed and is added as an emulsifier to milks, etc.

I recall that you didn't tolerate probiotics before. I remember this because I react to them too. The last time I took one, it felt like an all-out war was going on in my gut.

I honestly doubt that this is all in your head. Although stress makes MC worse, it is not thought to actually cause MC. Plus, you seem like a person who is learning how to deal appropriately with stress. You are going to a counsellor and you aren't not afraid to cry when you feel like it. These are excellent coping skills.

No, I'd put my money on a food trigger. How about hidden sources of gluten? Some here are so sensitive that they get sick from a tiny bread crumb or from a spoon that was used to stir regular pasta then being used to stir GF pasta. Or using a pan that was previously used for something containing gluten. If I do not wash out the pan well after my son makes his ramen noodles, I can get sick.

Anyway, here 's a big hug . Since I don't have a magic wand to take your MC away, this'll have to do for now. I hope you'll be able to join your family. Meanwhile, you can hang out here with us......we sure do understand.

Love,

Polly

[tex]

Hi Mike,

Bummer! Sorry to hear about your situation today. I'm betting on the kiwi fruit, especially if it was a little "green". Here's why:

- - - - - - - - - -

Certainly seasonal fruits like fresh apricots, apples or kiwi fruit are likely to be diarrhea causes for some people. However there are other culprits - not nearly as easily recognised - which should be considered as possibilities.

Did you know that chronic diarrhea is a telltale sign of food intolerance? There are only four kinds of Food Intolerance (not to be confused with Food Allergy) and they are widely suffered:

Dairy (lactose) intolerance
75% 3 in 4 people

Fructose intolerance
35% 1 in 3 people

Yeast sensitivity
33% 1 in 3 people

Gluten intolerance (includes wheat)
15% 1 in 7 people

Food allergy
1% 1 in 100 people


- - - - - - - - - -

Polly--look at the percentages given for the various intolerances. Do you believe this? I assume that this is on a world-wide basis, considering the figure listed for lactose intolerance, but look at the figures listed for gluten intolerance, and yeast--where did they get these numbers?

This comes from:

http://www.foodintol.com/food_intoleran ... causes.htm


Anybody have any experience with this site? It's obviously a food intolerance site of some sort, but I've never run across it before.


Tex

P S If it is the Kiwi, you may be ok in a few hours, (with a little luck).

[moremuscle]

Oh, Mike - I am so sorry to hear about the trip you've missed and how down you feel today.

I promise you it isn't in your head - it is a real disease.
It isn't your fault and you are not letting anyone down - you are just sick.

I would stop taking the supplement that is new to you - could be causing the reaction. Or something else minor that you haven't thought of yet containing a little gluten or another trigger of yours - cross contamination perhaps, like Polly suggested.

I've cried many many mornings in the recent past about my continuous diarrhea and inability to be a productive useful human.

I used to have afternoons just like Christine's - feet up and flat on my back on the bed all afternoon and into the night unable to make myself go play with the kids, clean up their rooms, arrange play dates, take them out to the park etc. etc.

Mike and Christine - don't give up; you are both well on your way to becoming completely different healthy parents; full of energy and desire to do stuff with your kids.

Love,
Karen

[mle_ii]

Hi Mike,

Bummer! Sorry to hear about your situation today. I'm betting on the kiwi fruit, especially if it was a little "green". Here's why:

- - - - - - - - - -

Certainly seasonal fruits like fresh apricots, apples or kiwi fruit are likely to be diarrhea causes for some people. However there are other culprits - not nearly as easily recognised - which should be considered as possibilities.

...

This comes from:

http://www.foodintol.com/food_intoleran ... causes.htm


Anybody have any experience with this site? It's obviously a food intolerance site of some sort, but I've never run across it before.


Tex

P S If it is the Kiwi, you may be ok in a few hours, (with a little luck).

Thanks Wayne, I ran across that site just a little while ago. There is some useful info there, but seems that the majority of it is to get people to buy into her reduction diet plan.

I'm hoping it was the kiwi, I'm still not feeling back to normal yet, but a better. Don't know if it's the imodium kicking in or what. What's funny is that I had second thoughts about the fruit a couple of days ago. Should have listened to myself. :(

Thanks,
Mike

[Tessa]

Hi, Mike... I am so sorry about it...

I just wanted to tell you that "Kiwis" here are known to help people with constipation to go to the and that it is even more effective when eating at night... Therefore, I perfectly understand your body´s reaction...

Take care,
Love
Tessa.

[starfire]

Mike,
I'm crossing fingers, toes and everything else that you will feel well enough to join your family. I know you and they are so disappointed.

If you do leave to join them I hope you have time to let us know, but if not - just get going.

Shirley

[mle_ii]

I'm feeling better now as time passes. But now I don't know what to eat. My wife packed a bunch of the stuff that I eat and thus I don't have it. :( I do have my sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes to eat. Gotta figure out a protein.

I probably won't leave until tonight now around 7pm or so since traffic has already started to get bad here in the Seattle area. It's only 1:50 pm and traffic is starting to ramp up. Ack! By 7 traffic should be better, or else I might just leave early tomorrow morning.

[Sue777]

Hi, Mike..... you and I don't know each other very well yet, but I certainly know what you're feeling. Last summer hubby and I decided it was time to live a little (both kids were in college) and we went out and bought ourselves a Harley! Well, you guessed it.... as soon as we took delivery on it, my problems began, and I was homebound, not even making it to the bathroom some trips. There was no way I was going out on a Harley, let alone going out at ALL. My husband was chomping at the bit dying to get out there and ride but didn't want to go without me, so that actually made it WORSE because I then had to deal with the guilt of ruining his fun, too. I finally got diagnosed in October/November and started getting relief from meds in November..... just when it's too cold to ride! So our new bike sat there, unused. Not only did I feel I was losing control over my own life, but ruining the life of those I loved, too.

And for another "I can relate" story, complete with tears..... I am a big Tom Jones fan. Probably one of the biggest. I've seen him over 30 times. My husband and I had tickets to see him again last September..... I went, but I was wearing a diaper! As we were in our seats waiting for the show to start (of course everyone around us was munching on snacks and drinking drinks, but I didn't dare!) I just broke down and started to sob. There I am in a crowded theater, lights still on because the show hadn't started yet, and I'm blubbering like a hysterical fool. I think it was all the days/weeks of being scared, frustrated, and sick that finally broke loose, and I couldn't stop. Sitting at a concert that I so look forward to, in a DIAPER, at 48 years of age. I was so depressed, thinking "this is my life from now on".

But guess what - it wasn't. I now eat and drink anything and everything I want and have a better-than-before digestive system. I go to concerts and I ride on the back of the Harley. I go to all-day horse shows (my daughter rides) and don't worry about the availability of the nearest bathroom. I take bags of fruit with me to munch on all day, and enjoy salad all the time.

Yes, it's bad now for you. It SUCKS. It's not fair. But you know what? It could be worse. Luckily this disease is not usually life-threatening, even though some days we wish it were. And whenever I start REALLY getting depressed and thinking "why me?" I remind myself that it could be worse -I could be watching one of my kids suffer with this instead of me.

It will get better - I promise.
Sue