Need a shoulder to cry on

m · Post by m » Sat Sep 15, 2007 8:17 pm

Hi All,
I know I have no right to ask for a shoulder to cry on. I've been away from the board for sometime and not contributed my fair share of support. For that I am truly sorry. You guys have always been supportive to me and if it wasn't for Sally and the original board, I don't know if I would have made it this far dealing with all my food intolerances. I had a really traumatic experience this afternoon and I can't get it off my mind. I was hoping that this would be a safe place for me to cry. My family is not supportive and my friends all have personal crisis of their own right now.

I witnessed a dog being hit by a car on the freeway today. I may have inadvertently caused its death by trying to help. I saw a dog trotting along a downtown freeway this afternoon as I made my way home from work. It was on the shoulder trotting along. I got off the freeway, called the Humane Society and doubled back. I describe the location and asked them if i should try to rescue it. They said yes, only if it was safe. When I got back on the freeway it was still trotting along on the shoulder. I pulled off about 1 or 2 blocks ahead of it. Then watched in horror as it darted into traffic. It was thrown back onto the shoulder and I rushed to it. It was still alive and alert. I was afraid to touch him because he was big and might bite. I was still on the phone with the Humane Society and they asked if I could pick him up. I said no, he was big. By this time I was balling my eyes out. I've never felt so helpless in my life, except when my mother passed away right in front of me. He was obviously in very bad shape. I think 2 people stopped and left but I stayed, talking to him ,telling him what a good dog he was. Just as the Humane Society arrived, he died. They checked for a tag. He had a collar but no tag. I can't get it out of my head that if I hadn't stopped, maybe he wouldn't have darted into traffic. Maybe seeing my car and me along the side of the road ahead of him made him try to go around me and into traffic. The Humane Society said it wasn't my fault but I don't believe them. They said that when they rescue animals on the freeway they call the state police to close the freeway. But I know from past experience that they wait until they get several calls about the same animal before they call the police. They are reluctant to close the freeway.

I feel wretched. There's someone out there right now wondering where there dog is. They cared enough to put a collar on him and he didn't look underfed.
I'm sorry to tell such a sad little tale. I was hoping it might help me cope.
m

Post by **tex** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 9:20 pm

Hi Melissa,

I'm very sorry for what happened, but please don't feel so badly. It's not likely that you caused that dog's death. Dogs have minds of their own, and they do things for their own reasons, and sometimes it's impossible to predict what they will do. No animals, (nor humans on foot, for that matter), have much of a chance around a freeway.

I grew up on a farm, and when you live on a farm or ranch, you see new life, and you see death, on a somewhat regular basis. Seeing new life is always a joy, and seeing death is never easy, but one eventually learns that death is a natural part of life, and it has to be accepted as such, in order for life to go on. (I realize that may sound confusing, but it's true).

I'm glad that you weren't hurt. I have no doubt that you were right to not touch the dog. Many animals become very aggressive, especially toward strangers, when they are dying. You did all that you could do, in a very dangerous situation. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we just can't accomplish the impossible.

Hugs,
Tex

Mars · Post by **Mars** » Sat Sep 15, 2007 9:34 pm

Melissa I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. Sharing your story will help you move on. I agree with Wayne, you did the best you could with the best of intentions but sometimes our best just isn't enough. Animals do have a mind of their own and nothing we can do or say will change it sometimes.

I'm glad you knew you could come here to have someone's shoulder to cry on. Our shoulders are big!!!

I hope you are well otherwise. When you feel up to it, let us know how your life is going.

Love and tons of hugs,
Mars

Polly · Post by **Polly** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 6:02 am

Oh Melissa,

How sad.

I am crying with you.

You tried to help the best you could. We can always second-guess our actions, but your intention was pure and that counts for a lot. Plus you stayed with the dog and comforted him while he was dying.

I know how much you love animals, like many of us here. You are a GOOD person and did what was right. Perhaps you could check out the paper and some websites for lost pets and see if someone is looking for the dog to let them know. I know it would be a relief to me to know that someone stayed with my pet while it was dying.

Love,

Polly

starfire · Post by **starfire** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 6:04 am

Please don't feel so bad about the outcome, Melissa. It could have happened to any of us with the same results. You just never know how any animal will react to a given situation.

What Tex has said is so very true. It doesn't mean a person is hard to realize that - just realistic. Imagine being an oncologist or a surgeon who deals with patients with low survival risks. I'm sure they have to concentrate on the successes they see once in a while to make the rest bearable.

You are a good person. Don't beat yourself up so badly.

Shirley

m · Post by m » Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:28 am

All,
You're all very kind. And I'm a big baby. I feel a bit better this morning. I appreciate you listening. Tex-I probably wouldn't make it as a farmer/rancher. :) I can't even make myself go past a pet store. Polly - I hadn't thought about the website idea, thanks.

m

barbaranoela · Post by **barbaranoela** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:39 am

Hi Melissa-----

It wasnt due to U----the little pup was just frightened and ran---sadly U had to witness it--and U were kind enuf to stay with him until help came--think of the comfort he felt--knowing U cared----

This is weird---3 weeks ago my neighbors dogs got loose---and they didnt realize it until Shorty was yelping @ the door--but the other little guy ran and ran till he reached the Parkway--thus the same situation--

The police brought them the collar but they wanted Jack --and they got him and had him cremated---

They now got another---they have Highland Westies---and Shorty--must always have a playmate---

I know how U feel----cus I know how I felt when we had to put our 3 hot-dogs to sleep---

U are a good person Melissa--

luve Barbara

annie oakley · Post by **annie oakley** » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:40 am

That's a very traumatic experience I agree....please don't feel bad, I doubt that you caused the dogs death. And having a shoulder to cry on doesn't depend on how much you post or support others....Cry away if you feel the need. I hate to see anuthing die....somtimes it can't be helped. Don't beat yourself up. Love oma

JJ · Post by JJ » Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:10 am

My heart goes out to you....very, very sad.

JJ