Hi Everyone:
Maybe if I truly open up and tell exactly how I feel maybe things will fall into somekind of order so I can deal with everything. First things first. I finally had my thyroid ultra sound done today. It wasn't because I was being stubborn that it took me so long to do this it's because our vehicle decided it was tired of starting and soooooo had to have it fixed (which cost money) and so got stuck pretty much in a walking state for a while.
When I went for my ultra sound they actually gave me a disk for my personal files of all the images/photo's that they took today. Now I'll have you know that I have NO CLUE as to what I was looking at or what anything means as they haven't been read by a doctor yet. On one side I have 2 lesions one is 2.6cm and the other one is 3.9cm. The other side show multibule lesions. These are the things I watched the technician type into the computer. I figured it was about me so I was intitled to watch what the technician was typing. Should have the reports back Mon. or Tues. of next week and will hear from my Primary Physician at that time.
My weight is at 94 pounds and holding. Haven't gained but haven't gone any lower than 94 pounds. When it comes to my weight that is one of the top reasons for my depression. I hate looking at myself in the mirror as the person looking back at me is soneone I DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!! I don't like her, I don't like how she looks and to be quite honest I'm tired of her looking at me and making me feel like hell!
I'm doing my best to stay on the GF diet and have actually been enjoying Buckwheat Pancakes. I would be more happy being able to put fresh fruit in the batter like raspberries, strawberries etc. but since I don't want to be in self inflicted pain I refrain from those things that make me hurt or give me D.
I've come to realize that I have another trigger for the Big D to rear it's nasty head at me which is stress and anxiety. Yup!!!!! If I get upset I'm done for several hours.
I've made a list of things I can control and those that I can't. With the mind set I've been in believe me the list of things I can control is very short but I am doing my best to try.
A year ago this past June David my husband was rushed by ambulance and had emergency surgery on a ruptured hernia. He spent 3 very long weeks in the hospital and it was at this time that I started showing signs of CC but had no idea anything was medically wrong because I decided that everything was because of "stress". My whole life I've been the "caregiver". My parents programed me very well when they started me right from the "get go" to care for my brother. I had to make sure I watched over him because if I didn't believe me my mother knew exactly how to make my life pure hell. Since receiving a degree in "caregiving" at an early age I was prepared to care for my 1st born child who passed at 4 months old, caring for my son who was diagnoised with PAT and heart condition that today is corrected but from the age of 14months to the age of 11years I spent more time in C.S.Mott Childrens Hospital then I care to count or remember. Next on my list was my mother who lived with us after being diagnoised with cancer who passed in Jan. of 1995. Soooooo next came David who has been on oxygen 24/7 since 1996. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SICK!!!!!!! I am the "caregiver" and the role of "patient" is unacceptable!
I might feel semi human if I knew the reason why I've lost so much weight and don't seem to beable to put any weight back on. But every test, xray, lab work and the list goes on and on and on to one brick wall after another. I'm tired constantly, yet at night time when I should be sleeping I can't! When the mail comes and there's another medical bill we can't afford I panic and the stubborn part of me says;"That's it!!!!!!!!!! No Way! am I going to go through anymore test just to go further into debt! Nothing seems to be wrong so I must be crazy!"
My niece; LuAnn has been helping me emotionally by getting me to list some of my crochet work so that maybe I can make some extra cash doing something I love doing. I've mentioned to Joan what I've been doing and she suggested that I should share the site with everyone here. If anyone would like to check out my "creations" as even though I do read patterns, everything on this site is done from my imagination which travels down into my fingers that are holding a crochet hook. LOL This is the site: http://www.horsengoggle.com All my items are listed with OOAK (which means One Of A Kind) and they can be found if you click onto Dolls, then Accessories followed by Doll Clothes. I'm working on some gift idea's that will be listed in a few days.
I'm pretty messed up right now and not willing to take other people down with me while I'm falling. I do care about everyone here but I'm NOT the best company right now.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
I'm Sorry If I've Caused Anyone To Worry.........
Moderators: Rosie, Stanz, Jean, CAMary, moremuscle, JFR, Dee, xet, Peggy, Matthew, Gabes-Apg, grannyh, Gloria, Mars, starfire, Polly, Joefnh
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jodibelle352
- Angel
- Posts: 610
- Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 10:57 pm
- Location: Michigan
- Contact:
I'm Sorry If I've Caused Anyone To Worry.........
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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barbaranoela
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 5394
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:11 pm
- Location: New York
My dear Jodi---I wish I could be there to give U a big warm 
Needless to say, your issues have me in tears----when U become the *care-giver* and care-taker--it has to take a big toll on your entire being--
I understand every FEELING U have Xpressed---and tis better to get it out than keep it in--
This is why we are a *family*--here to listen--try to help---and let U know we care enuf to see U thru all thats happening /happened with issues that U are dealing with~~~~~
Always know that U can come here and SAY IT LIKE IT IS----
Hope things pick up for U---
luve Barbara
PS. I have thyroid problems(HYPER) and also have nodules -on both sides (one being very large)--also have had all the testing U been thru too---no cancer--
Also--had another biopsy done cus the larger one got LARGER---but all is OK---
Understand the worry when U are going thru testing for another issue that *smacks* U in the face--
And yes--at times U can scream---ENUF!!!!!!! so scream it here---
PSS- wanted to add this too---my endo DR. discussed with me--going off the meds(PTU) cause my readings have been great--she said that some people can stay regulated---but I said--NO WAY--and if things go amuck then I have to go back on meds. and go thru all those menopause symptoms??? YUP she said---NOPE---I said --
I have blood work up done several times during the year and I also see ENDO--every 4 months for a checkup of the nodes!!!
I luve her---cus she gets right to the point --just as me GP does--and everyone here knows I luve my GP too--he is terrific!!!
U see---both Doctors---KNOW ME--TALK TO ME--and thats what I appreciate!!! I am NOT patient #5--I am Barbara!!!!
Needless to say, your issues have me in tears----when U become the *care-giver* and care-taker--it has to take a big toll on your entire being--
I understand every FEELING U have Xpressed---and tis better to get it out than keep it in--
This is why we are a *family*--here to listen--try to help---and let U know we care enuf to see U thru all thats happening /happened with issues that U are dealing with~~~~~
Always know that U can come here and SAY IT LIKE IT IS----
Hope things pick up for U---
luve Barbara
PS. I have thyroid problems(HYPER) and also have nodules -on both sides (one being very large)--also have had all the testing U been thru too---no cancer--
Also--had another biopsy done cus the larger one got LARGER---but all is OK---
Understand the worry when U are going thru testing for another issue that *smacks* U in the face--
And yes--at times U can scream---ENUF!!!!!!! so scream it here---
PSS- wanted to add this too---my endo DR. discussed with me--going off the meds(PTU) cause my readings have been great--she said that some people can stay regulated---but I said--NO WAY--and if things go amuck then I have to go back on meds. and go thru all those menopause symptoms??? YUP she said---NOPE---I said --
I have blood work up done several times during the year and I also see ENDO--every 4 months for a checkup of the nodes!!!
I luve her---cus she gets right to the point --just as me GP does--and everyone here knows I luve my GP too--he is terrific!!!
U see---both Doctors---KNOW ME--TALK TO ME--and thats what I appreciate!!! I am NOT patient #5--I am Barbara!!!!
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control
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jodibelle352
- Angel
- Posts: 610
- Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 10:57 pm
- Location: Michigan
- Contact:
I'm Sorry If I've Caused Anyone To Worry.........
Hi Barbara:
Thank You so much for the things you've written. I've done a lot of reading and searching on the net about thyroid nodules and I've found out that many many women as well as men develope nodules especially after a certain age. I also trust what I've read that the majority of thyroid nodules are not cancerous and if by some chance they are cancer it is very treatable.
My biggest support system in my life right now are the people I have met here and my husband David. Except for my niece; LuAnn who recently moved to Humble, Texas my own children don't seem to give a damn about either David or myself. They don't call or stop by unless they absolutely have to or want/need something from us. They don't seem to realize that just a simple call saying "Hello, I love you" would really be nice to hear. Our oldest daughter has come right out and told other family and friends that she can't stand coming to see us because it makes her uncomfortable seeing me so under weight. My son visits about every other week when it's our turn to help them by watching Bailey while they work. We take turns with her other grandparents which still helps the kids out financially not having to pay for day care and we do at least get to see one of our grandchildren on a regular basis.
The biggest kick in the head has been from our youngest daughter; Kara and her piece of shi* husband who thinks he knows absolutely everything and is NEVER wrong. Needless to say he and I DO NOT GET ALONG and I don't see that changing anytime soon. He's an arrogant, self rightous and verbally abusive pig! He may treat my daughter and other women with disrespect but I AM NOT a woman who's going to take his shi*!
Last Oct. 17th, 2007 while David and I were renting the front unit of Dennis' condo. I over heard him make some threatening and abusive remarks about my son to my daughter. Apparently, he had loaned my son $50 and he hadn't been paid back yet. I feel my son should have made every attempt to pay back the money he borrowed but the remarks Dennis made were threatening. "I have ways of dealing with people like your brother and if he thinks I won't take him to court for my $50 he is very wrong!"
That's all it took to set me off. David was once again in the hospital and I was not feeling well myself and had about all of Dennis' smart remarks I could take. Soooooooooooo, I confronted him head on with my own threats and it wasn't pretty. I told him I would think twice before he took anyone to court because if he wanted to play games I had a good one for him. I asked him how he would like having the IRS know that he had been charging my husband and myself $500 per month rent and not claiming it on his income tax as income for over 3 years.
His responce wasn't pretty because he waited until David got released from the hospital and within an hour of David being home he came over and informed both of us that we had 30 days to find another place to live that we were being evicted. You got it! We were never late on any rent but he told David that he saw a side of me that he found dispicable and absolutely unforgivable. He told me that I had threatened him and his family's well being so he was evicting us.
We did find another place and we are quite happy now that we've settled in but the tension between us and our youngest daughter's husband is so thick you could cut it with a knife. David has called Dennis to try and defuse this situation but Dennis has requested that the only way there will ever be any kind of relationship is if I tell him I'm sorry and sign a statement saying I will never report anything to the IRS. Well I'm not going to tell him I'm sorry and I won't sign any papers either.
Well I've done my venting for today so now I'm going to finish my crocheting that I've started and I'm making everyone a promise that I will check in at least once a day even if I vent and just get things off my chest. Have to admit right now I feel like I've directed some of this pent up anger that's been inside for far too long.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
Thank You so much for the things you've written. I've done a lot of reading and searching on the net about thyroid nodules and I've found out that many many women as well as men develope nodules especially after a certain age. I also trust what I've read that the majority of thyroid nodules are not cancerous and if by some chance they are cancer it is very treatable.
My biggest support system in my life right now are the people I have met here and my husband David. Except for my niece; LuAnn who recently moved to Humble, Texas my own children don't seem to give a damn about either David or myself. They don't call or stop by unless they absolutely have to or want/need something from us. They don't seem to realize that just a simple call saying "Hello, I love you" would really be nice to hear. Our oldest daughter has come right out and told other family and friends that she can't stand coming to see us because it makes her uncomfortable seeing me so under weight. My son visits about every other week when it's our turn to help them by watching Bailey while they work. We take turns with her other grandparents which still helps the kids out financially not having to pay for day care and we do at least get to see one of our grandchildren on a regular basis.
The biggest kick in the head has been from our youngest daughter; Kara and her piece of shi* husband who thinks he knows absolutely everything and is NEVER wrong. Needless to say he and I DO NOT GET ALONG and I don't see that changing anytime soon. He's an arrogant, self rightous and verbally abusive pig! He may treat my daughter and other women with disrespect but I AM NOT a woman who's going to take his shi*!
Last Oct. 17th, 2007 while David and I were renting the front unit of Dennis' condo. I over heard him make some threatening and abusive remarks about my son to my daughter. Apparently, he had loaned my son $50 and he hadn't been paid back yet. I feel my son should have made every attempt to pay back the money he borrowed but the remarks Dennis made were threatening. "I have ways of dealing with people like your brother and if he thinks I won't take him to court for my $50 he is very wrong!"
That's all it took to set me off. David was once again in the hospital and I was not feeling well myself and had about all of Dennis' smart remarks I could take. Soooooooooooo, I confronted him head on with my own threats and it wasn't pretty. I told him I would think twice before he took anyone to court because if he wanted to play games I had a good one for him. I asked him how he would like having the IRS know that he had been charging my husband and myself $500 per month rent and not claiming it on his income tax as income for over 3 years.
His responce wasn't pretty because he waited until David got released from the hospital and within an hour of David being home he came over and informed both of us that we had 30 days to find another place to live that we were being evicted. You got it! We were never late on any rent but he told David that he saw a side of me that he found dispicable and absolutely unforgivable. He told me that I had threatened him and his family's well being so he was evicting us.
We did find another place and we are quite happy now that we've settled in but the tension between us and our youngest daughter's husband is so thick you could cut it with a knife. David has called Dennis to try and defuse this situation but Dennis has requested that the only way there will ever be any kind of relationship is if I tell him I'm sorry and sign a statement saying I will never report anything to the IRS. Well I'm not going to tell him I'm sorry and I won't sign any papers either.
Well I've done my venting for today so now I'm going to finish my crocheting that I've started and I'm making everyone a promise that I will check in at least once a day even if I vent and just get things off my chest. Have to admit right now I feel like I've directed some of this pent up anger that's been inside for far too long.
Love and God Bless:
Jodi
May God and All His Angels, watchover, protect and guide you "One Day At A Time".
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barbaranoela
- Emperor Penguin
- Posts: 5394
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2005 6:11 pm
- Location: New York
Jodi---keep VENTING-----it does make some changes inside yourself---as I said---U HAVE to let it out!!!
Heck---I have a daughter in law that is a TAKER!!!! and she really believes that I am totally dumb to all her antics--
Very hard for me to keep mouth SHUT cus I luve my son Doug too much to hurt him by saying anything-YET---I think he knows that I know that he knows ---as that saying goes on and on--
And DENNIS sounds like he will always be a MENACE---
Many good wishes coming your way hoping that U can get yourself *settle* down a bit--
luve Barbara
Heck---I have a daughter in law that is a TAKER!!!! and she really believes that I am totally dumb to all her antics--
Very hard for me to keep mouth SHUT cus I luve my son Doug too much to hurt him by saying anything-YET---I think he knows that I know that he knows ---as that saying goes on and on--
And DENNIS sounds like he will always be a MENACE---
Many good wishes coming your way hoping that U can get yourself *settle* down a bit--
luve Barbara
the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control
:
Jodi,
Sometimes you just got to let it all hang out..................I sure understand your feelings and don't feel they are out of order either!!!
Anyways, know that we are here to show support and lend an ear (or eyes in this case) and help you get your feelings out to relieve the stress that cause other things to come out
Personally, I find that stress is the worst for symptoms. I figure I can only change things I have control of and the rest will come out in the wash (grammy's saying).
Your SIL sounds like a real piece of work! Sounds like you have the right to be
the 
Hang in there - You are 
by us all!
Oh, BTW - in my humble opinion - caregivers have a special place in heaven!
Love and 
Mars
Sometimes you just got to let it all hang out..................I sure understand your feelings and don't feel they are out of order either!!!
Anyways, know that we are here to show support and lend an ear (or eyes in this case) and help you get your feelings out to relieve the stress that cause other things to come out
Personally, I find that stress is the worst for symptoms. I figure I can only change things I have control of and the rest will come out in the wash (grammy's saying).Your SIL sounds like a real piece of work! Sounds like you have the right to be
the Hang in there - You are by us all!Oh, BTW - in my humble opinion - caregivers have a special place in heaven!
Love and
Mars
"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -- Buddha
I join Barbara and Margie.............
You've got to have a place where you can "let off some steam" and this is just perfect for that function. We don't judge and there are lots of shoulders so it doesn't get "too heavy" for any one person. "Steam Away".
By the way, your doll clothes are lovely. I used to crochet and cross stitch. I hope to get back to something like that someday.
Love and
Shirley
You've got to have a place where you can "let off some steam" and this is just perfect for that function. We don't judge and there are lots of shoulders so it doesn't get "too heavy" for any one person. "Steam Away".
By the way, your doll clothes are lovely.
I used to crochet and cross stitch. I hope to get back to something like that someday.Love and
Shirley
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber"
-- Winston Churchill
-- Winston Churchill
Jodi, I'm sorry you are going through all the bad stuff. We don't mind your venting at all. Your SIL is something else (I'm being kind here). You are so right not to be blackmailed by him.
I love your doll items. I asked my daughter to take a look to see if her fiance's daughter had any dolls that would fit them. She said no, she's only seen her play with Barbie and Bratz.
LOVE,
I love your doll items. I asked my daughter to take a look to see if her fiance's daughter had any dolls that would fit them. She said no, she's only seen her play with Barbie and Bratz.
LOVE,
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and don't play one on TV.
LDN July 18, 2014
Joan
LDN July 18, 2014
Joan
Omg!! Jody..you poor soul. I really feel it for you at this time..I didnt realise you were having such a rough time..
Please try not to let your family get to you, an yes i know thats difficult..Ive been there with mine......remember what goes around comes around...they will get their just deserve for being selfish and uncaring..
I hope that the physical problems will get lighter soon and you will be able to cope a little better..Hope your doctors are supportive and giving you some strength..
You and david are souls destined to be together and your guides will watch over you..please ask them for strength..
I can totally relate to being a caregiver...I have cared for my mother who had a brain haemmorage...my schizoprenic brother for 20 yrs.. and my younger brother who has depression..also my dad had double hernia...And yes it finally catches up with you i can tell you..and yes we cant get ill huh!! I guess thats why im a mental health worker Its what i know best...
I love crochet ...I just bought a crochet shrug from the charity shop lately and its gorgeous... i look forward to viewing your dedicated work jody...
Please take care and keep in touch with everyone...I know i have been in and out with the site but i have had pressure with work and i have been feeling quite low... tired etc.. but everyone here are a tower of strength...
just had my mot done too
..car failed on brake pipe etc...costing me an arm and a leg...guess ill need to sell my body in the red light area....lol!!! joking
tc xxx
Please try not to let your family get to you, an yes i know thats difficult..Ive been there with mine......remember what goes around comes around...they will get their just deserve for being selfish and uncaring..
I hope that the physical problems will get lighter soon and you will be able to cope a little better..Hope your doctors are supportive and giving you some strength..
You and david are souls destined to be together and your guides will watch over you..please ask them for strength..
I can totally relate to being a caregiver...I have cared for my mother who had a brain haemmorage...my schizoprenic brother for 20 yrs.. and my younger brother who has depression..also my dad had double hernia...And yes it finally catches up with you i can tell you..and yes we cant get ill huh!! I guess thats why im a mental health worker
Its what i know best...I love crochet ...I just bought a crochet shrug from the charity shop lately and its gorgeous... i look forward to viewing your dedicated work jody...
Please take care and keep in touch with everyone...I know i have been in and out with the site but i have had pressure with work and i have been feeling quite low... tired etc.. but everyone here are a tower of strength...
just had my mot done too
..car failed on brake pipe etc...costing me an arm and a leg...guess ill need to sell my body in the red light area....lol!!! jokingtc xxx
Angy ;)
