Emotional Baggage--Have YOU Dealt With YOURS?

[wmonique2]

Hello Friends,

We all know that disease doesn't happen in a vacuum. There are triggers and those triggers are sometimes emotional.

Have you dealt with the emotional issues that brought on your MC?

What do you do to make yourself feel better?

What methods do you use or have you used in the past to deal with the emotional STUFF that brought on your condition?

What do you do to HEAL yourself?

How do you conquer the constant negative dialogue (or maybe monologue) in your head and not allow it to bring you down?

I have dug deep and hard in my heart to find the answers and I'll share my thoughts and experience with you once we begin this dialogue.

On this forum we share the most personal aspects of this condition but there is a spiritual and emotional component to it that we cannot ignore because it is the SOURCE of our malaise.

Chime in.

Thanks,

Love

Monique

[brandy]

Hi Monique,

On weeks I do meditative yoga 3x5 times per week I consistently do better. On weeks that I don't make it to yoga I don't do as well.

I've found the bigger problems aren't getting to me like they used to. My furnace broke down last week during our 30 degree nights in North Florida so I'm presently shopping for a furnace AC and water heater.
I seem to be handling the stress of getting all of these estimates better than pre mc.

Brandy

[carolm]

Monique,

My LC came on in the summer of 2011. It was the first year of life without my mom who passed away from leukemia in May of 2010. She passed away the day before my daughter's high school graduation party. The day after commencement we were back at my parents home, going to her wake. Funeral the next day. That was in May. In August my daughter moved off to college (a happy, exciting thing but still a change). Also in August I got an assignment change to a school I really didn't want to work at, but they had to have a psych there with some backbone and who could say "no'. So I finished that school year and almost as soon as I was off contract -- Boom! hit with the first big flare and clueless as to what's happening. In the back of my head I've always wondered if it was the grief and loss. It was a tough year personally. My mom and I were close.

So, the loss of my mom, supporting my dad in his grief, a change in my parenting status and a stressful job change, then the loss of my health-- added up to a lot of loss, all at once. I had to address the grief or else I was headed to a dark and depressing place.

I tend to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (aka Rational Emotive Therapy) techniques if I need to talk myself through something. I figured out ways to honor my Mom, I helped my dad sort through things and that was hard, but therapeutic for both of us. I keep in closer contact with my brothers-- both are great guys and lots of fun. In fact I've connected with more of my cousins and started private groups for family members on Facebook. For myself, I try to get out of my own head-- I'm trying to train our new dog, I try to do a random act of kindness daily, and/or I make sure I schedule coffee with a friend who is struggling or also grieving. I also like yoga very much. And it may sound silly but I try to make sure at home my physical surrounding are comfortable. I bought 800 thread count sheets and a couple of microfiber blankets, plus the softest PJ and lingerie I can find. And I've finally gotten back to weight lifting and a tiny bit of jogging while I walk. Over the weekend I decided to start a 'grateful' journal to write every night before I go to bed. But I haven't gotten around to getting it done. But I will. Maybe tonight.

It's still a journey to find things that help me keep my attitude in the right place and allow my heart to heal.

As I've said before: "Battle back". I think it's the only way to come out okay on the other side.

Carol

[Deb]

Carol, I love your post. I am in the midst of some real stress (my father-in-law just died) and have had two days of symptoms but am now okay. Funeral is tomorrow. I have really been working on my thyroid/adrenal issues and I think all is going to be okay (for FIL and me. He's finally out of pain) I am so on board with good sheets and a comfy bed! Deb

[carolm]

Thanks Deb, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you do well tomorrow and find some peace in the support and sharing memories with others.

I feel like LC has changed my skin. It seems more sensitive, so now I happily buy softer, better quality things. I can feel the difference more now. I don't exactly understand it but that's what seems to have happened. So it is comforting to have soft, smooth things around.

Carol

[wmonique2]

Great post, Carol. Thank you for sharing.

We have similar stories. Mine too began in 2011 when I lost my husband. He was ill for a year-and-half prior to his death and I was his caretaker. The stress of taking care of him without a support system (and neglecting my own diabetes) sent me over the edge. I had an explosion of symptoms at once. Then I ate undercooked fish and got an intestinal bacterial infection (called aeromonas--commonly called "the flesh eating bacteria") which would have been a few days event had it not been for my suppressed immune system. I was hospitalized (near death)--we were both dying at the same time. I barely survived it, he didn't. 2011 was the year from hell. I lost my husband and my best friend and my health and my career (and my health insurance), all at once.

My question is this: How does one move beyond all of that? I am told that I need to treat my grief on a cellular level. That I am holding to my grief in my gut and that's why I am not healing. I see others on the forum taking meds for a few months then attempting to go without. I go from flare to some semblance of normalcy then back to flare. Two weeks normal, one month hellish flare.

I do meditate. I listen to healing meditation CD's. I exercise when I feel good. I meet friends everyday when I feel good otherwise I am at home, which is very depressing. I call my family in the various countries where they reside. I do random acts of kindness every time I get an opportunity. Doing good feels good. I repeat mantras/positive affirmations. I've done acupuncture.

It is, indeed, a journey.

Has anyone ever tried massage therapy/energy work to work out emotional issues like grief and heal the body? What would be a good therapy?


Monique

[wmonique2]

Carol, I am certain that your grief is what triggered your MC.

I find that I am more sensitive to everything. I try to surround myself with gentle people and gentle situations. The first year I couldn't even listen to the news. I couldn't even listen to any kind of noise. TV bothered me. I couldn't listen to music either. Everything was too harsh for me.

Deb---sorry. This is a tough time for you. Take care of yourself.

Brandy---I think that you unconsciously know that you are supposed to take it easy on yourself, hence your measured reaction.


Monique

[JFR]

Monique,

For me, I don't really think that emotional stuff brought this all on since I have been dealing with gastro-intestinal issues all my adult life and in many ways my life now is less stressful than its every been. Sure there's been "stuff" but I don't think that the "stuff" was crucial in my condition. That said, I certainly believe that both how I think about my condition and how I deal with the stress in my life are crucial in my being able to negotiate my life with equanimity regardless of what gets thrown my way. One crucial turning point for me was when I could turn the question of "why me?" around and say "why not me?". That led to an acceptance of whatever was happening and by accepting whatever is going on, in my body or in my life, I am better able to figure out how best to deal with things, since I am not fighting against myself. One meditation book I read says that when difficult thoughts or feeling arise in meditation "don't give them any energy". That's what I try to do not only in meditation but in my life as well, not give energy to the negative stuff, not deny or repress the hard stuff, but not feed it either. I guess I am trying not to feed either my mind or my body any poison. It's always a work in progress for me, but I seem to be able to go with the flow a lot better that I ever have before.

Jean

[carolm]

Monique (and all),
I'm speechless---for the second time this week- a real rarity for me. You were getting hammered in event after tragic event. I'm sorry that you and your husband had to go through that. So much to cope with-- and where do you start?

I think that it might be helpful to re-frame our attitudes toward our MC and look at it as we would a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When you think about it, we had an activating event that prompted us to struggle with coping, resulting in depression, anxiety, and debilitating physical reactions. That's part of the diagnostic criteria. It's not the severity of the activating event that is critical but the effect it has on the person. Having a life threatening medical diagnosis is considered a catalyst or cause. In your case you had that as well as the trauma of your husband dying while you were fighting for your life. These are very real and threatening events-- it's not just in our heads or something we are making up. MC is a legitimate event that derails our lives and it's often added on top of other very stressful life events.

So maybe the healing starts when we give ourselves permission to acknowledge this. We need to cut ourselves some slack at times. What would we tell a friend with PTSD? That's how we need to treat ourselves. With counseling, with a support group, sometimes with meds, with whatever keeps us centered (meditation, yoga, friends and family support), and with patience. What I also know is that once you start asking the questions, that indicates you are ready to move forward.

I think the idea of massage therapy and energy work is well worth the try. I felt that my grief was (and may still be) housed in my gut too. It was melting down. It was tired. And it was poisoned and needed my sympathy and care.

It's getting late and I feel like I am just babbling on. I hope the "re-framing" idea might give us another angle from which we can approach things when we are feeling stuck.

Carol

[KD]

My MC started January 2009 just after a very stressful illness of my father. He was hospitalized just before Thanksgiving 2008 with a bowel obstruction. He had surgery and a bowel resection spent 11 days on a ventilator then rehab. He was released on Christmas Eve and my symptoms started less than 2 weeks after his release. He has had a rocky course since and has a history of prostate cancer which has recently spread to his bones. He was most recently hospitalized with pneumonia last Wed. Night. His condition has seriously worsened and Today i spent all day with my mother and siblings praying with them, releasing him with lots of tears. For some reason he is still plugging along. This is so fresh and so painful I write this through my tears. I do not know if my MC has been so out of control for the last four years because of the emotional stress of my father and family or my diet. The emotions are so fresh and so raw today I ask for your prayers for my father to pass to a more peaceful place!! Is this crap we deal with truly a physical problem or an emotional on?

[Deb]

Hug to you and your family KD and prayers that your father passes peacefully. Deb

[brandy]

Hi KD,

Prayers for you and your family, brandy

[jgivens]

It certainly comes as no surprise that we all are carrying a bunch of stress and pain! I have learned so much about balancing mine and learning to accept "that which I cannot change". My husband and I have talked about "our decade of stress" many times. From his being downsized as the result of a company merger, my having to take some soul-sucking jobs to support us in the interim, dealing with a close relative's addiction and consequent recovery process, our adult son's chronic and debilitating depression, our daughter's abusive marriage and consequent "estrangement" from us and the rest of our family, and the deaths of both of our fathers in a year and a half have definitely been a part of my ultimate "crash" last May. I had already started using some of the coping tools that help me today as I move through whatever healing I am meant to do and whatever crisis comes my way.
First of all, I work a good 12-step program (as in I am an active member and have been a member for 4 1/2 years of AlAnon). Working the steps has helped me in every area of my life and never more than now when I need "the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" each day at a time and sometimes an hour or minute at a time. Additionally, I sponsor people in the program and thru doing that, learn even more about myself as I teach others how to work the steps.
I have a daily meditation time and I am currently enhancing that with time spent doing Mindfulness Meditation. I find reading very relaxing as well and I also love to knit, which for me is another form of meditation (if the pattern is not to intricate). I see a psychotherapist at least once a month for a "tune-up" these days and more when I am in a crisis. Talk therapy has helped my stress levels immensely.
I have come to understand that pain and stress can be turned into positive things IF I am willing to listen and learn. I never thought I would be grateful for the lesson that my close relative who is a recovering substance abuser had in store for me. I have learned so much about my own codependent nature which got me into many crises because of my inability to set boundaries. In learning to set boundaries, I learned to love myself and forgive myself for any mistakes I've made along the way. I am sure there will be more lessons to learn, but if I can look at them as just that--lessons--I will be much better off in mind, body and spirit. Both my husband and I are fairly clear that my CC is due to my genetic patterns, but also the difficulty I have always had with my stomach in a crisis. From the time I was a small child, if I would get emotionally upset, I could depend on at least one attack of diarrhea. I am hoping that now that I have learned several meditation techniques, I can employ those in times of stress. It also helps to have a community of people who understand the difficulties of negotiating the world with this nasty disease and most of the time these days I am grateful for where I am and whose I am.

[ant]

Dear Monique,

Thanks for starting this thread that deals with a real and difficult subject.

While I believe that childhood osteomalitis and major use of oral antibiotics + my 2 celiac genes + the fact (in my 40s) I had typhoid and survived...... was plenty physical stress... emotional issues also co-coincided with more obvious symptoms......

My father went bust, sold the family home and then had a stroke. When a couple of years later he was dieing I distinctly remember my balance issues starting (but they were not obvious gut issues).

Then nine years later in a high level, high stress job in India, which at the time I saw as my last chance to really make the "big time" - what a fool to be so egotistical - the 2008 financial crisis crushed the company I was working for. Also the first signs of my mother's dementia appeared. That is precisely when obvious MC symptoms (chronic WD and fatigue) first struck. I could have got some bacterium while living in India or it could have been emotional or (most likely) both.

Dear KD, my prayers are for you, your father and your family at this time.

Love, ant

[d'libarian]

I haven't posted in a while but this thread really strikes a chord. After a lifetime of C, I came down with D last spring, diagnosed CC last fall. The stress I was dealing with involved the advancing dementia (non-alzheimers) of my ever-loving hubbie plus his physical decline due to cardio-vascular disease. This caused the fibromyalgia I've dealt with most my life to flare, making my energy level dive right when there was so much that I had to take on that my hyperactive typeA hubbie used to do.

As a Christian, I turned first to my church family for prayers and help. There is something incredibly comforting to hear a room full of sisters petitioning the Lord on our behalf. Or to see an overgrown weed patch turn back into a yard by the youth group. Or to have a list of 19 people who rushed to sign up to sit with Hubbie when I needed to go out.

In addition to the help of the Christian family, I experienced another blessing: as posted elsewhere, going gf caused most of my fibro symptoms to go away. The best part was that my energy level was restored to levels I'd not experienced in years. Also, I was back to my customary C with occasional two or three days of Norman. I consider that an answer to the specific prayer that I have the strength for what lay ahead.

Then on Jan. 16 my Love was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 4-6 months. He died Jan. 30. Planning a memorial is similar to planning a wedding, only you have less than a week to do it in. I found myself telling everyone I was OK, even though I could hear a woman in my head, right behind my eyes, sobbing and wailing. I'll let her out, one of these days. My Love's burial site is 350 mi. from here and his family will gather with me in about a month to get that done.

When my Love got the diagnosis, I determined to keep a written list of the good people and blessings that I knew would come into our lives from then on. When I get feeling bad, I go over it and end up giving thanks for the way the Lord blesses, if I just look for it.

I think I would have been in big trouble stress-wise if it were not for the Faith and the church family I have been blessed with. As it is, C is a problem about 4 days out of 7. One of these days I'll go df to see if that helps. But milk and custards are my comfort foods so it will just have to wait a bit longer. I have IgE reactions to almond milk, soy milk upsets my stomach and coconut milk just doesn't have the feel of milk in my mouth. I guess I'm picky.

KD -- I think giving a loved one permission to go is one of the hardest things a person can do in life. I found it was a whole lot harder than actual moment of passing. My prayers for your dad, you and your family.

Monique -- Looks like we have a lot in common. I, too, keep the house a lot quieter than it used to be. Do you turn your socks inside out? I just don't understand why society says we keep the rough side of knits against our skin when there is a perfectly good smooth side 1/16 inch away. I like and will adopt you idea of random acts of kindness.

le