Hello Everyone,
Wow, what a blah day for me. Yesterday I was so fatigued and this morning I told myself I did not care if I was tired or not I had to get some things done-- first priority was getting the appeal form off to my college. I am just really freaked out, scared and worried about what this is going to do to my education. I had to withdrawal in January due to being so ill. I missed classes, professors said no makeup exams allowed, I was too ill to go to school and had no clue when I would be well enough to go back. The situation is I receive financial aid and student loans to attend college as there would be no way I could do it without this aid on our financial status.
Right now my student account says I owe a large amount because I withdrew then a grant/loan needs to be repaid. So I spent 3 hours this morning going through all of my medical records, documenting, copying, writing everything down to send off an appeal form for 100% refund. In the past 2.5 months I seen a Doctor over 10 times, so I had to go through everything, statements all of that good stuff. Finally get that done and it is a large stack so husband is going to copy it at work so I have a copy of what I sent off to my school and then I am going to mail it to them tomorrow--- in which it states they will reply with a written response in 4-6 weeks after they receive it.
Then I had to complete an exit counseling exam for my student loans, which is mandatory within 45 days of withdrawing. So I am going through that and it really freaked me out because I saw a HUGE $$$ number on my student loans and it is counseling me on when I will need to start making payments and all of this stuff. I am reading all of this and answering quiz type questions (required) and I read the line ""This is business and the real world to repay your student loans" and I just about broke down crying because I wish I was still in school! So I get done with that and immediately contact via phone my student loan place and was trying to explain what is going on and what can I do about this because I wish to enroll back in school in fall 2008. The lady told me I have a 6 month grace period to start repaying on my loans, so my first payment is due July 28th/ beginning of August, but if I am enrolled part time or full time in Fall of 2008 (August) that will stop the repayment process and I will be able to continue on like normal.
So then I call the Bursars office at my college and was talking with the lady there and was explaining everything I am going through. When I withdrew it was in the 25% refund process and they have yet to refund the 25% because of something with their computers not recognizing things on their end. So she immediately sent an email over to Registers to get the 25% refund credited to the account. I was explaining everything and told her I have the 100% refund appeal form all ready to go and it will be in the mail tomorrow and this is due to medical issues. She then said depending upon if they grant it and how much they grant, the number I owe can dramatically reduce, but again, I have to wait 4-6 weeks for a response from them-- even then I might still need to repay a portion of things.
The problem is (and I explained this to her) is if it is a large number I need to repay there is no way my husband and I are going to be able to do this on our income, plus all of the extra medical bills we have been paying out lately. If the balance is not zero by August, I cannot attend Fall 2008 semester--- which then domino's to my student loan repayment will kick in, so not only would I have to pay my college back, but would have to start repaying my student loans now--- and I don't even have my degree yet! She said she can see that I have a 4.0 GPA and that has never dropped since attending (in my 2nd year now) and this is going to help as it is not customary with someone who has a perfect record with a 4.0 to just withdraw from school.
So then I asked her how is this going to affect my application for fall 2008 financial aid! She said at this time they are not yet processing that financial aid (but I have already filled out the Federal/school Fall 08 financial aid forms several weeks ago) and she could not totally answer me. She said they could come back and say they will not do any financial aid because I did a total withdraw this semester, but there is an appeal form (which again takes 4-6 weeks for an answer), or they may do the financial aid but will require me to fill out a contract with my school, but said since this is due to medical reasons I may be able to appeal the contract.
So as it stands now I am going to send out the 100% refund appeal form tomorrow and pray with all of my might that they give it to me and the huge amount will come down significantly so I can attend Fall 2008 semester-- which will stop the process of my student loans needing to start payment and get me back in school to finish my degree.
I am just so stressed today dealing with all of this. I feel like I am stuck in-between a rock and a hard place. I really was not able to attend school, I have this question mark as of right now as to exactly what is going on, I hated to even withdraw but I had no choice and then on top of it feel like I could be severely penalized for it. I basically was in tears earlier, my hands are shaking, I can't eat, my stomach started to cramp earlier and feel like it is burning (like heartburn, but in my ab region). I talked to my husband on the phone and he was telling me to take a deep breathe and try to calm down as he could tell I was so stressed and said "You know this is not healthy and you just feel sicker when you stress". I took a hot bath in hopes that would help just ease the tension in my body and I am right now just trying to relax as best as I can, but honestly it is very difficult. I honestly feel helpless as of right now. I do realize that my health is more important than my education, but the problem is if I can't get back into school we are going to have to pay monthly student loans and such--- which it would kill of financial, we just don't have that. That is why my plan was to get my degree, get a good paying job and then pay on my student loans because I would be able to do it with good employment. I have tried so hard to keep my 4.0. I struggled so much each semester, even being sick and then this past semester it was just too much-- I couldn't do it. The day I went to withdrawal I got my Dean's List certificate in the mail and just cried for days after that. I really with/hope they can figure out what is wrong with me because I feel like this is really causing so much dismay in my life and I am trying to keep my chin up and be strong-- but it's hard.
Ok, sorry for the long whine. Just sitting here crying and needed to get this off of my chest.
Kel
Just need to vent and support,
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Kellyerin222
- Adélie Penguin
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- Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:35 pm
- Location: Granger, Indiana
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Just need to vent and support,
Currently waiting results to see exact problem.
Oh my goodness, Kelly. No wonder you are crying....this IS overwhelming....I feel like crying too. Is there any chance that you could appear in person to the "powers that be" at school so they could see you in person and see your character? Are there others in your life that could "testify" on your behalf to them? I can see why you are so stressed, but that will impact your health...as you know. So glad you took a hot bath and are trying to do some things for your self. I believe that cream rises to the top and your situation will reflect all your hard work. Hopefully your doc when he returns will have a Dx and can attest to the fact that this is a very debilitating disease you are dealing with. I will be praying for you & your situation ( also your hubbie's situation at work.)
love and hugs, Sunny
love and hugs, Sunny
Hi Kel,
Life does get complicated at times, doesn't it. It's surprising just how inextricably linked so many aspects of our lives actually are. As you say, when one domino falls, it seems as though everything around us comes crashing down. Nothing seems to have much leeway for error, these days.
Everyone jokes about the nostalgia of " the good old days, when things were simpler", but the fact of the matter is, as hard as life was at times back then, average stress levels were only a fraction of what they are now, and our health, and our overall enjoyment of life, has suffered accordingly.
We feel your pain, because most of us have been in similar "tight spots" before we were able to get symptoms under control, and our lives back on track. The disease itself is like a bad dream, but the fallout that it can cause in our lives, can only compare with a nightmare - a nightmare that sometimes seems to have no end.
All we can do is to live one day at a time, believe in ourselves, and the future, and modify our plans as needed. Once you get a treatment program fine-tuned, and start feeling better, the future will look a lot brighter, and it will be a lot easier to think clearly. Some day you'll look back on all this with pride, as you recall how you faced the gates of hell, and not only survived, but came out of it a stronger person.
Trust me, there will be much better days ahead.
Tex
P S I wonder if your GI doc would be willing to provide a note that attests to the debilitating effects of this disease, that you could include with your appeal/s.
Life does get complicated at times, doesn't it. It's surprising just how inextricably linked so many aspects of our lives actually are. As you say, when one domino falls, it seems as though everything around us comes crashing down. Nothing seems to have much leeway for error, these days.
Everyone jokes about the nostalgia of " the good old days, when things were simpler", but the fact of the matter is, as hard as life was at times back then, average stress levels were only a fraction of what they are now, and our health, and our overall enjoyment of life, has suffered accordingly.
We feel your pain, because most of us have been in similar "tight spots" before we were able to get symptoms under control, and our lives back on track. The disease itself is like a bad dream, but the fallout that it can cause in our lives, can only compare with a nightmare - a nightmare that sometimes seems to have no end.
All we can do is to live one day at a time, believe in ourselves, and the future, and modify our plans as needed. Once you get a treatment program fine-tuned, and start feeling better, the future will look a lot brighter, and it will be a lot easier to think clearly. Some day you'll look back on all this with pride, as you recall how you faced the gates of hell, and not only survived, but came out of it a stronger person.
Trust me, there will be much better days ahead.
Tex
P S I wonder if your GI doc would be willing to provide a note that attests to the debilitating effects of this disease, that you could include with your appeal/s.
Hi Kelly,
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Listening to your words reminds me of a time in my life.
When I was 23, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, late stage. We were very close and I was devestated! For 16 months, I watched her fight the fight, helped her when she was sick with chemo and held her hand when she died. During those 16 months, I got married to my wonderful husband. That first year of marriage was a wingding. I was a basket case. I had to force myself to find something positive to focus on. It was right in front of me, my husband. I can't imagine having had to go through that time without him. Maybe he didn't always have "poetic words" to soothe the soul or maybe he didn't understand exactly what I was feeling, but he was there.
So for today, I encourage you to look for the positive - your husband is there to support you and to help get you through this. Maybe this will be just enough to get you through today.
Kelly, I'll be praying for you.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Listening to your words reminds me of a time in my life.
When I was 23, my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, late stage. We were very close and I was devestated! For 16 months, I watched her fight the fight, helped her when she was sick with chemo and held her hand when she died. During those 16 months, I got married to my wonderful husband. That first year of marriage was a wingding. I was a basket case. I had to force myself to find something positive to focus on. It was right in front of me, my husband. I can't imagine having had to go through that time without him. Maybe he didn't always have "poetic words" to soothe the soul or maybe he didn't understand exactly what I was feeling, but he was there.
So for today, I encourage you to look for the positive - your husband is there to support you and to help get you through this. Maybe this will be just enough to get you through today.
Kelly, I'll be praying for you.
Becky
Kelly, i am so sorry to hear of all the stress and running around you have been doing with school. That certianly is't helping your health any either. I hope they can get things straightened out for you with all the paperwork you sent in. Sounds like you have a great husband to get support from as well as everyone here.
thinking of you and hoping you hear something positive soon.
thinking of you and hoping you hear something positive soon.
Diagnosed with MC on 1/8/2008 after 7 months of flare. 2nd colonoscopy and new diagnosis of UC on 3/11/2008.
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Kellyerin222
- Adélie Penguin
- Posts: 88
- Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:35 pm
- Location: Granger, Indiana
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Thank you everyone. I think I just really needed to get it all out and off of my chest. I am usually the glue of the family, the one with the solid, strong backbone that can get through anything. The last time I cried was when I withdrew from school and then just stiffen my upper lip and told myself I can get through it and will, but I guess we all just have our moments where you need to cry and release tension. I was so composed when I had to make all those phone calls and get things done, but once the stress and pressure of that was over I just crumbled. I did bawl my eyes out today, did some poetry writing which is one of my favorite things to release stress and process emotions. Certainly feeling better than earlier and it helps my children are here and I am focusing my attention all on them and not myself.
I just felt very depressed and really did sit and tried to think logically about everything. I could feel myself feeling more down lately and then with the crying/stressful thing today I thought it was best to call and make an appointment with a psychiatrist as I think I may be on the edge of depression with everything. I choose a psychiatrist because they are able to prescribe prescription medication; whereas, a psychologist does not have the privileges and in case I need an anti-depressant I would not need to go to someone else. I realize how important mental health is and it makes me feel uncomfortable that I have been feeling so down lately with everything going on. The appointment is not for another month away (long wait) and if I feel this is a short lived thing I will be able to cancel with no problems, but if I continue to see this as something that is lasting I will follow through with the appointment.
Tex: I wondered about the note myself. He actually filled out the FMLA forms for my husband's work because Steven had to take several days off in the past several months. When I was ill in Jan. I was not even able to take care of our children for a few days, and then he had to take a day off in Feb to drive me home from the colonoscopy. He is only allowed a certain number of unexcused absences in a time frame and his boss was becoming upset. The Doctor filled it out that same day and they called me back to tell me the FMLA intermittent leave papers for Steven was ready and waiting. He comes back in town tomorrow and I was hoping within the next several days I would hear something about the pill cam and where we go from here and talk to him about it-- that is an option. Thank you for your kind works and you are right, I think the emotions of everything are overshadowing the fact that this will get better once we get everything worked out.
Sunny: Depending on what they come back and say about the refund I am going to do my darnest to talk to people higher up (the highest I can go) --- even sit down/ face to face so they can see me, eye to eye and know I am really not taking this time off for pleasure. I have several Professors who will also state the type of person I am if I asked them to. Even had my prior English professor ask me at the beginning of this year to do a small blog for her current English students giving them guidance on how to follow and carry out the required work, so keeping my fingers crossed that I will not have to jump through hoops-- but fully willing to if I need to.
Again, thank you. This is one of the very few times everyone will probably see me break down-- even hate to admit it but I feel embarrassed. I think it goes back to me always being the one to keep it together and having that strong back bone, but it was very helpful and very much appreciated that I did have a place to just let it all out.
Kel
I just felt very depressed and really did sit and tried to think logically about everything. I could feel myself feeling more down lately and then with the crying/stressful thing today I thought it was best to call and make an appointment with a psychiatrist as I think I may be on the edge of depression with everything. I choose a psychiatrist because they are able to prescribe prescription medication; whereas, a psychologist does not have the privileges and in case I need an anti-depressant I would not need to go to someone else. I realize how important mental health is and it makes me feel uncomfortable that I have been feeling so down lately with everything going on. The appointment is not for another month away (long wait) and if I feel this is a short lived thing I will be able to cancel with no problems, but if I continue to see this as something that is lasting I will follow through with the appointment.
Tex: I wondered about the note myself. He actually filled out the FMLA forms for my husband's work because Steven had to take several days off in the past several months. When I was ill in Jan. I was not even able to take care of our children for a few days, and then he had to take a day off in Feb to drive me home from the colonoscopy. He is only allowed a certain number of unexcused absences in a time frame and his boss was becoming upset. The Doctor filled it out that same day and they called me back to tell me the FMLA intermittent leave papers for Steven was ready and waiting. He comes back in town tomorrow and I was hoping within the next several days I would hear something about the pill cam and where we go from here and talk to him about it-- that is an option. Thank you for your kind works and you are right, I think the emotions of everything are overshadowing the fact that this will get better once we get everything worked out.
Sunny: Depending on what they come back and say about the refund I am going to do my darnest to talk to people higher up (the highest I can go) --- even sit down/ face to face so they can see me, eye to eye and know I am really not taking this time off for pleasure. I have several Professors who will also state the type of person I am if I asked them to. Even had my prior English professor ask me at the beginning of this year to do a small blog for her current English students giving them guidance on how to follow and carry out the required work, so keeping my fingers crossed that I will not have to jump through hoops-- but fully willing to if I need to.
Again, thank you. This is one of the very few times everyone will probably see me break down-- even hate to admit it but I feel embarrassed. I think it goes back to me always being the one to keep it together and having that strong back bone, but it was very helpful and very much appreciated that I did have a place to just let it all out.
Kel
Everyone has given you wonderful advise! Don't be embarrassed - it is normal to react when overwhelmed. I think talking/writing it and sharing it with us probably helped calm you even if you don't realize it.
Time will take care of itself. I believe that when things happen, you adjust, as Tex said and move forward adjusting your decisions and life around the situation. Everything will work out - maybe not exactly the way you want but it will work itself out.
Remember that stress will make you worse (proven by all of us!) so calm down and keep that wonderful smile and possitive attitude! You are a success in many areas and your health will improve with your determination!
Take care of yourself!
Mars
Time will take care of itself. I believe that when things happen, you adjust, as Tex said and move forward adjusting your decisions and life around the situation. Everything will work out - maybe not exactly the way you want but it will work itself out.
Remember that stress will make you worse (proven by all of us!) so calm down and keep that wonderful smile and possitive attitude! You are a success in many areas and your health will improve with your determination!
Take care of yourself!
Mars
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -- Buddha
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barbaranoela
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 5394
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:11 pm
- Location: New York
Kelly------I am sitting here---with tears running down my cheeks--after reading your issues---
I surely hope everything gets straightened out and in some manner they will---- plus that simple word *stress* can cause a hell of a storm inside a persons body---
And if coming here--letting things out---helps---than U come here and just *blow*---
I know I do that---cant keep it in----gotta let it all out--
So know we are here --and our caring is in each word that we say to U--
luve and
Barbara
I surely hope everything gets straightened out and in some manner they will---- plus that simple word *stress* can cause a hell of a storm inside a persons body---
And if coming here--letting things out---helps---than U come here and just *blow*---
I know I do that---cant keep it in----gotta let it all out--
So know we are here --and our caring is in each word that we say to U--
luve and
Barbara
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control
Wow, things are really complicated! It sounds like you have a handle on it though. I don't know how much flexibility there is in the student loan business, but there must be some. And certainly the school can make decisions on a case by case basis. You certainly have a good case, as all of us here understand.
It sounds like you've done all you can do for the moment with the financial problems. Good luck with the medical end of things!
It sounds like you've done all you can do for the moment with the financial problems. Good luck with the medical end of things!
kathy
This board is so good to vent on as everyone can understand what you are feeling and going through.
I applaud you on calling a psychiatrist and recognizing ahead that you may be heading into a depression. It takes a lot of courage to do that.
Take good care of yourself and give yourself some 'me time' tonight to help unwind!
I applaud you on calling a psychiatrist and recognizing ahead that you may be heading into a depression. It takes a lot of courage to do that.
Take good care of yourself and give yourself some 'me time' tonight to help unwind!
Diagnosed with MC on 1/8/2008 after 7 months of flare. 2nd colonoscopy and new diagnosis of UC on 3/11/2008.
Kel,
I don't believe I've even gotten around to welcoming you to "our family" but please believe that I do!!
Don't ever feel bad about any "whining" post here!! We have all done it at some time or other and often more than once. It is a good way to get things off your chest when you need to. You certainly have enough on your sholders to deserve a "whine" now and then.
I wish you the best outcome possible with all the issues.
Love, Shirley
I don't believe I've even gotten around to welcoming you to "our family" but please believe that I do!!
Don't ever feel bad about any "whining" post here!! We have all done it at some time or other and often more than once. It is a good way to get things off your chest when you need to. You certainly have enough on your sholders to deserve a "whine" now and then.
I wish you the best outcome possible with all the issues.
Love, Shirley
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
-- Winston Churchill
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annie oakley
- King Penguin
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Kellyerin222
- Adélie Penguin
- Posts: 88
- Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:35 pm
- Location: Granger, Indiana
- Contact:
Thank you everyone-- you all are great!
Shirly: thank you for the welcome and also thank you for your kind words!
Becky: You are right about Steven being my support. I love him dearly and we do have a good relationship. He is working two jobs for a short time to help us get caught up on bills, so I feel like we really only see each other on the weekends, while I am a single parent through the week--- but we are managing and trying to make it all work out ok. I am sorry to hear about what happened with your Mom and I can imagine that would be very stressful on you. Thank you for your support!
Mars: Thank you for your positive kind words, it brought a smile to my face! Tonight I have tried to keep all stress under control. Kids are in bed right now and I think I am going to be heading there very shortly as I am having problems keeping my eyes open, lol. Maybe after a good nights sleep I will feel a ton better.
Barb: I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry along with me! Yep, tonight just really trying to lower the stress level as much as I can. Have not ate very much today, but hoping after a good nights sleep I will be able to have some breakfast and put move on with a positive frame of mind.
Hazel: Thanks for your support! Hoping they will do the case by case basis with me. Just going to try and relax for the next 4-6 weeks until I hear their response back.
Erin: Thanks for the support. Being a Psych major and I am noticing some of the characteristic signs of depression my first thought was -- make an appointment so this does not get out of hand. I have my cup of tea, cuddled in a blanket "me" time right now. About to go have an affair with the pillow as my eyes are so heavy, lol.
You all are great
Shirly: thank you for the welcome and also thank you for your kind words!
Becky: You are right about Steven being my support. I love him dearly and we do have a good relationship. He is working two jobs for a short time to help us get caught up on bills, so I feel like we really only see each other on the weekends, while I am a single parent through the week--- but we are managing and trying to make it all work out ok. I am sorry to hear about what happened with your Mom and I can imagine that would be very stressful on you. Thank you for your support!
Mars: Thank you for your positive kind words, it brought a smile to my face! Tonight I have tried to keep all stress under control. Kids are in bed right now and I think I am going to be heading there very shortly as I am having problems keeping my eyes open, lol. Maybe after a good nights sleep I will feel a ton better.
Barb: I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry along with me! Yep, tonight just really trying to lower the stress level as much as I can. Have not ate very much today, but hoping after a good nights sleep I will be able to have some breakfast and put move on with a positive frame of mind.
Hazel: Thanks for your support! Hoping they will do the case by case basis with me. Just going to try and relax for the next 4-6 weeks until I hear their response back.
Erin: Thanks for the support. Being a Psych major and I am noticing some of the characteristic signs of depression my first thought was -- make an appointment so this does not get out of hand. I have my cup of tea, cuddled in a blanket "me" time right now. About to go have an affair with the pillow as my eyes are so heavy, lol.
You all are great
Currently waiting results to see exact problem.
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MaggieRedwings
- King Penguin
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- Joined: Tue May 31, 2005 3:16 am
- Location: SE Pennsylvania
Morning Kelly,
I surely hope today brings a bit more sunshine into your life and that having Steve by your side makes the walk a little easier. You are in fine company here and I think we have all had our issues regarding this disease and how it has affected our ability to continue the path we were on when it hit. I still wonder how I make it to work every day but I continue to drag forward.
Things will get better and there will be a bright sky after the storm. Just hang in there and easy for me to say in this situation - try to keep the stress at bay.
Barbara and I are probably the criers of the board and I was crying too.
Take Care and Love, Maggie
I surely hope today brings a bit more sunshine into your life and that having Steve by your side makes the walk a little easier. You are in fine company here and I think we have all had our issues regarding this disease and how it has affected our ability to continue the path we were on when it hit. I still wonder how I make it to work every day but I continue to drag forward.
Things will get better and there will be a bright sky after the storm. Just hang in there and easy for me to say in this situation - try to keep the stress at bay.
Barbara and I are probably the criers of the board and I was crying too.
Take Care and Love, Maggie
Maggie Scarpone
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!