writing

[harma]

My renewed view this weekend on my stay in Jordan, also gave me the energy and inspiration to finally start writing about my experiences in Jordan. From the beginning this is on my mind. I have several idea’s; writing articles, writing a Jordan tourist guide in Dutch (since there isn’t a descent one), writing another tourist guide alike book in English but than one that in my opinion is lacking, writing about my personal experiences (Jordan through the eyes of harma about the culture, culture differences, things that strike me, but also about my inner personal experiences). A great mixture of combining existing information, doing my own research combined with a personal view and experiences, about the touristic part of Jordan, Arabic/Islamic culture, the country in General etc etc etc.
Till now I had no idea where to start. Actually I still don’t know where to start, but I have decided just to start. I am going to write one general article about a holiday in Jordan for the magazine of the foundation where I was working for in Groningen. And have decided to write about several topics short stories, like “driving in Jordan”, “shopping in Amman” “goats and sheep’s in the city” (idea’s that just came up) and where I am going to “publish” them, well dear potty people, here on this MC board. You are my Ginny pigs. Starting a blog and just publishing on the World Wide Web, maybe later, for now I need to have the feeling that I write it for somebody. I will post these stories in “harma pictures” and shall try every time to combine my story with a picture. Maybe it will not come any further than a couple of stories here or maybe this is the beginning of a whole new career (who knows). At the moment that is not even that important to me.
For now, I am very so happy, that I finally seem to have found my inner inspiration and creativity back. My life got stuck, almost at the same the MC started, about one and a halve year ago. Of course MC had also a big influence on my life (as if I have to explain that here). But view weeks before the MC started something emotional happening in my life which had a great impact on me (I still wonder if this was a trigger for the MC). It made the foundation of my existence crack. Since than, I have had the feeling I am on the run for something. I am pushing something away, what I find difficult to face or to feel. When I left in September to Jordan, I expected that once I was here, that it would solve itself, like a miracle. Well nothing like that at all. It has punched me harder in the face, than ever before. Only different here is, without friends, work, hobbies, radio, TV and no internet at home, there were not much emergency exits left (believe or not I did find one, on my laptop are some computer games, some thanks god only demo versions valid for one hour, only thing left now are some boring card games). So here I have to deal with it and I am dealing with it.
The Arabic language school I am joining is a Christian school. I didn’t know this (not that I have anything against it or a problem with it). Most student there, come to the school thru a church or Christian organization in their home country. But besides that it is a normal Arabic language school. At this school I met Paula from Finland. An amazing lady, in her late 40’s with two grown up daughters, who came to Jordan, because she want to learn to speak Arabic (again who says there is an age limit to follow your dreams). Paula is an amazing woman and my first real friend here. What makes her so special is the way she talks about her religion and her relationship with Jesus and god. It’s sincere, honest and straight from her hart. She “met” Jesus 13 years ago, which changed her fundamentally. Not that everything in her life was from that day perfect or the circumstances changed. No it’s about how she from than experiences life and the love of Jesus and god in her life. The way she talks about it, I recognize a lot in it, in how my life has changed the last 3 to 4 years (of which my stay here in Jordan is the end result so far). I did it in another way, but I believe there are many ways to get in touch with yourself (your soul) and finding god (or the universe, whatever you like to call it).
About a week ago, I went to my first church services (besides the one I went to with x-mas sometimes or when a funeral is carried out from church) to an international church here in Amman. Also what I didn’t know, my friend from London who was here two weeks ago, is an active church visitor of the international church in Groningen.
Last week was one of my worst weeks here, my friend had gone home, a week no school (Islamic holiday week here), on top of that bound to my house thanks to an ear infection. So on the phone I was a bit complaining about it to Paula. Than she came with the suggestion (but in totally free no pushy in any way), why don’t you do what I did 13 years ago and put your questions to Jesus. Knock on his door, challenge him, confront him. That is what I did Friday night, sceptic as I was not expecting anything of it. I slept very very very bad Friday night, a lot did go through my mind. The main question was, should I postpone my flight for two weeks or leave on the first of December, and I just couldn’t make a decision. That was the question I asked Jesus. And believe or not Saturday morning I had my answer, I wanted to stay for another two weeks, to give my live in Jordan a foundation to come back after my return to the Netherlands. I just popped up in my mind. Also another question I asked was “what do I have to do to get my life back on track”. Also that question was answered, a very simple answer. Just pick up the things that are on your plate know, present in your life now and start from there. An amazing simple but oh so true answer.
It is not like my MC is cured now, I have seen the light, hallelujah, I carry around the bible and have the lord is my shepherd as a new credo now. But it seems like something has changed. And all thanks to my wonderful friend Paula.
I needed to share this amazing experience with you.

[Linda in BC]

Dear Harma;

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I am happy that you have found resolution to your questions, and wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on the mechanism by which that may have occurred. Throughout my life I have studied all the major religions and have formed for myself a synthesis of them that works for me. What I have found is that at the times in my life when I was overwhelmed and needed guidance, direction, relief from pain or whatever, and I reached out to "God" or as they say in the Alcoholics Anonymous movement, "a higher power", I was always given what I needed. My sister, and her whole family actually, are what we call here, " Born Again Christians", and of course they are very concerned for me and my soul, and would very much like me to "know Jesus" as well. My answer to them is this: I don't know where Jesus fits into this picture, but I do know that I can beseech help directly from "something greater than myself" and get the same "help", the same feeling of well-being, and peace, and answers that they do by asking Jesus. My sister says I am a Christian and I just don't know it. I say that the help we get is coming from the same "source", it is the same "principal" at work, and we are actually accessing the same mechanism of help, whatever it may be. I know even more that this is true because, tho I have never attended AA myself, I was married to someone who did, and I have seen many crusty old alcoholics and people who would run as far away as possible if you mentioned the word "Jesus" to them, have their lives completely changed and themselves completely changed by reaching out to "a higher Power". No Jesus involved.

I hope you don't mind my offering my explanation for what happened to you... I am very,very happy for you that you have found some answers.

Best regards, Linda