The protective Grandmother in me is trying to escape! My mouth is about ready to over ride my common sense!
I have a 16 yr. old grandson; Brett. His mother is my youngest daughter; Kara who is on her 3rd marraige. His father; Mike is on his 2nd.
For 3 1/2 yrs. my husband and I had custody of Brett when he was a baby. We in agreement with the courts decided it was time for one of his parents to step up to the plate and be a parent. So Brett's custody was given to his Father.
From the age of birth to the age of 6 Brett has been moved and changed homes 13 times!
Brett found out back in January at age 16 he could choose where he wanted to live. He also let his Father and Step-mother know that if he wasn't allowed to live with his Mother that he could himself petition the court to be placed in his Mother's custody.
Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll my new family as you may have heard before "Houston, we have a problem!" My daughters present husband doesn't like Brett and the feelings are mutual on both sides. Kara had told Brett he could come live with them but her husband overuled and said"Oh no he's not living here." Brett's stepmother got bent out of shape because he wanted to move and live else where so she in turn moved all of Brett's belongings out of his own private bedroom and he now shares a bedroom with his half brother who is 6yrs old. And Brett's old room is now being occupied by his stepbrother who is 12.
Does anyone see a problem developing here or am I loosing my mind?
Since Brett was told he could not move to live with his mother he's really developed an anger problem which keeps escalating and I'm really getting concerned. 10 days ago while Brett was with his mother and stepfather he and his 17 yr old stepbrother decided to take off in his mothers car while my daughter and her husband were asleep and they put the car in a ditch! Apparently they were trying to glide along the side of the ditch?
Brett was punished by having his drivers license taken away until he turns 18 by his father and has been pulled out of playing any sports in school this year.
Jonathan however got his drivers license taken away for the rest of the summer and that's it.
I am not a stupid woman.............but I believe both boys lied to their parents, both boys were in this little caper together so both should be punished the same. Both boys are very good atheletes and I feel extra curricular activities are must for all students today and shouldn't be taken away from them. I'm all for taking the driver's license away as well as play station games and computer access but not school sports. I also feel that my grandson is acting out and his behavior is escalating to the point where if he doesn't start feeling wanted and treated equally that he may really do something stupid to himself as well as someone else while he's angry.
Please I would really appreciate your thoughts maybe I'm not looking at this clearly and if so hopefully your comments and input will help me settle down before my mouth over rides my ass!
Jodi
Dear Lord, Please Put a Sock In My Mouth???????
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jodibelle352
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Dear Lord, Please Put a Sock In My Mouth???????
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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Liz
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Hi Jodi,
No I think that you are seeing things very clearly. I rather think that it should be the parents in this case who should be punished for the damage that they are doing to this boy. Also it seems unfair that the boys should not have been punished equally, especially as the other boy is older & you would expect him to have more sense. I agree that computer games etc should be removed but sports should be continued.
Wouldn't you like to shake those supposed adults until their back teeth rattle. Their selfish & immature attitude to this boys welfare is reprehensible & they don't deserve to have the care of a goldfish let alone a child.
For what it is worth - I don't think that 16 year old children should be given a lethal weapon to drive around in. It seems to me that there are more & more of our young people being killed or maimed because they are able to drive cars that are capable of great speed & then when alcohol comes into the picture it gets worse. There were several young people killed & badly injured on our roads just this weekend. Some had been drag racing & took other innocent motorists with them. I would be keeping both of their licenses until they turned at least eighteen.
Well I have had my 2 cents worth. I hope that there is a solution to your problem & that the parents of these children wake up to themselves soon.
Liz
No I think that you are seeing things very clearly. I rather think that it should be the parents in this case who should be punished for the damage that they are doing to this boy. Also it seems unfair that the boys should not have been punished equally, especially as the other boy is older & you would expect him to have more sense. I agree that computer games etc should be removed but sports should be continued.
Wouldn't you like to shake those supposed adults until their back teeth rattle. Their selfish & immature attitude to this boys welfare is reprehensible & they don't deserve to have the care of a goldfish let alone a child.
For what it is worth - I don't think that 16 year old children should be given a lethal weapon to drive around in. It seems to me that there are more & more of our young people being killed or maimed because they are able to drive cars that are capable of great speed & then when alcohol comes into the picture it gets worse. There were several young people killed & badly injured on our roads just this weekend. Some had been drag racing & took other innocent motorists with them. I would be keeping both of their licenses until they turned at least eighteen.
Well I have had my 2 cents worth. I hope that there is a solution to your problem & that the parents of these children wake up to themselves soon.
Liz
A smile is a light in the window of your face that shows that your heart is at home
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jodibelle352
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Liz:
Thank You so much for answering. I have been in a "protective mode" with Brett because both my daughter as well as his father were very young when he was born and both have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. Mike however, got his shi* together first but seems to have blinders on when it comes to Brett's acting out and his anger issues. Brett was placed in counceling 3 yrs ago and then his step mother just decided he no longer needed it and took him out.
My daughter as well as her husband seem to feel I'm just being a meddling B without a brain and that I'm trying to start more trouble but I don't see "good" things for my grandson if they don't wake up and fly right.
These are pictures of my grandson Brett when he was living with us as a baby and him now. I love him very much.
Brett always loved playing hockey and use to put is undies on his head as a hockey helmet.LOL
This is Brett and I making cookies together. I have always loved his smile. This is Brett today.
Once again, thank you for your love and suport.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
Thank You so much for answering. I have been in a "protective mode" with Brett because both my daughter as well as his father were very young when he was born and both have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. Mike however, got his shi* together first but seems to have blinders on when it comes to Brett's acting out and his anger issues. Brett was placed in counceling 3 yrs ago and then his step mother just decided he no longer needed it and took him out.
My daughter as well as her husband seem to feel I'm just being a meddling B without a brain and that I'm trying to start more trouble but I don't see "good" things for my grandson if they don't wake up and fly right.
These are pictures of my grandson Brett when he was living with us as a baby and him now. I love him very much.
Brett always loved playing hockey and use to put is undies on his head as a hockey helmet.LOL
This is Brett and I making cookies together. I have always loved his smile. This is Brett today.
Once again, thank you for your love and suport.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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Liz
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Hi again Jodi,
People think that your troubles are over once you raise your children & they become adults, but sometimes it is just the beginning. Sometimes when the grandchildren arrive & it is all on once again.
I really feel for you in your predicament & hope that you find a solution once again. Perhaps Brett may be happier back with you again although it is a strain to take on the care of teenage children as you get older. It's hard enough when you are younger. He looks like a lovely young man who just needs some TLC & a bit of guidance.
All the best.
Love
Liz
People think that your troubles are over once you raise your children & they become adults, but sometimes it is just the beginning. Sometimes when the grandchildren arrive & it is all on once again.
I really feel for you in your predicament & hope that you find a solution once again. Perhaps Brett may be happier back with you again although it is a strain to take on the care of teenage children as you get older. It's hard enough when you are younger. He looks like a lovely young man who just needs some TLC & a bit of guidance.
All the best.
Love
Liz
A smile is a light in the window of your face that shows that your heart is at home
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jodibelle352
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Liz:
Financially David and I are not in any position to take him again and don't think the thought hasn't crossed our mind. Besides when we had him when he was little neither our daughter or ex-son-in-law helped us financially take care of him.
My husband David has COPD and prostate cancer while I have SLE (systemic lupus), CC and Fibromyalgia. The SLE and CC alone would be unmanagable because of the "stress factor" alone. I just don't know how we could do it especially if my daughter as well as Brett's father decide to make our lives miserable.
Money isn't everything and being in a loving invironment is more important but I've seen Brett react with anger and I honestly don't know if David and I would be capable of handling him if her were to act out.
Thanks for the suggestion though.
Jodi
Financially David and I are not in any position to take him again and don't think the thought hasn't crossed our mind. Besides when we had him when he was little neither our daughter or ex-son-in-law helped us financially take care of him.
My husband David has COPD and prostate cancer while I have SLE (systemic lupus), CC and Fibromyalgia. The SLE and CC alone would be unmanagable because of the "stress factor" alone. I just don't know how we could do it especially if my daughter as well as Brett's father decide to make our lives miserable.
Money isn't everything and being in a loving invironment is more important but I've seen Brett react with anger and I honestly don't know if David and I would be capable of handling him if her were to act out.
Thanks for the suggestion though.
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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Liz
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Hello again Jodi,
It must be very difficult for you & you must feel so helpless. Brett is lucky that you understand his problems & e at least can talk to you about them. That could be his saving grace.
I am so sorry that you & your husband have such problems. You have enough to contend with without the family worries that you have. Hang in there & hope that his errant parents will wake up to the mistakes that they are making.
Love
Liz
It must be very difficult for you & you must feel so helpless. Brett is lucky that you understand his problems & e at least can talk to you about them. That could be his saving grace.
I am so sorry that you & your husband have such problems. You have enough to contend with without the family worries that you have. Hang in there & hope that his errant parents will wake up to the mistakes that they are making.
Love
Liz
A smile is a light in the window of your face that shows that your heart is at home
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jodibelle352
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Thank You Liz and I'll let you know how things turn out as things go along. Your carring really helped me at least come back down to earth without setting off a nuclear warhead towards my daughter and ex son-in-law. LOL
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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jodibelle352
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JJ:
After voicing my feelings this past weekend to both parents by myself and my husband David our concerns were pretty much pushed aside and we were told to stay out of their way? Believe me I'm really concerned for my grandson and what my daughter and her ex are not looking at.
We've been told that were just upset because of their past behavior and that they are Brett's parents and will do as they feel best. So, we're pretty much out of the picture.
They don't want to even consider that Brett's issues started years ago with their past behaviors and lack of parenting. It just really upsets me really bad.
Jodi
After voicing my feelings this past weekend to both parents by myself and my husband David our concerns were pretty much pushed aside and we were told to stay out of their way? Believe me I'm really concerned for my grandson and what my daughter and her ex are not looking at.
We've been told that were just upset because of their past behavior and that they are Brett's parents and will do as they feel best. So, we're pretty much out of the picture.
They don't want to even consider that Brett's issues started years ago with their past behaviors and lack of parenting. It just really upsets me really bad.
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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jodibelle352
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We've been asked to stay out of the situation so I don't know what will happen. Brett's a good boy but has had the world pulled out from under him by parents and step-parents deciding to ignore his negative behavior escalating. All David and I can do pretty much is wait and watch as our advise is not welcomed. We can only be here when Brett is able to spend a weekend here and there with us and hope he doesn't get into anymore trouble.
Love Ya:
Jodi
Love Ya:
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
Jodi,
It must be very hard to stand by and helplessly watch as your grandson deals with his anger and frustration with his parents. You are concerned because you love him, but it sounds like his parents don't want to hear your suggestions. The best you can do is to let him know you are there for him and that you love him. I agree that taking away sports is not serving the purpose of the punishment.
I wish you luck.
Gloria
It must be very hard to stand by and helplessly watch as your grandson deals with his anger and frustration with his parents. You are concerned because you love him, but it sounds like his parents don't want to hear your suggestions. The best you can do is to let him know you are there for him and that you love him. I agree that taking away sports is not serving the purpose of the punishment.
I wish you luck.
Gloria
You never know what you can do until you have to do it.
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jodibelle352
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Thank You Gloria:
Everyone I've confided in feel the same. I feel he needs to be punished but so does his step brother who went with him and was just as much a part of the incident as Brett. Punishment should have been equal for both. I am very worried about Brett, his whole life has been so unstable except when he was still a baby and was with my husband and myself. Sometimes I blame myself for turning over custody to his father. Both David and I agreed that it was time for the courts to decide which parent was stable enough to start being a parent. Right now I could kick myself for giving him back. God, my heart really hurts.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
Everyone I've confided in feel the same. I feel he needs to be punished but so does his step brother who went with him and was just as much a part of the incident as Brett. Punishment should have been equal for both. I am very worried about Brett, his whole life has been so unstable except when he was still a baby and was with my husband and myself. Sometimes I blame myself for turning over custody to his father. Both David and I agreed that it was time for the courts to decide which parent was stable enough to start being a parent. Right now I could kick myself for giving him back. God, my heart really hurts.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
Jodi,
I live with almost the same scenario and have for the last 10 years where my grandchildren are concerned. Except my grandchildren are 10 & 3. The environment that they live in is not a healthy one and their Mother thinks she is the best Mother in the world.. NOT!!! I have had my 2 grandchildren since Saturday since the home that my son rented, had the basement flooded from heavy rains and now a toxic mold has developed. My 3 year old grandson was born 3 months premature and has breathing problems so I got him and his sister out of that house immediately.
Since having the 2 of them lately I am seeing the negative impact of them having 2 parents that lack teaching their children acceptable behaviours, respect, manners, etc.. They have a step brother that is 5 and is totally unruly, so the 3 year old is definitely showing signs that he has picked up from his step brother.
I can only do so much to try to turn that around when they are with my husband and me.
It's sad but grandparents have NO rights in Ohio...
I've made up my mind that when I have the 2 of them I will instill in them that when they are at my home it is a safe and secure environment and that we have set rules that they have to abide by.
There has been many times that I have been in the fuming mad mode, but I have given up on wasting time and energy and sleep on 2 supposedly adults that just DON'T get it and have their priorities totally screwed up... I figure that I'm not wasting my breath on them anymore.
It's very sad knowing that the children think that their environment is normal, and the vicious cycle will continue into their teen years and adulthood.
I wish you Good Luck where your grandson is concerned.
Love
Dee~~~~~
I live with almost the same scenario and have for the last 10 years where my grandchildren are concerned. Except my grandchildren are 10 & 3. The environment that they live in is not a healthy one and their Mother thinks she is the best Mother in the world.. NOT!!! I have had my 2 grandchildren since Saturday since the home that my son rented, had the basement flooded from heavy rains and now a toxic mold has developed. My 3 year old grandson was born 3 months premature and has breathing problems so I got him and his sister out of that house immediately.
Since having the 2 of them lately I am seeing the negative impact of them having 2 parents that lack teaching their children acceptable behaviours, respect, manners, etc.. They have a step brother that is 5 and is totally unruly, so the 3 year old is definitely showing signs that he has picked up from his step brother.
I can only do so much to try to turn that around when they are with my husband and me.
It's sad but grandparents have NO rights in Ohio...
I've made up my mind that when I have the 2 of them I will instill in them that when they are at my home it is a safe and secure environment and that we have set rules that they have to abide by.
There has been many times that I have been in the fuming mad mode, but I have given up on wasting time and energy and sleep on 2 supposedly adults that just DON'T get it and have their priorities totally screwed up... I figure that I'm not wasting my breath on them anymore.
It's very sad knowing that the children think that their environment is normal, and the vicious cycle will continue into their teen years and adulthood.
I wish you Good Luck where your grandson is concerned.
Love
Dee~~~~~
"What the heart gives away is never gone ... It is kept in the hearts of others."
Jodi, just an idea
If I were you, I think I'd contact the counselor at the school w/o the parents knowing a thing about it...........