MC

[Linda in BC]

I was going through my poems for a "Poetry Slam" we are putting on here in the Spring, and I came across this one tonight, written sometime last summer. So I pulled it out, polished it up a bit and thought to post it here, because… well.. this is the only place it would ever be understood.
Linda

MC

I know I am so much more than this disease...
... than this constant running to the bathroom....
bathroom door slamming...
Slamming my head against the wall---What did I eat THIS time?
Time.. to take a pepto, D-Manno, L-gluto, LDN...still, no change
Change the underwear, the medication, the toilet roll,
Roll out of bed again ... up all night to tend my sore "loose" end,
End of the road, can't go on...
On the pot, off the pot. No way to live
Living from bathroom to bathroom. No wheat. What do I eat?
Eat meat. No vegetables? No fruit?….. just that God Forbid bread
Bread dread and fear of mornings…of going out…of eating out…of someone finding out
Out. That’s what these feelings are about. Want it to end…
End this living hell… this Pain in the Butt…

But, NO.
I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS DISEASE.
I will beat it.
If I should not eat it, then I WON'T.
Won't be robbed of a life by a stupid food intolerance.
What I won't tolerate is my self giving in to this.
This is what I will do-- what ever it takes.
Take my life back.

[starfire]

Gave me chills, Linda. You sure hit it on the head.

Love, Shirley

[MBombardier]

I recently discovered all the cool emoticons available, but I really didn't see any that express my appreciation for this poem. Major kudos!!!

[tex]

I'm not sure how to describe my feelings after reading this - it's inspiring, and yet haunting. It definitely captures the essence of the disease.

Thanks for sharing,
Tex

[Gloria]

Linda,

What a heartfelt poem expressing the frustration and resolution we all feel with this disease. We certainly can all relate to what you've eloquently written.

Gloria

[Linda in BC]

Thanks for your nice comments but I want to apologize if this poem brings back some uncomfortable memories/ feelings for anyone .. I thought that by sharing it, some members who are struggling so much right now might fully realize that we have probably all been right where they are now, and that we really do understand. And when we say there is hope, it might not seem so placating... that though most of us here seem to be doing quite well now (thank goodness), it wasn't always that way, so our hopeful words might be easier to believe.

It was also, I admit, very cathartic

Linda