My Mother

Marcia K · Post by **Marcia K** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 12:48 pm

Hello, everyone. We've discussed before how our family members react to our diets. I have to share my latest encounter with my mother. We were at a funeral on Friday and the timing worked out perfect for me. The service ended at 2:00 p.m. with a meal afterwards. I ate lunch before I went and took a coconut bar and peppermint tea along with me. Even before LC I would not have wanted to eat at that time. My husband & I were attending a musical later in the evening and I wanted to eat dinner at home before we went. Anyway, my mom wasn't seated at my table. As we were leaving she called me over so I could tell her two friends "what I have." I told them and received blank looks. Then she said, "She has to take her own food everywhere - Easter, Christmas, etc. It's horrible." All righty then. My reply was, "It is what it is and I'm grateful that it's not cancer." Her friends smiled and nodded. I want to call her out on calling attention to the LC but she's 82 so I give her a pass. I think she feels guilty about it. I'm glad that she's still here with me and that she can eat the cake.

brandy · Post by **brandy** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 1:06 pm

Family....you gotta love 'em.

Post by **tex** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 5:46 pm

Marcia,

Good for you. IMO mothers deserve a free pass, especially when they're getting up in years.

Tex

Janie · Post by **Janie** » Mon Mar 19, 2018 10:37 am

I hear you Marcia, when my mom was alive, stuff comes out of her mouth that use to bug me too. I gave her a pass reminding myself it is a mother daughter thing. I have a 30 year old DD and sometimes flub up and I remind myself again Moms and their daughters.

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Mon Mar 19, 2018 2:14 pm

I just had an instance like this happen a week ago with my mom seated right next to me....it was at the end of a decent meal that my son an his wife actually made sure I could have 2-3 of the items.....my D-inlaw made a cake, it was a beautiful delicious looking cake (one that I could not have any of) and my mom sitting next to me made it a big deal of how good it was and how sorry she was that I couldn't have any.....I looked straight at her and said 'shut up, just shut up'. You need to know my mom can be hard headed and stubborn and saying this as directly as I did to her in front of many family members in attendance basically let everyone know that you don't get to rub this kind of thing in my face....my mom pretty much laughed it off, as if her usual response. No one dared say anything either.

My mom is 71....an no I'm not usually as voicetorous as that either, but I'm tired of feeling walked on at every meal event with my family.

brandy · Post by **brandy** » Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:21 pm

I rarely eat sweets but I have several dessert type things that I can make that are as good or better than non GF items so I can partake and others can also enjoy. I usually deploy this tactic at Thanksgiving and Christmas so that I am not depressed.

I wanted a really good pie and made a lot of GF pie crusts that were epic fails. Dee's pie crust recipes are about the best available.

Marcia K · Post by **Marcia K** » Mon Mar 19, 2018 5:55 pm

So sorry, Erica. It's bad enough that we have to suck it up but then to have our faces rubbed in it...sigh. I have never complained or asked anyone to go out of their way to make anything special for me. I just do my own thing and try not to call attention to it. I said to my husband that I would never call attention to my son if he had this issue. Maybe it is a mother/daughter issue as Janie said but it makes me even more aware that I don't say anything to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

carolm · Post by **carolm** » Tue Mar 27, 2018 10:25 pm

Hi all,
Marcia, you handled that well and I agree that elderly Moms should get a pass.
Erica, I’m sorry you feel walked on at every family event. I would start to dread them.

This thread reminded me of a mealtime with a friend so I’ll add my own story.
I was out to lunch with a friend at a local restaurant that I picked that has the best burger on an unbelievable gluten free bun that will make you stop and question the wait staff for reassurance that this really is a gluten free bun.

Anyway, my friend was picking out an appetizer then says to me “I don’t want to get these because you can’t eat them and I don’t want you to be tempted”. I said “stop right there. Let’s be clear- that stuff is poison to me. I don’t miss it and I don’t want it”. And that’s how I honestly feel.

There is something about ‘laying it on the line’ when needed that squelches any false notions that somehow we are suffering, constantly tempted and feeling sorry for ourselves all the time. It felt good to ‘be clear’ about that.
Then I enjoyed that wonderful burger.

JFR · Post by **JFR** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 5:09 am

carolm wrote: Anyway, my friend was picking out an appetizer then says to me “I don’t want to get these because you can’t eat them and I don’t want you to be tempted”. I said “stop right there. Let’s be clear- that stuff is poison to me. I don’t miss it and I don’t want it”. And that’s how I honestly feel.

There is something about ‘laying it on the line’ when needed that squelches any false notions that somehow we are suffering, constantly tempted and feeling sorry for ourselves all the time. It felt good to ‘be clear’ about that.
Then I enjoyed that wonderful burger.

Carol,

I tell people something similar, that these foods are poison to my system and that I have no desire to eat them. Rather I feel gratitude that I have found a way to eat that keeps me healthy. In truth I feel fortunate. I believe I now eat a much healthier diet than most everyone I know.

Jean

carolm · Post by **carolm** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 6:13 am

I agree completely Jean. There are no processed white four and refined sugar foods in my diet anymore. Eating that junk is what made me sick in the first place (combined with my genetic tendency toward autoimmune disease). I eat high quality food now and not junk. In fact the only gf bread I eat is this restaurant’s burger bun and that’s about once every 3 months.

I am also grateful to have found a way to eat that keeps me healthy and happy to be in remission.

I look at other people’s reactions to our diets as a projection of their own issues and even insecurities. There are people who ‘live to eat’ and to make any sacrifice or restriction in their choice of foods is inconceivable for them. Not many would work as hard on their diets as we have had to. Our diet changes were out of necessity but the pay off has been big.

Pam V · Post by **Pam V** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:00 am

It is surprising what people say when they eat with me. There are clearly some people that don't believe that I have to cut out all of the foods that I do, some who are a little uneasy enjoying their gluten, dairy, soy, egg foods in front of me, some (coworkers, not family/friends) who seem to make a BIG deal out of enjoying their gluten/dairy foods in front of me and then the wonderful others who seem to get it. And there are many who say things like "I could never eat the way you do.". My response is that I hope they never need to but if they were faced with the situation, I believe they would make the same choices that I do. I don't think many understand that it's different from giving up foods for a reward like losing weight. Believe me, in the past when I would diet to drop a few pounds, I would have that cookie or piece of pie and figure that my weight loss wouldn't be that great for that week. When you know that a food is going to make you sick, who wants to eat it?

It is helpful to have all of you when we are faced with uncomfortable or hurtful situations.

Best wishes to all -

Pam

JFR · Post by **JFR** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:44 am

I tell myself that if people understood how sick I was they would understand why I made the choices I made. I think a lot of people simply don't get it. Unless I stopped eating for a couple of days I couldn't leave my house. I cannot think of a single food or imagine a single food that would be so important to me that becoming housebound was a price worth paying. There are people who come to this site, clearly very sick, but still unable to embrace the dietary advice. This is sad. Some people hang onto the belief that doctor knows best and since most doctors don't have a clue about the relationship of diet to our symptoms people who continue to look to their doctors for the solution are bound to fail. I will always be grateful to Tex and the members of this site for giving me the information I needed to regain my health.

Jean

Erica P-G · Post by **Erica P-G** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:14 pm

With Easter coming up and many meals to be had with families.....I am shrinking like a violet at the thought of another meal around family.....but I am going to go and I've made a pact with myself that I need to do this and I need to keep standing up for myself when necessary. If I hit a nerve with someone they have the right to not invite me to the next get together, but at the same time it wouldn't hurt for my family to "Get it" and perhaps have a conversation with me and let me in on the menus. I know they have seen that I am sooo much better than I was 2 years ago....what they don't seem to understand is I have had to do a lot of HARD WORK to get where I am and lots of Mental aspects too. Maybe one of these holiday meal times they will let me host it....I am certain most think my food will be horrid and that I will have things people won't like....if that is how they think, since I have not hosted a meal in a long time, then they are in for a BIG Surprise, because the food I can make lately has come out pretty dang nice and tasty!

I wish everyone positive get togethers and outcomes in the days to come

Marcia K · Post by **Marcia K** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 6:11 pm

Reading these posts makes my heart sing! It is wonderful that we have each other to share this journey and the issues we face. For those who celebrate Easter I hope your day is a stress-free one! I'm looking forward to spending time with my family and I'll let any comments roll off without any second thought.

carolm · Post by **carolm** » Wed Mar 28, 2018 9:38 pm

Great post Marcia! Thanks for starting it.