In view of the fact that I spent the last 4 days sick, I decided that I need to make some changes in my life beginning with searching for a companion. So here's my Want Ad (maybe I'll post it on Craig's List).
White, single, female looking for surrogate husband (or real one). He must have the following attributes:
* Cannot belong to this board or have any condition where the word "colitis" is part of the condition
* Have a sense of humor, because he is gonna need it to put up with me
* Be able to endure endless conversations on food, gas, bloating, cramps and poop of various shapes and forms
* Must know the difference between chocolate mousse and a real moose
* Must know how to use all the tools in my garage, which shall remain nameless because I don't know what they are (they are in the Witness Protection Program)
* Must be able to identify all the various Cathys, Terris, Debbies on this board even though they ARE in the Witness Protection Program
* Must read Tex's book to understand the s***t I go through everyday (literally)
* Must know how to install brackets for a mini-blind that's been sitting on the floor for almost 2 years
* Must have a killer instinct--weeds, that is.
* Must replace my Mexican gardener and my Weedman who fleece me every month
* Must be able to fix my VCR so I can watch movies again or just go to the darn store and pick up one
* Must have great political skills: paddle to the Left, paddle to the Right, but stay in the middle
And last but not least:
* Must have a pulse. Be drop-dead gorgeous (OK, that's a wish, but not necessary), debonair, charming, witty. Must be a real dude.
What do you get in return?
* WYSIWYG. The pic is real. No photoshop
* Si, yo hablo Ingles and 6 more languages. Very handy when traveling, no interpreter
* A chic chick
* I am as good as Mother Teresa except better looking
* I can cook rice and many other things in all their various incarnations
And last but not least: I am that I am. (That's what God said when Moses asked him to identify himself. Don't ask me what it means, I am a pseudo-philosopher, not a real one).
Love to all my friends,
Monique
Single, White Female Seeking a Husband (or a Surrogate) ...
Moderators: Rosie, Stanz, Jean, CAMary, moremuscle, JFR, Dee, xet, Peggy, Matthew, Gabes-Apg, grannyh, Gloria, Mars, starfire, Polly, Joefnh
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wmonique2
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Single, White Female Seeking a Husband (or a Surrogate) ...
Diagnosed 2011 with LC. Currently on Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)
Monique,
Now that's a good Ad!
Wow! You're a bona fide hyperpolyglot. I'm in awe!
I'm lucky to be able to do a mediocre job of communicating in one language.
Love,
Tex
Now that's a good Ad!
Wow! You're a bona fide hyperpolyglot. I'm in awe!
I'm lucky to be able to do a mediocre job of communicating in one language.Love,
Tex
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
LMBO Monique! I'm so cracking up over here. Love it! My husband fits most of those attributes and good timing, as I'm about to kick him to the curb for keeping me awake at night with his snoring! hehe I need my beauty sleep.
Do you really speak that many languages? That's incredible. You forgot to put down your ballroom and belly dancing. That's how I got my hubby....he couldn't resist my moves on the dance floor! lol!
I will be looking for your ad on Craig's list....silly lady.
Thanks for the laugh....you got it going on girl.
Terri
Do you really speak that many languages? That's incredible. You forgot to put down your ballroom and belly dancing. That's how I got my hubby....he couldn't resist my moves on the dance floor! lol!
I will be looking for your ad on Craig's list....silly lady.
Thanks for the laugh....you got it going on girl.
Terri
Diagnosed with Lymphocytic Colitis in July, 2012 then with Celiac in November, 2012.
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wmonique2
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single, White Female Seeking a Husband (or a Surrogate) ...
Tex,
Glad you all having a good laugh!
yes, I am a hyperpolyglot (love that word) as you called it or uberpolyglot as I call myself. Seven in all. Don't like mentioning it usually because it intimidates most people (especially dudes). I always say I have a "couple of languages". I mentioned it in my "ad" because I had to say something about my "offerings"
Henry Kissinger had a few, not as many though, Madelyn Allbright has 5. I had 5 by the time I was 19.
Terri---How could I forget the belly dancing? THAT alone should have done the job! Glad you cracked up! Hey, keep that dude of yours especially if he knows the difference between a screwdriver and a wrench :-)
Jean---thanks for that!
Love to all!
Monique
Glad you all having a good laugh!
yes, I am a hyperpolyglot (love that word) as you called it or uberpolyglot as I call myself. Seven in all. Don't like mentioning it usually because it intimidates most people (especially dudes). I always say I have a "couple of languages". I mentioned it in my "ad" because I had to say something about my "offerings"
Henry Kissinger had a few, not as many though, Madelyn Allbright has 5. I had 5 by the time I was 19.Terri---How could I forget the belly dancing? THAT alone should have done the job! Glad you cracked up! Hey, keep that dude of yours especially if he knows the difference between a screwdriver and a wrench :-)
Jean---thanks for that!
Love to all!
Monique
Diagnosed 2011 with LC. Currently on Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)
Deb wrote:Don't leave us if some great "dude" comes along!!
You need to add a line to that ad about a requirement for sharing your time with all of your friends and family here on this discussion board. Perhaps a prenuptial agreement would be in order. 
Love,
Tex
It is suspected that some of the hardest material known to science can be found in the skulls of GI specialists who insist that diet has nothing to do with the treatment of microscopic colitis.
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wmonique2
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Tex,
Yep, a pre-nup would be in order! The dude that shares my life would have to live with ALL of you!!! It's the whole kit-and-kaboodle, hook-line-and-sinker or any other cliche you want to use!
Deb---thank you for your sweet note.
Love,
Monique
Yep, a pre-nup would be in order! The dude that shares my life would have to live with ALL of you!!! It's the whole kit-and-kaboodle, hook-line-and-sinker or any other cliche you want to use! Deb---thank you for your sweet note.
Love,
Monique
Diagnosed 2011 with LC. Currently on Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)
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wonderwoman
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MaggieRedwings
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Absolutely great post to start my morning Monique. No ad needed - you are just perfect, colitis or not.
My sister who has passed on met your criteria for languages - she spoke and wrote 8. NOt my forte in the least - can't even imitate an accent.
Love, Maggie
My sister who has passed on met your criteria for languages - she spoke and wrote 8. NOt my forte in the least - can't even imitate an accent.
Love, Maggie
Maggie Scarpone
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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Resident Birder - I live to bird and enjoy life!
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wmonique2
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Thanks, Maggie, you're so sweet...
Your sis had 8? Wonderful! Never met anyone who had more than me...At one point I thought I'll go for 10 then changed my mind since I didn't see the point in cluttering my mind with Chinese for example since EVERYTHING from China ends up at Walmart anyway
Love,
Monique
Your sis had 8? Wonderful! Never met anyone who had more than me...At one point I thought I'll go for 10 then changed my mind since I didn't see the point in cluttering my mind with Chinese for example since EVERYTHING from China ends up at Walmart anyway
Love,
Monique
Diagnosed 2011 with LC. Currently on Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)
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wmonique2
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Jean,
How wonderful that your bro can speak 9! But here's what I found out (not saying that is the case with your bro)---many people CLAIM to speak other languages but when you put them to the test, they fail royally. They may have learned those languages but CANNOT speak them or write them with any accuracy. When I meet people who say they speak a certain language and actually speak it to them, I find out that they have a rudimentary knowledge of the language and all they manage to do is stutter in that language. It happens to me ALL the time....They may have learned it in high school but they do not MASTER the language.
I actually speak those languages every week with my family and friends. Old Slavonic? Don't know that one...probably a dead language like Latin, Ladino and Esperanto which I could claim to know since they are the basis of the Romance languages that I do speak. Latin comes on handy now and then especially when the Pope speaks it as they sometimes do or if you are Catholic and want to hear mass in Latin.
There is only ONE dead language which has been revived in the last century and successfully so, and that is Hebrew. The current modern Hebrew is derived from ancient Hebrew and it is now spoken for the last 60 years in Israel. If you know the modern Hebrew, you can actually read the ancient texts of the Bible (if you're inclined, that is). The attempt to make Esperanto the international language failed because English pretty much has trumped everything else.
Love to all,
Monique
How wonderful that your bro can speak 9! But here's what I found out (not saying that is the case with your bro)---many people CLAIM to speak other languages but when you put them to the test, they fail royally. They may have learned those languages but CANNOT speak them or write them with any accuracy. When I meet people who say they speak a certain language and actually speak it to them, I find out that they have a rudimentary knowledge of the language and all they manage to do is stutter in that language. It happens to me ALL the time....They may have learned it in high school but they do not MASTER the language.
I actually speak those languages every week with my family and friends. Old Slavonic? Don't know that one...probably a dead language like Latin, Ladino and Esperanto which I could claim to know since they are the basis of the Romance languages that I do speak. Latin comes on handy now and then especially when the Pope speaks it as they sometimes do
or if you are Catholic and want to hear mass in Latin.There is only ONE dead language which has been revived in the last century and successfully so, and that is Hebrew. The current modern Hebrew is derived from ancient Hebrew and it is now spoken for the last 60 years in Israel. If you know the modern Hebrew, you can actually read the ancient texts of the Bible (if you're inclined, that is). The attempt to make Esperanto the international language failed because English pretty much has trumped everything else.
Love to all,
Monique
Diagnosed 2011 with LC. Currently on Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)
Monique,
I am sure many people exaggerate their claims of knowing a language but my brother does not simply claim to speak these languages. He has mastered them, seeks out people to speak with, got complimented in Paris for his French, talks to his Russian neighbors with ease, etc etc etc He is fluent in both the written and the spoken word. This is his passion and has been all his life. Old Slavonic is a church language and he sought out a church in the Boston area where it was used because he was interested. Before he went to St Lucia for my daughter's wedding he taught himself enough of the Creole that is spoken there to converse in it (I did not include that in my count nor did I include Latin which he can converse in). He's probably studying up for his next trip to the island so he can be truly fluent even though everyone there speaks English. My brother speaks Hebrew (knows the modern and the Biblical) and Yiddish including various dialects (my grandparents were native Yiddish speakers but my father's family spoke a different dialect than my mother's family. It is the language my mother and father spoke in their respective homes growing up). He is not a mere dabbler. This is serious business for him. I imagine Esperanto is on his list too along with Ladino.
Jean
I am sure many people exaggerate their claims of knowing a language but my brother does not simply claim to speak these languages. He has mastered them, seeks out people to speak with, got complimented in Paris for his French, talks to his Russian neighbors with ease, etc etc etc He is fluent in both the written and the spoken word. This is his passion and has been all his life. Old Slavonic is a church language and he sought out a church in the Boston area where it was used because he was interested. Before he went to St Lucia for my daughter's wedding he taught himself enough of the Creole that is spoken there to converse in it (I did not include that in my count nor did I include Latin which he can converse in). He's probably studying up for his next trip to the island so he can be truly fluent even though everyone there speaks English. My brother speaks Hebrew (knows the modern and the Biblical) and Yiddish including various dialects (my grandparents were native Yiddish speakers but my father's family spoke a different dialect than my mother's family. It is the language my mother and father spoke in their respective homes growing up). He is not a mere dabbler. This is serious business for him. I imagine Esperanto is on his list too along with Ladino.
Jean