Need Input that I'm not going to get from Dr.

Post by **tex** » Wed Mar 14, 2018 10:27 pm

Erica wrote:So I sit at my desk unsure how I want to choose to feel about this because

You should feel proud and confident because you have faced and overcome challenges in life that those people whom you are "envying" (or is the proper word "despising") can't even comprehend. Most of them probably wouldn't be up to the challenge. Laura has a good point. You never asked for microscopic colitis — it was forced upon you. But you accepted the challenge and you learned how to live with it.

Now you just need to learn how to "live" with the people around you who don't understand your situation. Compared with what you've
been through during the past few years, and what you've had to learn in order to control this disease, learning how to integrate/meld/mingle/network with those folks should be a walk in the park. You've proved your mettle.

We're not unlike long-term prisoners who have to learn how to assimilate into society once they're released. We're imprisoned by the disease until we learn how to break free. Then we have to face a society that no longer feels comfortable with us — and we no longer feel comfortable with it.

I feel your pain — but Hey! . . . If we can conquer MC, we can do anything!

Hugs,
Tex

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:09 pm

Thank you Jari, Laura and Tex,
For helping prop me back up...today is another day. Still not quite so good in the feelings department but another day. These feelings I've had the last 3 days remind me of the orphaned feeling that hit me when my grandparents had passed....no close family to fall back on (my mom is only so good at empathy, no dad, and no other close family except my husband and kids) just me...taking care of me.

I feel I'm back to that square again....and it's rather lonely.

I need to get a grip on this as I don't like or want to keep feeling this way....I'm afraid I will never be cared about in the way I longed to be....MC rules and symptoms keep me from understanding how to break free. One wrong food move or stress of a situation and the rules of MC begin all over again.

I guess in this lifetime the one true person you should be relying on is: Yourself

I'd be lying if I said I didn't need anybody....I keep hoping one day I will be thought about enough to be included without weird feelings or how I can be accomodated. I don't get asked out...there are no girlfriends in my life that are close enough to physically have a conversation with....it's all this Social Media stuff and the girlfriends are miles away. I had girlfriends and did things - before marriage and kids.....life has changed the way I've been given opportunities to get to know people. I'm not the most outgoing person....but I feel I'm the most caring and loyal person ever and if I could find that in a girlfriend that could handle taking on my new rules to life they would have a friend for life.

All those old sayings about shy people start flooding me......like Wall Flower, There must be something wrong with her, I don't know what to say to her, I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings,....nothing hurts worse than ignoring the elephant in the room!

I've never had something affect me quite like this wave has.

I will try to learn how to MELD better

Janie · Post by **Janie** » Sat Mar 17, 2018 1:03 pm

Oh Erica, I now just read this. I hope you are feeling better :bouqueofpinkroses:

brandy · Post by **brandy** » Sat Mar 17, 2018 1:41 pm

Hi Erica,

I just read your last 4 posts and I wanted to offer you support.

Love, Brandy

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Sat Mar 17, 2018 3:55 pm

Thank you Janie & Brandy

I’m kinda in that numb stage this weekend..existing and doing what needs to be done....to top it all off I acquired another cold, not as severe as the one 30 days ago but just enough to feel crappy and put my head in a fog. Still figuring out what my next move is...good thing I’m not one to make rash decisions.

Hugs

jlbattin · Post by **jlbattin** » Sat Mar 17, 2018 6:36 pm

Interesting that you said another cold...........I'm on my 2nd one since January and 3rd one in 6 months..........I thought it was the 3 anesthesias that did a number on me, but everyone I know has been sick a lot this year..............we didn't really have a winter to kill anything.......

I'm going to be coughing from now on, the way I feel...............so over all of this!

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Sat Mar 17, 2018 8:11 pm

Gee Jari,

Three is a rough start to the year

I’ve never had colds come over me like this. You’re right Winter wasn’t a long cold one in the PNW either so who knows how our bodies are being required to change when it comes to our immune systems.

I agree.....so over the virus and it’s symptoms. Totally disrupts my intestines, luckily I’m not running to the bathroom a jillion times though.

I’ll be thinking of you too

I hope you get to feeling good soon.

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Mon Mar 19, 2018 1:47 pm

If anyone is interested in my final thoughts about my recent meltdown......I decided to confront one of the individuals of the Circle and I believe I have stated my mind calmly and with truth about how it all made me feel. As to future occasions I am leaving it up to fate that how this situation made me feel will weigh upon them each and every time they group together or decide about including me. You don't work for an organization for 24 years and then suddenly become invisible...I think things will be different moving forward.

I've made my peace with this situation....

Gabes-Apg · Post by **Gabes-Apg** » Wed Mar 21, 2018 6:40 pm

Erica,
I feel your pain - life with MC is a tough gig..
since my MC dx I have changed jobs 3 times, moved towns twice. as a single person, living alone for the MC journey, my 'MC' eating plan and lifestyle choices have had big impact on my social life and emotional wellbeing in the workplace and establishing friends, given the impact of not being able to be part of food based social gatherings whether it be sharing birthday cake, going out for lunch, or even feeling bad saying no thanks everytime someone offers to get me lunch etc.

the amount of energy I spend trying to be 'normal' when my day to day life is far from the same as 90% of the population is exhausting.

only now, 8 years into my MC journey that i am in a workplace that my eating plan is reasonably accepted do i feel some level of balance. but work is less than a third of my waking hours. I have family members that still dont get it, will offer me food items full of gluten, dairy etc.
I have long term friends that get the gluten free part - but still struggle that my eating plan is more than just 'gluten free' and asky, can you just have a little bit of food items that have dairy, soy, fibre etc

i am now at the stage of 'it is what it is' and this is 'as good as it gets' - use lots of meditation, podcasts, audiobooks to keep my mind (and heart) at peace. embrace the good moments /days. move past the hiccups and less than ideal moments/days.

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Mon Mar 26, 2018 5:19 pm

I always appreciate your perspective on things Gabes :bigbighug:

I wish it wasn't so tough to not think about this on a daily basis. I get it that many of us are in the same boat, floating around trying to figure it out and what works best for each of us.

The struggle is real more often than not...not gonna sugar coat it. I am doing pretty much fine until it has to involve food then I start to over think all kinds of stuff.

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Mon Apr 02, 2018 1:21 pm

I am updating this because it almost feels like a miracle has happened

I'm not sure when or how my message of food sensitivities finally became clear to family but Easter dinner was a huge success! There was Ham (it was brined with sugar but I just cut the outside layer off) and plain potatoes just for me, asparagus (nothing added), and canned corn! There were 2 or 3 other items but I didn't care....I had safe food to eat!!!

I almost cried from joy

I hope this continues....I've fought real hard to get everyone to understand that I'm not doing what I'm doing to be different or a fad...I'm doing it to be well!

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Tue Apr 03, 2018 5:34 am

I'm very glad for you Erica.

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Tue Apr 03, 2018 12:39 pm

Thank you Starfire

Pam V · Post by **Pam V** » Wed Apr 04, 2018 6:32 am

Erica -

I'm so happy for you that your Easter dinner was a happy one.

We live in a world that seems favored towards extroverted people. Throw social media on top of that and it can make a sensitive introvert feel as if something is wrong with them. Add a dose of social interactions with co-workers (who may be acting out passive aggressively out of jealousy?) and it can make anyone feel like they are alone in this world.

Sending my thanks to you for all of the words of wisdom and inspiration that you have posted on this board.

Best wishes -
Pam

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:25 pm

Thank you Pam