If I chose to wear black for a year ~ that's my choice.
(I don't but I was trying to make a point)
A strong Support System is a must! Right at the moment these are my strongest support:
My Therapist
Heartland Hospice Grief Suppot Group
Heartland Hospice Grief Co-ordinators
2 or 3 Family Members
My Very Best Friend Karen
The Potty People
My children love me, but they are more comfortable not talking about memories we share of David. This causes me to hold everything inside. If I bring something up, they want to change the subject or take leave and end the visit.
My son Bill has pretty much cut any & all ties with me at the present. Why? When David died, he tried to become Head of the Family. Many times to the point where he started telling me what I could do & what I couldn't do. He even told me;" I've spent so much of my time dealing with you I haven't even been able to grieve for my Dad !" I took this to mean that I had become a burden to him which was never my intention.
When I had my breakdown in Jan. Bill became infuriated with me and took my words the wrong way. He seems to feel I don't appreciate anything he did for me. Which is not true. What's so troublesome is that now he's closed the door on any communication. I've only seen my grand-daughter; Bailey who just turned 7 on March 31st. I have seen her once and talked on the phone with her once. Yesterday, was her 7th Birthday Party at a Bowling Alley close to where I live. When I arrived and walked in, my daughter-in-law and her parents turned themselves showing there backs to me. This really hurt my heart. Bailey however, came running to me with open arms, told me how much she misses me & gave me lots of hugs & kisses.
Keep me in your prayers that one day the doors will once again open so my son will at least allow himself to at listen. Thank You for letting me share my thoughts.
Love & God's Blessings:
Jodi
