A man walks into a bar, sits down on a stool, and orders a drink. As soon as he takes his first swallow, he starts to unload his troubles on the bartender, and tells him that he's having trouble at work, his wife's constantly on his case, and he's just been diagnosed with microscopic colitis. "What's that?", asks the bartender. "It's when you have uncontrollable diarrhea all the time", was the response.
The bartender thought for a minute, and asked, "Do you have diarrhea right now?" The man replied, "It could happen any second". The bartender immediately came around the bar, grabbed the man by his collar and his belt, hauled him to the door, and threw him out on the sidewalk.
"Are you out of your mind? What was that all about?", asked the dazed customer. "I thought I'd heard everything, but you ain't foolin' me for one second with that ridiculous story", said the bartender. If you've got uncontrollable diarrhea, you've already had waaaaaaaay too much to drink.
Another Day, Another Joke
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Another Day, Another Joke
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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MaggieRedwings
- King Penguin
- Posts: 3865
- Joined: Tue May 31, 2005 3:16 am
- Location: SE Pennsylvania
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barbaranoela
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 5394
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:11 pm
- Location: New York
grannie joke--too funny
> Mississippi Grandma
>
> Mississippi grandma is asked to take the stand. Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
>
> In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
>
> He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
>
> She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
>
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
>
> She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
>
> The defense attorney almost died.
>
> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said. . . .'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send both of you to the electric chair.'
>
>
> Mississippi grandma is asked to take the stand. Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
>
> In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
>
> He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
>
> She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
>
> The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
>
> She again replied, 'Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
>
> The defense attorney almost died.
>
> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said. . . .'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send both of you to the electric chair.'
>
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control
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annie oakley
- King Penguin
- Posts: 3859
- Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 5:56 pm
